So maybe 5 years ago my husband said, "Let's sell the house and move into an apartment."
To which I responded, "ARE YOU NUTS?????"
2 years later he had convinced me that we would love being apartment dwellers again and so a few thousands dollars later (new windows, new siding, and other things that needed to be done to make the house "marketable") we said goodbye to the house we had lived in for 10 years.
Welcome apartment living! AWESOME! No yard to mow. Less expenses. No property taxes. Can I hear an AMEN? And on top of all that we have pool we don't have to maintain, a gym we don't have to pay dues for, and life is good.
A little over 2 years later my husband says, "I think we should buy a house again."
To which I respond, "ARE YOU NUTS????"
Is anyone else seeing a pattern here?
Think about it he says, "we only have a one car garage, we occasionally have very loud and drunk neighbors - remember when the police had to come?, our space is not a home we really can't do anything we want to it, we are at the beckon call of the landlord, rent keeps going up but nothing gets better because of it", etc.
So I call the real estate agent.
One year later we spend almost an hour in a bank signing the myriad of papers they put in front of us, write a big check, and walk out with a key that's retail value is about one dollar. I look at the key and think "wow, that is one expensive key".
We go to our new home and open the door and feel the joy of home ownership once again. Really, I guess it takes a while being away from it to appreciate it again. We reflect on all the tiny miracles that happened to get us to this point:
- Interest rates dropped
- Real estate dropped
- President Obama offered us $8,000 to be home owners once again (sold last home 3/16/06 - first time buyer tax credit applies if you have not owned a home in over 3 years, bought house today - 3/18/09 . Can someone say "hmmmm"?)
- Fears of major issues found at inspection turn out to be unfounded
- Just when we need it a guy pulls up at the house we are considering buying with a ladder in the back of his truck. Minutes after I said "wish we would have brought a ladder".
Well I guess some of these miracles aren't so tiny. But I wonder, will I miss being an apartment dweller and the freedom that affords?
NO!
God made sure of that. This week has been a nightmare and a HUGE reminder that we are just living in someone else's space and subject to their rule and dominion. A long story I could not due justice in this note but one that is worthy of telling.
Fire sprinklers in our building have been recalled. All of them must be replaced. We have to move EVERYTHING away from the sprinklers and EMPTY all closets that have one in them. That is just about every room and closet in our little dwelling. So Sunday evening is spent moving everything we can out of closets and against walls. Moving furniture so it isn't under sprinklers and then Monday morning all the cloths are carefully taken out of closets, laid on the bed and covered with blankets. The last item has to undone at night since we must sleep on that bed and the next morning the ritual is repeated. For THREE days! That was Monday. Tomorrow is Friday and I have to do it all again. They didn't show on Monday. We were told they will start Wednesday. They didn't show on Wednesday. We were told they will start on Thursday. They did show today so this evening is spent getting exercise bending over picking up thousands of tiny pieces of orange plastic that flies all over the place when you remove fire sprinklers. Something I didn't know before and could have died happy not knowing it. Maybe they will finish tomorrow, who knows.
So I consider it a gift from God - a new house - with a bow on top - a reminder of why I don't want to live in an apartment any more.
Well at least not until my husband says, "Honey....."
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Thinking again
So I was driving home and this man on a bicycle was riding like he was in a car. Just using whatever lane he wanted and going all over the road. Common in other countries but so much here.
He decided he wanted to turn left at an intersection and right as he got to it the light turned RED! I didn't think he would stop and prepared myself to watch him get hit by a car. He stopped. Phew.
The incident reminded me of a time in Florida when I witnessed a not so smart person on a motorcycle do something stupid while trying to show off. BAM, right into the back of an SUV. It was horrible to witness and I cried. I think I might have even let out a little scream.
This is when I started thinking about all the times I have screamed because something startled me, shocked me, angered me, or just surprised me in such a way that an uninvited, unexpected, unpremeditated SCREAM came out.
I began to wonder if God screams. After all we are made in his image and these times when I've screamed for these types of situations seem to just happen. Like instinct or something. Like something designed into my being for some unknown reason. So, I ask you, does God scream?
If He does. What would cause Him to scream. What horror or injustice would be so terrible that God would just scream? Nothing surprises Him so I know that would never be the cause. No, I guess as I think about it God would never scream. Not in the sense I do.
