Lions

I expect that some will read this post and just walk away scratching their heads. I have even thought about not posting this entry and just keeping it in my head. But it won't let me go, so...I feel compelled to let it go.

Today was one of those red letter days that can only happen when you work full-time in a pregnancy center. It never escapes my notice that this is a ministry of high highs and low lows. I guess when you stand in the gap between life and death you should expect there to be some bumps in the road. I do know that some don't view this work as standing in the gap between life and death. No they view it as the gap between a woman's right to do what she wants with her body and other people trying to get in her business. Sometimes I tire of that debate. For me, it is life or death. That's it. Not that that makes it simple, the issues that bring women to our center are never simple. But inside her womb is life and it will either be allowed to continue or it will not.

As a Christian I understand that God is the author of life and that there is an enemy that is against anything God is for. So for me I understand that there is a spiritual battle to this work. The Bible is not silent on this topic. Today something happened that made that part of the fight far to real.

I left early due to some errands I had to run but couldn't shake the events of the day. I called a dear friend who stopped what she was doing and prayed for me as I drove to my first stop. As she prayed I reflected on the evil I had felt earlier and she prayed about satan being a gnat in my ear trying to distract and all I could think of was this is no tiny gnat. It felt like a lion, and the Bible verse that speaks of satan being like a lion roaming the earth seeking who he can devour began to come to my mind. At the same time my thoughts turn to Aslan of Narnia. It was just a few seconds after these thoughts that I heard my friend's voice on the phone include in her prayer Aslan and Lucy (she does great word pictures). It was about this time that I arrived at my first stop and was able to park my car. I allowed my friend's prayer to wash over me with truth and calm yet it was hard to ignore the darkness of the day.

We said Amen and then goodbye and I thanked this dear sister in the Lord for her time and prayer. I went into the store and it felt like I had walked right into the arms of God. It was a Christian Bookstore and every sight and every sound reminded me of my Lord. Then as I walked by an end-cap I noticed a book with a picture of Aslan from Narnia on it. My soul smiled even if I couldn't.

Back in my car the image of satan prowling the earth like a lion came back to my mind. But this time the lion came face to face with another Lion. The two stared into each others eyes and they looked almost identical. Then the Lion roared. If it were real I imagined it would be a roar so loud that my ears would ring for hours or maybe even cause me to go deaf. While the Lion roared the other lion suddenly looked completely different. It was smaller and weak, skin and bones, no fight in him, he just hung his head and looked pathetic.

I am strengthened by the prayer of a dear friend and the thought of my God standing in the gap with me. The Lion of Judah. The song I've heard so many times surrounds me with great comfort in this moment, "If my God is for me, who can be against me."

I will get up tomorrow and walk by faith that God will equip me for the battle; whatever that might be. That nothing escapes His notice or happens without His knowledge. And that it is God who has placed me in this fight; to stand for truth, to love those many would not, to cry when tears are all there are, and to protect the most unprotected people group in this nation - the unborn.

Evacuation Update

Well we went back to Town Center and learned that there was a bomb threat yesterday when we were there which is why they made us all leave. So I guess going to the parking lot and not staying close to the buildings was the best thing to do.

The good news is I got those black pants I wanted! And even more stuff as many of the stores had really good clearance sales going on. Especially NY&C! Very good deals there! Wow, like things were $3.99 and up. Then there were a few stores that are "closing" so I had check out the deals in those stores too.

Needless to say Gary came back home very tired following me around and had to take a nap. I went back out and shopped at Target where I found even more good sales. I'd love to tell you I saved a lot of money today, which I did, but I also spent money. How's that saying go "you have to spend money to save money"? Hee hee.

EMERGENCY EVACUATION!

So Gary and I are having a good time shopping at a center we seldom go to. Town Center is a good outdoor shopping mall but for some reason we don't go there often even though it is closest to our home.

Today we were finding GREAT bargains and I was very excited because we had just gotten to a store where I had hope I might find nice black dress pants that actually fit. AND they were on sale! I was about to go in the dressing room when I noticed someone walking around store telling people to leave. I thought it was a customer at first and then she said "This is an emergency evacuation. Everyone MUST leave RIGHT now. The entire mall is being evacuated and you have to leave now."

Quickly I found my husband, put down the pants I had hoped to try on, and we headed to the front door with the dozens of other shoppers in this store. As we waited to get out I wondered what the "emergency" was. Was it safe to go out into the parking lot not knowing what was going on? I had no idea but we were given no other choice.

