Years ago my father-in-law had to have open heart surgery. They ended up doing five bypasses. The day of his surgery he requested that everyone go to work as usual. He felt that if too many people were at the hospital then we would be thinking that he wouldn't survive. He decided that everyone just did their normal routine then everything would be okay. So I went to work.
I remember waiting for my husband to call me with an update. I knew what time the surgery started and about how long it would take. As the clock ticked past the expected time for an update I began to brace myself for "bad news".
Finally the call came. My boss had me take it in his office, "just in case" I needed the privacy. With joy and tears my husband said his dad was doing fine and filled me in on why it had taken so long. I hung up the phone and my body began to shake and then I started crying uncontrollably. I guess in my efforts to prepare for the worst possible news I hadn't anticipated how I would handle good news. My reaction to this good news surprised me.
I was reminded of that today. Lately I have been working with clients that just touch my heart deeply. I feel their pain and their sadness as they try to decide what they are going to do. When their decisions are not what I had hoped for them I am deeply grieved. Today I was in the sono room with a client who has decided that ending her pregnancy is not an option for her. This was her third sono as she has worked through all the issues in her life. One real fear for her is that she will lose her job. She is raising two little girls and needs the income so this was a very hard thing for her to have to face. Yet, she has decided that this little one in her womb deserves the opportunity to continue living. So, despite the risks to her finances she is going to continue the pregnancy. I stand in awe and amazement.
I went to my office and cried. I had not expected she would make this choice and had prepared myself for a different outcome. Yet, my reaction is one of tears. Not tears of grief but tears of relief. I had not expected this reaction and am once again surprised at how I respond.
I wonder, what is it that surprises me here? I know and understand that I am a control freak. So is my reaction caused by the fact that I really don't have any control? Or is it something else. Perhaps, I need to learn to not prepare myself for "bad news" only. Perhaps I should prepare myself for God to do the unexpected, He is known for that. And maybe, just maybe, God is trying to teach me to trust Him more.
WELCOME!
T - i - double G - grrrr
November 27, 2007
November 22, 2007
First Snow of the Season!
Well it snowed yesterday! That makes it officially winter. For my friends and family that live in places where they never get snow I thought I'd post a few pictures so you can see what you're missing.
Park your cars. Stay off the streets. Bundle up the kids. The snow, just a dusting, but a dangerous blow. Hee...Hee!
November 20, 2007
Sweet
Look how pretty!!!
Aren't these the most beautiful flowers you have ever seen? My sweet daughter sent them to me to cheer me up. It worked!PS: Go PACKERS!
November 17, 2007
Cable update
So we have been enjoying our 19 channels for about 3 months now. Each month I check my bill to see that they are really only going to charge me the $11.25 they said it would cost. I'm also curious as to when and how much they will charge for setup since they had to come three times before they got it right.
Anyway, each month I look there is nothing there. The only charges are for my Internet connection. Being the good - and "never trust the cable company" - person I am, I decided to call and ask them about it.
I dial the number on the bill and get the machine that tells me to enter my phone number, then press 2, then press 1, then press 1, then press 2, then I listen to information I already know about when I paid my last bill, then press 1, then confirm again who you are by entering your phone number, then press 4, then press 1, then if you want to talk to a customer service rep press 0. With tired fingers I press 0 and listen to the message explaining that "all customer service reps are helping other customers". I think to myself, who can they helping? Everyone else should still be going through the press this, press that maze. Well, after that bit if information I am informed by the machine that my call is "important to them" and I will have approximately a one hour wait! ONE HOUR!
But they give me another option, press 1 and leave a call message. So I opt for that one. They will return my call to the number I gave them "in more than one hour"? What? What does that mean? Will they even talk to me today? I don't know but I hang up.
Three hours later my cell phone rings, I pick it up and get a message telling me that I tried to call the cable company. REALLY!? I didn't know that, they are sooooo helpful. Then I hear my voice saying my name and am told to press 1. I press 1 and get a message that says "we're sorry but that key is not recognized". YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
I hang up and call the original number. I don't listen to any recordings or messages. I just keep pressing 0 until I get hold music indicating I might actually be waiting for a live person. Magically someone answers the phone to help me. I explain I want to check on why I'm not getting billed for cable service. The prompter in front of the customer service rep doesn't have a pat answer for what to say when someone wants to pay their bill but are not getting charged. Stupefied, I'm transferred to someone else who can help me.