But He does cry. What makes God cry?
Think about it.
He decided he wanted to turn left at an intersection and right as he got to it the light turned RED! I didn't think he would stop and prepared myself to watch him get hit by a car. He stopped. Phew.
The incident reminded me of a time in Florida when I witnessed a not so smart person on a motorcycle do something stupid while trying to show off. BAM, right into the back of an SUV. It was horrible to witness and I cried. I think I might have even let out a little scream.
This is when I started thinking about all the times I have screamed because something startled me, shocked me, angered me, or just surprised me in such a way that an uninvited, unexpected, unpremeditated SCREAM came out.
I began to wonder if God screams. After all we are made in his image and these times when I've screamed for these types of situations seem to just happen. Like instinct or something. Like something designed into my being for some unknown reason. So, I ask you, does God scream?
If He does. What would cause Him to scream. What horror or injustice would be so terrible that God would just scream? Nothing surprises Him so I know that would never be the cause. No, I guess as I think about it God would never scream. Not in the sense I do.
But He does cry. What makes God cry?
Think about it.
Friday, May 29, 2009
3AM
"I saw 3 AM again" is part of a line in a song I hear on the radio now and then. It speaks to seeing it for all the wrong reasons.
Well, last night I saw 2AM, 3AM, and 4AM. Not sure why I couldn't sleep because I was dead tired. I did have an incredibly terrible headache during the day but I don't think that is what kept me awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.
I laid there thinking about how many people would be distraught if they were awake at that hour for that amount of time. But for some reason I enjoyed the fact that I didn't have do anything, or be anywhere, or even move if I didn't want to. I didn't spend the time thinking about that day or tomorrow or all the things there are to do. No I just enjoyed doing nothing. I wasn't even angry that I couldn't fall back to sleep.
Those are typically the times when I pray and seek God. I did a bit of that but then I heard my husband's rhythmic breathing next to me. I just listened as he would breathe in and then out. I remembered back to the first time a met him. It was a blind date and there were two things that stood out in my mind from that first encounter. One was how incredibly sweet he was and the other was how safe I felt when he held my hand. Even at that moment when he would still be considered a stranger.
Then I remembered our first apartment we had together. Over 30 years ago and in my minds eye I could see him, a 20-something young man, who was so devoted and looked at me as if I were the only woman he had ever seen. I remembered to earlier in the evening when he was caring for me with my headache. The face, hair, and body of this man may have aged over the years but that look is still in his eyes. To be so loved is a gift that nothing can compare to.
Again, I hear his breathing. I look at the clock and see it is 3:30AM. I realize that in less 2 hours his alarm will go off and a new day will begin. I think to myself that maybe I had better try to fall asleep. Before sleep comes I enjoy 30 more minutes of doing nothing.
Well, last night I saw 2AM, 3AM, and 4AM. Not sure why I couldn't sleep because I was dead tired. I did have an incredibly terrible headache during the day but I don't think that is what kept me awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.
I laid there thinking about how many people would be distraught if they were awake at that hour for that amount of time. But for some reason I enjoyed the fact that I didn't have do anything, or be anywhere, or even move if I didn't want to. I didn't spend the time thinking about that day or tomorrow or all the things there are to do. No I just enjoyed doing nothing. I wasn't even angry that I couldn't fall back to sleep.
Those are typically the times when I pray and seek God. I did a bit of that but then I heard my husband's rhythmic breathing next to me. I just listened as he would breathe in and then out. I remembered back to the first time a met him. It was a blind date and there were two things that stood out in my mind from that first encounter. One was how incredibly sweet he was and the other was how safe I felt when he held my hand. Even at that moment when he would still be considered a stranger.
Then I remembered our first apartment we had together. Over 30 years ago and in my minds eye I could see him, a 20-something young man, who was so devoted and looked at me as if I were the only woman he had ever seen. I remembered to earlier in the evening when he was caring for me with my headache. The face, hair, and body of this man may have aged over the years but that look is still in his eyes. To be so loved is a gift that nothing can compare to.