So we headed out and immediately saw that many other stores must have told their shoppers to leave before our store did. The parking lot was grid locked. I was glad to see no one panicking but I still had no idea if there was danger anywhere and what was the best thing to do? Should we walk out away from the building and cross the parking lot to get to our car? Should we stay close to the buildings? Where was the danger? What was the danger?

We chose to move away from the building in case there was a gunman or a bomb threat. We felt we had more choices if we needed to move fast. Looking down the lot in the opposite direction of where we were headed we could see lots of emergency vehicles but they were too far away for us to guess what might be the problem.

We got to our car and fortunately I knew my way around the parking lot and we left quickly and without incident. But I'm still left wondering what the emergency was and was sending us to the parking lot the right thing to do? I may never find out.

Or maybe I will when I go back tomorrow to try on those pants!!!!!

New Year's R________

Okay, so I'm not real big on resolutions. Mostly because it has become so commercialized. But every year I do tend to have a theme. One that I hope promotes growth and knowledge and some years it is just for fun. This year Gary and I have said that we are resolved to cook more at home and even try to cook one new meal a week, something we haven't made before.

Last year my theme was to understand more deeply what it means to be fully surrendered to God. I sang the song "I surrender all" and I began to wonder what exactly am I committing to. I knew I was singing the words with all my heart but I wasn't sure I fully understood what it was I was offering to the Lord. Let me tell you this was not an easy year for learning this lesson and it took me down a path I was not expecting.

What God taught me or reminded me was that to be fully surrendered to Him meant that I needed to be fully vulnerable to Him. And these are not lessons I learn easily so there were some tough ones over the past twelve months. I did my best to endure through the lessons and found that as I allowed myself to be fully vulnerable to God that there was a new dependence on Him that resulted. And in those deep moments of udder dependence I learned a new level of trusting Him to use it all for His glory. Some endings to these lessons are not known yet but I am trusting that God is in control of it all. And I understand better that through my giving up of my control over things and giving it to God that I grow closer to surrendering it all to Him. Besides, it all really belongs to Him anyways.

I'm glad 2008 is over and as I began to wonder what my theme for 2009 would be I must admit I was a bit scared. Then I noticed a theme beginning to develop in December and now I know what my area of concentration for 2009 will be. A few years back I journaled all year with the first sentence being "A saw God today". Well, this year I plan to do that same thing only the first sentence for each journal entry will begin with "I experienced God today when...".

Today during my quiet time and time for reflection I wondered what God will show me in 2009. I picked up an old book that I read every once in a while about strong women with tender hearts. I come from generations of strong women and for the longest time I never saw past their strength to the tenderness of their hearts. Anyway, in the book it talked about our walk with the Lord and I began to think about the fact that with my current heel issues I won't be having my walks with God like I had in the past.

Then I thought that perhaps this is a blessing and part of my journey. God wants to show me those special times are not reserved for those few moments out on the path during a long walk. No, that is kind of like saying I go to church on Sunday and then never spend anytime praying or in His word the rest of the week. I need to learn to experience God all the time, not just during "my" walks. He walks with me even when I forget He is there.

So perhaps this year my blog entries will have bits and pieces about this year's theme as I am open to what God wants me to experience in 2009. I pray you too will consider how God plans to grow, teach, and change you in the coming year. Through good times and bad times. Through trials and through victories. Look for the Lord in all you do, He is there.

God even gave me a jump start last month when I got to hold my grandson in my arms. I thought about how unique this little person is and how God planned for him to be born now to the parents God specifically chose for him. He, Linus Clayton Gosa, never existed before in all of human history and will never exist again. This is it, this is the time God planned for him. I thought about the family legacies that he comes from. Gary and I spent time thinking about Linus and his parents and his grandparents and his great-grandparents and knew that God has a plan and a purpose for his life. We knew that all these things weave together to make him unique and special. Special to us and special to God.We shared with Kevin and Laura the things God put on our hearts and together we prayed for Linus and I knew we experienced a special moment in the presence of God.

The night before we left I held Linus in my arms with Gary right next to me and thought about how much we loved him. I thought about how I would do anything for this little guy, including give my life to protect him. And I looked at my husband and knew he felt the same way. Then I whispered in my husbands ear about the things I was feeling and together we knew that our love for Linus is nothing compared to how much God loves him. Our love is so deep and strong for this little guy who is just sweet and innocent and I knew I experienced God when I realized that His love for me, and for you, is so much more than that. And, most of us - no - ALL of us are not as sweet and innocent as a two week old newborn baby. Yet, God loves us anyway with a love that motivated Him to send His one and only Son to die for us. Amazing grace, is just that...amazing!