I go down this path three more times before I get a customer service rep that I think might actually be located in the United States and not at a call center in India. This person explains that my cable is included in my rent at the apartment complex I live in. I know this is NOT accurate and gently explain that back to her. We volley this complex idea back and forth a number of times until I say, "I don't want to take up your whole day. I don't want to beg you to bill me. I would be more than happy to accept free cable for the next few years." She says, "hee hee, its not free, its included in your rent." I thank her and hang up.
Not satisfied that I've done all I can I call my landlord. She remembers my request for lifeline basic cable and giving me permission to work directly with the cable company. She explains that she can not charge me through the office because she'd have to charge me $45 which hardly seems fair. I agree and we both agree to drop it.
So now I wait, enjoying free cable and expect to see a $600 bill some day for back pay.
Anyway, each month I look there is nothing there. The only charges are for my Internet connection. Being the good - and "never trust the cable company" - person I am, I decided to call and ask them about it.
I dial the number on the bill and get the machine that tells me to enter my phone number, then press 2, then press 1, then press 1, then press 2, then I listen to information I already know about when I paid my last bill, then press 1, then confirm again who you are by entering your phone number, then press 4, then press 1, then if you want to talk to a customer service rep press 0. With tired fingers I press 0 and listen to the message explaining that "all customer service reps are helping other customers". I think to myself, who can they helping? Everyone else should still be going through the press this, press that maze. Well, after that bit if information I am informed by the machine that my call is "important to them" and I will have approximately a one hour wait! ONE HOUR!
But they give me another option, press 1 and leave a call message. So I opt for that one. They will return my call to the number I gave them "in more than one hour"? What? What does that mean? Will they even talk to me today? I don't know but I hang up.
Three hours later my cell phone rings, I pick it up and get a message telling me that I tried to call the cable company. REALLY!? I didn't know that, they are sooooo helpful. Then I hear my voice saying my name and am told to press 1. I press 1 and get a message that says "we're sorry but that key is not recognized". YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
I hang up and call the original number. I don't listen to any recordings or messages. I just keep pressing 0 until I get hold music indicating I might actually be waiting for a live person. Magically someone answers the phone to help me. I explain I want to check on why I'm not getting billed for cable service. The prompter in front of the customer service rep doesn't have a pat answer for what to say when someone wants to pay their bill but are not getting charged. Stupefied, I'm transferred to someone else who can help me.
I go down this path three more times before I get a customer service rep that I think might actually be located in the United States and not at a call center in India. This person explains that my cable is included in my rent at the apartment complex I live in. I know this is NOT accurate and gently explain that back to her. We volley this complex idea back and forth a number of times until I say, "I don't want to take up your whole day. I don't want to beg you to bill me. I would be more than happy to accept free cable for the next few years." She says, "hee hee, its not free, its included in your rent." I thank her and hang up.
Not satisfied that I've done all I can I call my landlord. She remembers my request for lifeline basic cable and giving me permission to work directly with the cable company. She explains that she can not charge me through the office because she'd have to charge me $45 which hardly seems fair. I agree and we both agree to drop it.
So now I wait, enjoying free cable and expect to see a $600 bill some day for back pay.
November 12, 2007
November 7, 2007
In the eyes of strangers
Years ago I had a serious bicycle accident. I remember a squirrel and then nothing until I'm looking at this person I don't know repeating back to me things she claims I told her. There were others on the trail I didn't know too. Somehow I think I realized I was hurt and when I started to look around this lady just starts yelling at me saying "Keep looking at me, look at my eyes, don't look at your arm!". I wondered if my arm had been torn off my body and I had no idea why she was saying this but she said it with such conviction I decided it was best to listen.
Then I looked at the other strangers and started to recognize the look of concern and fear in their eyes. These were people I didn't know but for some reason there are certain looks humans have that there is no mistaking the look, even when you don't know the person. But that was a long time ago and a memory that was fading. Well, until this past Monday.