Again, I hear his breathing. I look at the clock and see it is 3:30AM. I realize that in less 2 hours his alarm will go off and a new day will begin. I think to myself that maybe I had better try to fall asleep. Before sleep comes I enjoy 30 more minutes of doing nothing.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
What IS heaven?
So I asked her, "where do you think you will go after you die?"
The answer surprisingly was one I've heard before. She said, "to a place where everyone goes after they die". She went on to explain that there is no heaven or hell or purgatory or "any of that stuff". That everyone goes to the same place and they all live together there forever.
"Is God there?", I asked. She wasn't sure but she knew there was a God. So I asked, "Will Hitler be in the same place you will be?"
She thought for a very long time before answering that one. She wasn't sure but it seemed she needed to say yes because if she didn't then she knew that what she said earlier would have no meaning. So she said, "Yes, but he will be farther away in this place from where I will be. But it will still be the same place. It is hard to explain."
Where did she get this understanding? She wasn't sure. She just "knows it". She doesn't believe what her mother believes and she doesn't believe what the church she has gone to teaches. She has heard about Jesus Christ and said she understands God sent him and that he died on a cross.
What she didn't know is that Jesus is God and that He gave up heaven to come to earth. Gave up everything so He could be human and live among us. He did this so we once again could be united with our Creator. We talked about being created and what that means. We talked about how much God loves us and that Jesus came so we could be saved. I shared how Jesus died not because He sinned...but because we do. I shared with her my own path of sin and learning about God. I shared with her how once I too was confused and unsure about what would happen after I died.
She listened and wondered what was true. What she made up or what I was sharing. So I told her that the truth she seeks can be found. That God gave us the truth by putting it in the written word that we call the Bible. I shared that there is so much evidence that proves the Bible to be true and reliable and it can be validated.
I could tell that she was overwhelmed and had no interest in researching these things on her own. She has heard so many "stories" during her lifetime and has never investigated or researched any of what she believes to be true. No, it is easier to believe just because it sounds good to her. If she thinks it is true that is enough. She doesn't have to be able to prove it or justify it to anyone.
But she still has so many questions and no answers for them based on the theology she has created. This conversation did not happen in a country where the Gospel is not available. No it happened here in the middle of the USA.
As I reflect back on the conversation I had with the woman I realize that when we seek God on our own we often do not find Him, we tend to create him in our image. No, it is God who first seeks us. It is God who leads us to truth. Not because of who we are or how good we are or who we might become. Just because of how much He loves us. So much that He sent His one and only Son to die for us. God knew that left on our own we would stay lost.
But that does not mean we don't have free will to reject the gift that He has given us. The woman I spoke with is now faced with that choice. Accept what is true and grow in the wisdom of the Lord or refuse the truth and spend eternity without Him. I once read that hell is not hell because of the heat or the fire or the punishment. Hell is hell because of the absence of God. I can't imagine life here or in eternity without God, that would be hell. Heaven is being in God's presence forever. I pray she finds the Truth she is seeking. I pray He uses the words I shared to direct her on to the narrow path that leads to Him. I pray God allows me to share the Good News about Him with many others in my community who still don't know the Truth.
AMEN
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 14:16 - Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."
The answer surprisingly was one I've heard before. She said, "to a place where everyone goes after they die". She went on to explain that there is no heaven or hell or purgatory or "any of that stuff". That everyone goes to the same place and they all live together there forever.
"Is God there?", I asked. She wasn't sure but she knew there was a God. So I asked, "Will Hitler be in the same place you will be?"
She thought for a very long time before answering that one. She wasn't sure but it seemed she needed to say yes because if she didn't then she knew that what she said earlier would have no meaning. So she said, "Yes, but he will be farther away in this place from where I will be. But it will still be the same place. It is hard to explain."
Where did she get this understanding? She wasn't sure. She just "knows it". She doesn't believe what her mother believes and she doesn't believe what the church she has gone to teaches. She has heard about Jesus Christ and said she understands God sent him and that he died on a cross.
What she didn't know is that Jesus is God and that He gave up heaven to come to earth. Gave up everything so He could be human and live among us. He did this so we once again could be united with our Creator. We talked about being created and what that means. We talked about how much God loves us and that Jesus came so we could be saved. I shared how Jesus died not because He sinned...but because we do. I shared with her my own path of sin and learning about God. I shared with her how once I too was confused and unsure about what would happen after I died.
