The enemy within

What is this melancholy mood that has taken over me? Where did it bubble up from? Why can't I focus on the work in front of me?

It was sudden and unexpected. I went to lunch with some old friends and had a great time. Gone for a little over an hour I come back to my desk with more on it than when I left. The red message light on my phone annoys me and I can't seem to find the energy to read the many unread emails in my inbox.

I think of all there is to do and am frozen by the vast amount of work that exists. What is first? What is second? What is last? Last is the most important because I know I will never get to it.

But that isn't where this sadness is from. I go to the internet to listen to my favorite Christian radio station and I can't "connect". The "server is busy, try again later". LATER? But I need it now. I try my second favorite radio station and the website so complicated that I get sick of following the instructions that say "click here to listen online".

What is this consuming desire to hear Christian music? It stems for this deep need that took over my day to be near to God. But why and why so suddenly? I have this overwhelming need to walk out the front door and just keep walking. But where would I go? Then I remember being at the hospital last week and hearing the desperate cry of a mom whose only child was dying. She said she just felt like running away. She just felt like she needed to run and run and run. No plan, no direction, just run. I remember hearing a another woman express this feeling the same way when she was going through an impossible situation. But why do I feel like this right now? Are the events of the past week catching up to me?

I don't know but my phone rang and reality hits hard. This short introspective break must end. Duty calls.