I found myself once again at the mercy of strangers. I had taken a bad fall going up some cement stairs and my face hit the step as I went down. I knew immediately it was bad and just rolled over on my back pressing my hand hard on my mouth and face. I felt the warmth of the blood and wondered if there were any teeth left in my mouth. This man, a stranger who saw me fall, ran up to me to see if I needed help. I did, but couldn't talk. I remembered the lady on the trail from years ago and decided to keep my eyes focused on his. The eyes of this stranger was all I had between panic and passing out.
There in his eyes I saw that look of concern, fear and something else that I didn't recognize at first. I began to wonder how bad it was. Then this woman came up and bent down close to me. Her eyes showed no fear, just concern and what seemed like love but how could that be? She doesn't know me, I don't know her. But I saw no fear in her eyes, she said "it's bad, but you're going to be okay". Her words matched the look in her eyes and all my doubt faded, I knew it was okay to believe what she was telling me because in her eyes I could see truth.
As I've been recuperating I've thought a lot about these strangers and the things I learned about them just by looking into their eyes. Things you can't learn by looking at someones ear or elbow. No, the eyes are windows that communicate great things. I don't even know their names but I will never forget their eyes. So I got curious and did a word search in the Bible and found there are 509 verses that have the word "eyes" in them. God must think they are important. Many verses indicating we should "turn our eyes toward God" and "lifting up our eyes to the Lord". So many verses that it would give someone a lot of material to write a book about or a Bible study on.
Then I came across this verse "But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love" - Psalm 33:18
Imagine that for a moment. God has His eyes on you, all the time. He watches over me and you. This past Monday, when I fell, it was at a Christian event and I learned that if you ever are going to have a bad accident, a good place to have one is where there are a lot of Christians. These strangers with love and concern their eyes, stopped to take care of a stranger. Others who were not able to directly help me stopped and prayed for me. I was touched and had great peace when it seemed I should have been crying and hysterical. I believe God was there and the love I saw in the eyes of these strangers was there because of their love for God. I am most grateful!
Then I looked at the other strangers and started to recognize the look of concern and fear in their eyes. These were people I didn't know but for some reason there are certain looks humans have that there is no mistaking the look, even when you don't know the person. But that was a long time ago and a memory that was fading. Well, until this past Monday.
I found myself once again at the mercy of strangers. I had taken a bad fall going up some cement stairs and my face hit the step as I went down. I knew immediately it was bad and just rolled over on my back pressing my hand hard on my mouth and face. I felt the warmth of the blood and wondered if there were any teeth left in my mouth. This man, a stranger who saw me fall, ran up to me to see if I needed help. I did, but couldn't talk. I remembered the lady on the trail from years ago and decided to keep my eyes focused on his. The eyes of this stranger was all I had between panic and passing out.
There in his eyes I saw that look of concern, fear and something else that I didn't recognize at first. I began to wonder how bad it was. Then this woman came up and bent down close to me. Her eyes showed no fear, just concern and what seemed like love but how could that be? She doesn't know me, I don't know her. But I saw no fear in her eyes, she said "it's bad, but you're going to be okay". Her words matched the look in her eyes and all my doubt faded, I knew it was okay to believe what she was telling me because in her eyes I could see truth.
As I've been recuperating I've thought a lot about these strangers and the things I learned about them just by looking into their eyes. Things you can't learn by looking at someones ear or elbow. No, the eyes are windows that communicate great things. I don't even know their names but I will never forget their eyes. So I got curious and did a word search in the Bible and found there are 509 verses that have the word "eyes" in them. God must think they are important. Many verses indicating we should "turn our eyes toward God" and "lifting up our eyes to the Lord". So many verses that it would give someone a lot of material to write a book about or a Bible study on.
Then I came across this verse "But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love" - Psalm 33:18
Imagine that for a moment. God has His eyes on you, all the time. He watches over me and you. This past Monday, when I fell, it was at a Christian event and I learned that if you ever are going to have a bad accident, a good place to have one is where there are a lot of Christians. These strangers with love and concern their eyes, stopped to take care of a stranger. Others who were not able to directly help me stopped and prayed for me. I was touched and had great peace when it seemed I should have been crying and hysterical. I believe God was there and the love I saw in the eyes of these strangers was there because of their love for God. I am most grateful!
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