She listened and wondered what was true. What she made up or what I was sharing. So I told her that the truth she seeks can be found. That God gave us the truth by putting it in the written word that we call the Bible. I shared that there is so much evidence that proves the Bible to be true and reliable and it can be validated.
I could tell that she was overwhelmed and had no interest in researching these things on her own. She has heard so many "stories" during her lifetime and has never investigated or researched any of what she believes to be true. No, it is easier to believe just because it sounds good to her. If she thinks it is true that is enough. She doesn't have to be able to prove it or justify it to anyone.
But she still has so many questions and no answers for them based on the theology she has created. This conversation did not happen in a country where the Gospel is not available. No it happened here in the middle of the USA.
As I reflect back on the conversation I had with the woman I realize that when we seek God on our own we often do not find Him, we tend to create him in our image. No, it is God who first seeks us. It is God who leads us to truth. Not because of who we are or how good we are or who we might become. Just because of how much He loves us. So much that He sent His one and only Son to die for us. God knew that left on our own we would stay lost.
But that does not mean we don't have free will to reject the gift that He has given us. The woman I spoke with is now faced with that choice. Accept what is true and grow in the wisdom of the Lord or refuse the truth and spend eternity without Him. I once read that hell is not hell because of the heat or the fire or the punishment. Hell is hell because of the absence of God. I can't imagine life here or in eternity without God, that would be hell. Heaven is being in God's presence forever. I pray she finds the Truth she is seeking. I pray He uses the words I shared to direct her on to the narrow path that leads to Him. I pray God allows me to share the Good News about Him with many others in my community who still don't know the Truth.
AMEN
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 14:16 - Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."
Friday, May 1, 2009
Dignity and Infinite Mercy
My in-laws have found what we were praying for. Gary's brother Steve and his wife Mary have turned their world and their home upside down in order to care for them.
This week dad was released from the rehab center and Steve and Mary brought him and mom home to live with them. They both know this will be a road filled with many difficulties but as Steve said, "it will all be worth it to have even one chance to see dad smile again."
I looked back at an earlier post and was reminded that when I had no words to pray for Gary's dad all I could ask God for was to bring him a little dignity. I also requested that God would show them both infinite mercy. Both of those requests were answered beyond anything I could have imagined.
I spoke with Gary's mom the evening of the big move to their new home and she said dad woke up that morning full of joy, excitement, and humor. He wouldn't stop talking and was making everyone in the rehab center laugh. Now that's the Eugene Clayton Gosa we all know and love.
May God grant him many moments of joy, humor, and smiles for whatever days he is given.
May God give him and mom quiet moments together that only they can truly cherish.
And May God bless Steve and Mary in ways they could never imagine for putting their love to action that requires great sacrifice.
I am overwhelmed. Our God IS and awesome God.
This week dad was released from the rehab center and Steve and Mary brought him and mom home to live with them. They both know this will be a road filled with many difficulties but as Steve said, "it will all be worth it to have even one chance to see dad smile again."
I looked back at an earlier post and was reminded that when I had no words to pray for Gary's dad all I could ask God for was to bring him a little dignity. I also requested that God would show them both infinite mercy. Both of those requests were answered beyond anything I could have imagined.
I spoke with Gary's mom the evening of the big move to their new home and she said dad woke up that morning full of joy, excitement, and humor. He wouldn't stop talking and was making everyone in the rehab center laugh. Now that's the Eugene Clayton Gosa we all know and love.
May God grant him many moments of joy, humor, and smiles for whatever days he is given.
May God give him and mom quiet moments together that only they can truly cherish.
And May God bless Steve and Mary in ways they could never imagine for putting their love to action that requires great sacrifice.
I am overwhelmed. Our God IS and awesome God.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
To do or not to do
Faced with a dilemma, what is right?
I wonder do I act, or just hold tight?
Godly wisdom is all I seek.
The answer is not the one I need.
"To do" that's the way I'm lead.
When "not to do" was in my head.
I fight the urge but God wins out.
Now I'm filled with lots of doubt.
Why me Lord? Ask someone else today.
But His answer is clear and so I obey.
My task now done it hurt to do.
No glory for me, I turn to You.
God be honored use this for good.
Released to you - its all soul food.
