Putting God First - Do unto others

(This devotion was written to a specific audience. The staff at a crisis pregnancy center. Yet, it holds truths that apply to many occupations and life situations.)


Recently I’ve been reminded about how important it is to understand others. When I was in retail I had a boss who insisted “the customer is ALWAYS right even when they are wrong”. If he ever caught us treating a customer poorly…well let me just say that you didn’t do it twice. And if you did, you quickly found yourself looking for a new place to work.

For me understanding another person is not just having empathy for them or placating them. No, it is about trying to learn what struggles they face and what their perception of their situation is. For example:

My husband and I have found ourselves living in hotel due to a home issue going on. We are going in to our fifth week. Week one was okay, week two was tolerable, week three was boring and so on. Two days ago we woke up in the middle of the night because the fire alarms were going off. After a while we were able to return to our room because the problem was not a fire but a possible defective sprinkler system in another room that caused the sprinklers to go off and created a major water mess in that area of the hotel (fortunately for us we were on the other side of the hotel). Last night I was talking with the front desk and the woman (who we are getting to know very well after a month) shared with us that the gentleman in the suite with the problem had his heat up as high as it could go and they now think the issue is that his room hit 95 or 100 degrees which caused the sprinklers to go off. To make matters worse he doesn’t speak any English and was so frightened when the sprinkles went off he didn’t tell anyone hoping it would stop and he could just clean things up. I felt bad for him in that moment knowing he is a businessman who was brought in by some company to do some specific task and given his culture this type of embarrassment is more than just being embarrassed. It is a matter of disrespect for his employer. Dishonor is the word that comes to mind.

But I digress. While we were at the front desk the kind woman shared that she received the call extending our room yet another week. I said something like “Well we certainly like all of you here but we hope to get back in our home some day soon.” She laughed and said “I know exactly what you mean. One day I had to spend the night here because the weather was so bad out I couldn’t get home.” She remarked how she had missed her bed. I thought to myself, “Really? One night? Try 30 or 40 nights!” And later I started to think about how hotel management might find it good to require their employees to be guests in the hotel when they first start on the job. Let them really understand what the people paying to stay there experience. I wonder how that might change the way they approach their job.

The other situation that happened is that I was trying to help a young pregnant woman who was homeless find a place to stay. Being homeless you don’t have the basic things you need to change your situation. She was frustrated, lonely and lost. I offered to make some calls for her. It was in that process that I discovered many (not all) of the ministries trying to serve homeless people might not quite “get” what their lives are like. Often I called a phone number only to discover I had to leave a message and someone would “call me back”. I thought to myself “how many homeless people have a phone?” Or the place didn’t have room, or they had room but they only take women 21 and younger, or they only take women with children (pregnant doesn’t count), or they only help women who are escaping from domestic violence. I made a dozen or more calls and found myself very frustrated with the entire process. And I have resources at my disposal. How much more frustrating must it be for those that don’t?

The Bible verse that goes something like “do unto others as you’d have them do unto you” kept coming into my head. I remember hearing it as a child and getting the lecture about “be nice”. I remember finding it hard to be nice, especially when the person (usually a sibling) wasn’t being nice to me. And while I believe the “be nice” interpretation of that Bible verse is valid, I am starting learn there is much more to it than that.

I think God wants us to really try to understand what the other person is going through, from THEIR point of view…not mine. And before I offer to help I think I really need to figure out what the actual need is and then determine if my fix is appropriate for their condition. Sort of like having a homeless hotline number where you actually answer the phone. Or before saying something like “I know what you are going through” making sure you are not comparing a one night stay in a hotel to a 40 night stay. There is a distinct difference, especially when in one case the person actually could go home to their own bed and the other could not.

We also had a situation with a client who is abusing drugs. The volunteer understood that she needed help beyond the pregnancy, the kind a rehab place could give. But she also understood that walking through the door of the hospital alone was almost more than this woman could even begin to think about. There are things in her life that from our perspective seem insignificant compared to drug abuse (like a dog, or being able to have a cigarette). But from her perspective it makes complete sense to her. I’m very thankful the volunteer working with this client didn’t judge her, but instead worked hard to help her.

If you’ve made it this far thank you. For me this has GREAT application to what we do. Not all of us who work or volunteer here have experienced an unplanned pregnancy. For us when a client states her boyfriend will leave her if she continues the pregnancy we might think “let him go”. But we are making that call from a place of safety. She is not.

For some clients just walking in our front door is the scariest thing they will ever do. All their fears come with them. The first “hello” they get tells them a lot about what to expect from us. If they aren’t greeted well or timely and they see people in the office talking (or does it look like gossiping to them?) how will that affect the rest of their experience? If the person counseling them talks more then they listen what will that do in their hearts? If they call our hotline and all they are given is a bunch of numbers to call but they don’t have that ability, how have we helped them?

I think we do an OUTSTANDING job of meeting our clients needs. But I also believe that shouldn’t put us in a position of comfort because I think that is when we have the greatest risk of forgetting about what the client is experiencing and needs. I’ve watched over the years as you and others have modeled Matthew 7:12. Thank you! Keep up the good work! It is because of that attitude that women come here for help. It is that experience that sets us apart from others.

Matthew 7:12
"In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

(http://www.adviceandaid.com/)