The men in my life!

This is one of my favorite pics!



















Three generations of Gosa men!

The last walk?

I must confess that I am feeling very sorry for myself. If you are not new to this blog then you know how special my walks are for me.

However, the past 2 years I've been ignoring heel pain in my right foot. The last 6 months have made it very hard for me to continue to ignore so I finally went to a foot specialist. The diagnosis is exactly what I expected. Plantar Fasciitis.

There are number of factors that have caused this problem for me. One is that I had foot surgery years ago and don't have the ability to stretch the plantar like it needs. The other is that I have "VERY" high arches. In fact, the doc said they might be the highest arch he has seen where surgical correction is not needed. Hmmmm... Anyway, no more surgery for this girl. So the other issues for causing this to be as major a problem as it has become is that I'm "older" and "overweight". Just what every girl wants to hear before her 51st birthday.

And the severe pain that accompanies every step I take also has to do with the bad arthritis he saw on the xray. Blah, blah, blah. That is all I heard at this point. Too busy feeling sorry for myself to really listen to what he had to say. Treatment involves stretching exercises that he doesn't feel will help much due to surgery from years ago but wants me to try anyway. And a shot in the heel. Not just any shot but a combination of medicine that he called a shot "cocktail".

If you ever have a desire to experience a new level of pain you didn't think existed just let a doctor take a long needle and shove it into an already painful heel. He sprayed and froze the area first but trust me, you still feel this. Or don't trust, ask the other people who were in the office that day and heard me scream.

To take my mind off the pain I reflected back on how depressed I started getting in the waiting room. Every other person there had to be 80 years old and up. Not sure I liked the idea of having problems like this when I hopefully have 30+ more good years left. The shot is done and he puts a bandaid on my heel. That is when I get to share with him that I have recently developed an allergy to bandaids. We don't know but my other doctor (yes, I now have multiple doctors) feels I am allergic to the adhesive used in bandaids. I explained how recently I had to used one and that while the original sore healed that allergic reaction and loss of skin where the bandaid touched it is significant. So he took the bandaid off and had to get creative with a flex wrap and tape over the wrap.

This fix was to stay on for five days. By day 3 I could no longer stand it, I was having an allergic reaction. Now the heel in my foot does not hurt as much since the meds are working but the itching and rash and blisters are unbearable. Peaceful sleep does not exist. I called around and learned that bandaids and this flex wrap both have latex so we (actually me since I'm now acting as my own doctor) are now thinking I'm allergic to latex.

By now you are wondering about the title of this post. "The last walk." It turns out the worst thing I can do for my plantar problem is to take long walks or to stand for long periods. And I'm never to go barefoot. Not even in the house. Swimming is okay - its going to be below zero tomorrow and the pool is closed. Biking is okay - oh yeah lets do that again! Elliptical is also okay, which I don't mind except for all the twenty-somethings with zero body fat in the exercise room. And my walks have always been more than just exercise.

They have been spiritual in many ways. I just can't imagine no long walks in the park. No long talks with God as He amazes me with His creation. Yes, this girl is feeling a bit sorry for herself.

But I know me. I won't stay here long. I'll pick myself up and do what I want and just learn to endure the pain. Just not sure when that might happen.

Christmas and other things

Here is a recent picture of me with Gary. We were at an awards ceremony.











Here is this year's Christmas tree. At first we weren't so sure but now I really love it! It is so simply and pretty and when the sun shines on it the entire room lights up!














This pic is for Kelly! I wanted her to see how pretty the flowers are that she and Malcolm sent me for my birthday!













And this last one is my favorite. It is our Christmas present from Kelly and Malcolm. I always give Kelly a hard time because she pretends to bite Malcolm. Well, it isn't always pretend maybe playful is a better word. Unless you're the one getting bitten.

Linus Clayton Gosa

Psalm 128:6
May you live long enough to see your grandchildren.
