Trust the Lord with eternity.
These are the things I pray for me.
I wonder do I act, or just hold tight?
Godly wisdom is all I seek.
The answer is not the one I need.
"To do" that's the way I'm lead.
When "not to do" was in my head.
I fight the urge but God wins out.
Now I'm filled with lots of doubt.
Why me Lord? Ask someone else today.
But His answer is clear and so I obey.
My task now done it hurt to do.
No glory for me, I turn to You.
God be honored use this for good.
Released to you - its all soul food.
Trust the Lord with eternity.
These are the things I pray for me.
Monday, April 13, 2009
The dream
So I lost my voice and found out how much I need something that I take for granted. Then that night I had this dream.
I can't remember most of it. But I remember the lesson. I was wandering around this city with my family (husband and kids) when everything started to change and get complicated. One by one my family left me. They said they would be back but never did return. I had a purse and other things but someone robbed me and took it all. Except for one dollar. They told me to leave and so I just started wandering around. I was crying and frightened. All I had was the cloths I was wearing and that one dollar bill. Everything important to me was gone. Somehow I knew it was God who took it all. It was so difficult to comprehend what I was feeling at that moment but I guess helplessness comes to mind.
I woke up still uneasy about the dream. I thought that maybe is was due to having lost my voice. But I found that over the next few days I would often reflect back on this dream and the feelings I had during it. Feelings that are difficult to find words to express. Someone who once had it all and now had nothing could probably understand what it felt like. I'm sure that Job from the Bible knew.
The next three days were spent in the rehab center with my in-laws. My father-in-law is 88 and has many health issues. Day one was hard as he was so drugged up he didn't even know who we were. Day two we had them reduce the pain meds and he was only slightly better. I think he knew we were there but communicating with us was not possible. He also was unable to remain awake or complete a sentence. At the end of day we (the family) said to take him off all the narcotics he was on since we didn't even recognize him anymore. Day three we could see signs of his personality coming back to us. He will most likely never go back home to his apartment. He will need medical care for whatever remaining days God gives him.
As I watched him I reflected on the long life this man has had. I remember that he served in WWII, skiing the border of Alaska - protected America. Frost bite and the cold took its toll on this man but he survived and returned home to get a job, a wife, and raise of family of five. For decades he worked in a factory job that also took its toll on his body. Now at the age of 88 he sits in this wheelchair unable to lift his head from the slumped over position we are getting used to seeing.
Simple tasks are no longer possible for him. He has had everything taken away from him. He can't walk, he needs help to eat, he can't focus on things, even simple tasks like blowing his nose are challenging. And when he looks at his wife of over 60 years you can see the sadness in his eyes as you realize that he understands his condition and knows he will always need someones help to eat. Quietly he whispers to her "I'm tired." Again and again I hear him whisper this to her. He doesn't mean physically tired even though that small sentence took a lot of energy for him to say. He has been battling strong and hard for over 10 years now. A constant war with pain that he may not have the ability to keep fighting.
My heart hurts as I hold back tears and wish growing old didn't have to include these types of difficulties. Yet, I walk the halls of the rehab center and see many many elderly men and women all fighting their own private war. I realize that the feelings I can't find words to express from my dream may slightly be what my father-in-law is feeling. He tries to express it at times but he is from a generation where men did not show weakness.
We watch as the physical therapist pushes him to but one cup on another. A small task but we celebrate when he accomplishes it. He looks over at us and you know that he knows how embarassing this is. And it is only one of the minor things that causes him embarassment these days. I wonder what he is thinking. Is he thinking that you celebrate when a 3 year old places cups in the right order and can stack them one on the other, not 88 year old men?
He looks at his wife, she looks back, and the words that are unsaid between the two of them could fill an entire novel. Again, I want to cry but I know if I do he will know that I know too much; so I hold my tears and wait until later when I am alone. I pray and am not sure what to even ask for so I ask for nothing.
Later it comes to me and I ask God to please find a way, any way, to give this dignified man some sense of dignity. It doesn't seem like much to ask for but it does seem like it is something only God could provide him at this point.
