New Year's R________

Okay, so I'm not real big on resolutions. Mostly because it has become so commercialized. But every year I do tend to have a theme. One that I hope promotes growth and knowledge and some years it is just for fun. This year Gary and I have said that we are resolved to cook more at home and even try to cook one new meal a week, something we haven't made before.

Last year my theme was to understand more deeply what it means to be fully surrendered to God. I sang the song "I surrender all" and I began to wonder what exactly am I committing to. I knew I was singing the words with all my heart but I wasn't sure I fully understood what it was I was offering to the Lord. Let me tell you this was not an easy year for learning this lesson and it took me down a path I was not expecting.

What God taught me or reminded me was that to be fully surrendered to Him meant that I needed to be fully vulnerable to Him. And these are not lessons I learn easily so there were some tough ones over the past twelve months. I did my best to endure through the lessons and found that as I allowed myself to be fully vulnerable to God that there was a new dependence on Him that resulted. And in those deep moments of udder dependence I learned a new level of trusting Him to use it all for His glory. Some endings to these lessons are not known yet but I am trusting that God is in control of it all. And I understand better that through my giving up of my control over things and giving it to God that I grow closer to surrendering it all to Him. Besides, it all really belongs to Him anyways.

I'm glad 2008 is over and as I began to wonder what my theme for 2009 would be I must admit I was a bit scared. Then I noticed a theme beginning to develop in December and now I know what my area of concentration for 2009 will be. A few years back I journaled all year with the first sentence being "A saw God today". Well, this year I plan to do that same thing only the first sentence for each journal entry will begin with "I experienced God today when...".

Today during my quiet time and time for reflection I wondered what God will show me in 2009. I picked up an old book that I read every once in a while about strong women with tender hearts. I come from generations of strong women and for the longest time I never saw past their strength to the tenderness of their hearts. Anyway, in the book it talked about our walk with the Lord and I began to think about the fact that with my current heel issues I won't be having my walks with God like I had in the past.

Then I thought that perhaps this is a blessing and part of my journey. God wants to show me those special times are not reserved for those few moments out on the path during a long walk. No, that is kind of like saying I go to church on Sunday and then never spend anytime praying or in His word the rest of the week. I need to learn to experience God all the time, not just during "my" walks. He walks with me even when I forget He is there.

So perhaps this year my blog entries will have bits and pieces about this year's theme as I am open to what God wants me to experience in 2009. I pray you too will consider how God plans to grow, teach, and change you in the coming year. Through good times and bad times. Through trials and through victories. Look for the Lord in all you do, He is there.

God even gave me a jump start last month when I got to hold my grandson in my arms. I thought about how unique this little person is and how God planned for him to be born now to the parents God specifically chose for him. He, Linus Clayton Gosa, never existed before in all of human history and will never exist again. This is it, this is the time God planned for him. I thought about the family legacies that he comes from. Gary and I spent time thinking about Linus and his parents and his grandparents and his great-grandparents and knew that God has a plan and a purpose for his life. We knew that all these things weave together to make him unique and special. Special to us and special to God.We shared with Kevin and Laura the things God put on our hearts and together we prayed for Linus and I knew we experienced a special moment in the presence of God.

The night before we left I held Linus in my arms with Gary right next to me and thought about how much we loved him. I thought about how I would do anything for this little guy, including give my life to protect him. And I looked at my husband and knew he felt the same way. Then I whispered in my husbands ear about the things I was feeling and together we knew that our love for Linus is nothing compared to how much God loves him. Our love is so deep and strong for this little guy who is just sweet and innocent and I knew I experienced God when I realized that His love for me, and for you, is so much more than that. And, most of us - no - ALL of us are not as sweet and innocent as a two week old newborn baby. Yet, God loves us anyway with a love that motivated Him to send His one and only Son to die for us. Amazing grace, is just that...amazing!