Father God, thank you for this precious life.
My heart can not express the love and joy that it has but I know that Your love for Linus exceeds anything I'm capable of. Protect him as he grows and bless his parents as they raise him in the knowledge of You.
Amen!

Sex, babies, and...

So I have been up since 3:30 AM. Can't sleep. Kept trying but too many thoughts going through my head. Did all the normal tricks to fall back to sleep but nothing helped. After 2 hours of that I have just given up.

I had a thought during that time that; what if God completely took away every woman's ability to have children. For a moment assume that man has figured out how to reproduce without women being part of the creation of this new life. What happens deep in your gut when you think about that. I start to cry. Do you think our world would change? Do you think that the way women feel, act, and behave would change? Do you think if the soul of women changed that our entire society would change? I do. Would this be good change?

So not being able to sleep I get up and start going through the mail that is sitting on my desk from the last week. I remember the days when I thought I was busy but now I know those were the lazy days. The days I could actually find time to open the mail every day. But I have now strayed from my thoughts so let me bring it back. In the mail I received a newsletter from my obgyn doctor's office (coincidence or God-incidence?). 2 pages completely devoted to "mission hysterosocopy". They are going into third world countries and sterilizing all the women they can. They are proud of this and proud of how they are "helping". I really think they believe it but I find myself very ANGRY.

First of all they went in experimenting and perfecting "new" procedures to accomplish this surgery and it will be generations before anyone really knows what side effects will result. Second what makes us women? Sure we are more than our female body parts but we are uniquely female by them. And since when did being female mean it was bad to bear children. Who is getting all these women pregnant anyways? Why aren't they going into third world countries and snipping and clipping the men? (Sorry if that offends some, wait - NO I'M NOT!) Really someone tell me why!!!!!! Would men in these countries line themselves up to willingly be made sterile or would that not sound so good to them? And if not, why not? I'll tell you why, because they want to have children. Maybe they don't want to raise them but they certainly puff up like roosters talking about their many children.

AND, if we want the women of the world to bear complete and total responsibility for their fertility without men being involved then why aren't we going in and teaching them about their fertility. It isn't rocket science. There are only certain times during the month a women can get pregnant. Would it be so wrong to empower them to say no to sex during those times, even with husbands? Would the men in these countries, or this one for that matter, allow that or are women not to be allowed to be in charge of their sexuality. Are women not "smart" enough to handle this? I feel a rant coming on so I will stop with one more thought that plagues me almost all the time.

Why do we in this country and other countries, think women are stupid? Why don't we give them credit for being intelligent, thinking, human beings? Oh sure, women can have this job or that job but have a say in their sexuality or learning about Natural Family Planning and choosing to abstain from sex when they could get pregnant. No that would be too hard for them. Let's just sterilize them, that is easier and then we aren't burdening them or society with more children. Yeah, let's not teach them about their fertility or invent tools to help them understand when they are fertile. No, they might misuse that power.

This is ludicrous, insanity, and wrong. It's wrong by God's standards and by human standards.

And don't think this is just happening with this topic. Don't even get me started on how this country protects a woman's right to an abortion as strongly as it protects the abortionists right NOT to give her all the information she needs before making that decision. No heaven forbid she should be told about the possible emotional and physical risks, heaven forbid she should be given information on the developing child. No let's just tell her it is easy and quick ("that will be $400 please") and let's just tell her its "not a baby" but a "bunch of cells or zygote or embryo", you know something she might not understand. Let's not tell the baby's heart has been beating for quite some time. No she couldn't handle that. The truth would be too hard for her, the truth is what will cause her emotional distress. Maybe so much that she would not make the "right" choice. I mean what if she went out and decided to continue that pregnancy? What would be the result then? Crap, another baby would be born.

Okay, I think I'm done. But maybe if you made it this far you can see why falling back to sleep just was not going to happen. This really is just the tip of the iceberg of thoughts I have on these topics.

Oh yeah, and now I think I have to find a new doctor.