3AM

"I saw 3 AM again" is part of a line in a song I hear on the radio now and then. It speaks to seeing it for all the wrong reasons.

Well, last night I saw 2AM, 3AM, and 4AM. Not sure why I couldn't sleep because I was dead tired. I did have an incredibly terrible headache during the day but I don't think that is what kept me awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.

I laid there thinking about how many people would be distraught if they were awake at that hour for that amount of time. But for some reason I enjoyed the fact that I didn't have do anything, or be anywhere, or even move if I didn't want to. I didn't spend the time thinking about that day or tomorrow or all the things there are to do. No I just enjoyed doing nothing. I wasn't even angry that I couldn't fall back to sleep.

Those are typically the times when I pray and seek God. I did a bit of that but then I heard my husband's rhythmic breathing next to me. I just listened as he would breathe in and then out. I remembered back to the first time a met him. It was a blind date and there were two things that stood out in my mind from that first encounter. One was how incredibly sweet he was and the other was how safe I felt when he held my hand. Even at that moment when he would still be considered a stranger.

Then I remembered our first apartment we had together. Over 30 years ago and in my minds eye I could see him, a 20-something young man, who was so devoted and looked at me as if I were the only woman he had ever seen. I remembered to earlier in the evening when he was caring for me with my headache. The face, hair, and body of this man may have aged over the years but that look is still in his eyes. To be so loved is a gift that nothing can compare to.

Again, I hear his breathing. I look at the clock and see it is 3:30AM. I realize that in less 2 hours his alarm will go off and a new day will begin. I think to myself that maybe I had better try to fall asleep. Before sleep comes I enjoy 30 more minutes of doing nothing.