I'm left to wonder if the loss of my voice and the dream from the other night were gifts to me so that I would observe more and be more in tune to what my in-laws might be going through. I'm sure that when they were in their 20's and newly married they had dreams for their old age that didn't include what they are now living. My dream was just that, a dream. What I felt as a result of that dream was just a tiny sampling of what they must be experiencing and feeling.
My voice is back now, not fully normal but on its way to being what it once was. Their lives will never be the same again. Dear Heavenly Father, please show them Your infinite mercy. AMEN
I can't remember most of it. But I remember the lesson. I was wandering around this city with my family (husband and kids) when everything started to change and get complicated. One by one my family left me. They said they would be back but never did return. I had a purse and other things but someone robbed me and took it all. Except for one dollar. They told me to leave and so I just started wandering around. I was crying and frightened. All I had was the cloths I was wearing and that one dollar bill. Everything important to me was gone. Somehow I knew it was God who took it all. It was so difficult to comprehend what I was feeling at that moment but I guess helplessness comes to mind.
I woke up still uneasy about the dream. I thought that maybe is was due to having lost my voice. But I found that over the next few days I would often reflect back on this dream and the feelings I had during it. Feelings that are difficult to find words to express. Someone who once had it all and now had nothing could probably understand what it felt like. I'm sure that Job from the Bible knew.
The next three days were spent in the rehab center with my in-laws. My father-in-law is 88 and has many health issues. Day one was hard as he was so drugged up he didn't even know who we were. Day two we had them reduce the pain meds and he was only slightly better. I think he knew we were there but communicating with us was not possible. He also was unable to remain awake or complete a sentence. At the end of day we (the family) said to take him off all the narcotics he was on since we didn't even recognize him anymore. Day three we could see signs of his personality coming back to us. He will most likely never go back home to his apartment. He will need medical care for whatever remaining days God gives him.
As I watched him I reflected on the long life this man has had. I remember that he served in WWII, skiing the border of Alaska - protected America. Frost bite and the cold took its toll on this man but he survived and returned home to get a job, a wife, and raise of family of five. For decades he worked in a factory job that also took its toll on his body. Now at the age of 88 he sits in this wheelchair unable to lift his head from the slumped over position we are getting used to seeing.
Simple tasks are no longer possible for him. He has had everything taken away from him. He can't walk, he needs help to eat, he can't focus on things, even simple tasks like blowing his nose are challenging. And when he looks at his wife of over 60 years you can see the sadness in his eyes as you realize that he understands his condition and knows he will always need someones help to eat. Quietly he whispers to her "I'm tired." Again and again I hear him whisper this to her. He doesn't mean physically tired even though that small sentence took a lot of energy for him to say. He has been battling strong and hard for over 10 years now. A constant war with pain that he may not have the ability to keep fighting.
My heart hurts as I hold back tears and wish growing old didn't have to include these types of difficulties. Yet, I walk the halls of the rehab center and see many many elderly men and women all fighting their own private war. I realize that the feelings I can't find words to express from my dream may slightly be what my father-in-law is feeling. He tries to express it at times but he is from a generation where men did not show weakness.
We watch as the physical therapist pushes him to but one cup on another. A small task but we celebrate when he accomplishes it. He looks over at us and you know that he knows how embarassing this is. And it is only one of the minor things that causes him embarassment these days. I wonder what he is thinking. Is he thinking that you celebrate when a 3 year old places cups in the right order and can stack them one on the other, not 88 year old men?
He looks at his wife, she looks back, and the words that are unsaid between the two of them could fill an entire novel. Again, I want to cry but I know if I do he will know that I know too much; so I hold my tears and wait until later when I am alone. I pray and am not sure what to even ask for so I ask for nothing.
Later it comes to me and I ask God to please find a way, any way, to give this dignified man some sense of dignity. It doesn't seem like much to ask for but it does seem like it is something only God could provide him at this point.
I'm left to wonder if the loss of my voice and the dream from the other night were gifts to me so that I would observe more and be more in tune to what my in-laws might be going through. I'm sure that when they were in their 20's and newly married they had dreams for their old age that didn't include what they are now living. My dream was just that, a dream. What I felt as a result of that dream was just a tiny sampling of what they must be experiencing and feeling.
My voice is back now, not fully normal but on its way to being what it once was. Their lives will never be the same again. Dear Heavenly Father, please show them Your infinite mercy. AMEN
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