FOG

I hate driving in fog. The limited visibility brings out the worse in me. This has been an issue with me for decades now. And then, I moved to Florida. I have found that, particularly in winter, the mornings can be quite foggy here. This morning it was exactly that!

Working in ministry I tend to use my commute time to pray and prepare myself for what the day may have in store. Not wanting the fog to deter me from that goal I began to contemplate what God might be wanting to tell me this morning, through the fog.

Here are the things I learned:

1. While God has already been in my tomorrows, I have not. As I travel this path with Him, I am not given the entire picture. I don't know how my story ends, or even what tomorrow (or this afternoon) will bring. But I can be confident in this: NOTHING SURPRISES GOD! He lights my path as far as He wants me to see.
2. As I drove, there were times when the visibility was better. Sometimes I could see half a mile down the road and then other times I could only see a few hundred feet. When the visibility is worse, SLOW DOWN! Life is like this. Sometimes when we are in the depth of despair or going through a rough patch, we want to hurry the process. But that could be dangerous in the long run. Occasionally, God is trying to teach us through those difficulties, something He knows we won't learn when things are calm. Look for Him and you will find Him.
3. Because the visibility is bad behind me and in front of me, I didn't see the car behind me until he was right on my tail. I was doing the speed limit but that wasn't fast enough for him. I had a choice, allow his bad behavior to push me to do something dangerous or stay the course. I worried he would try to pass me and there would be a head on collision because you couldn't see the oncoming traffic until it was too late. But his behavior was not something I could control. I know if I went faster, it would never be fast enough for him. I prayed and asked God to take care of the situation. I had to trust that God had my back. He did. The car turned on to another road and was no longer behind me. STAY THE COURSE! Don't be influenced by the bad behaviors of others.
4. As I looked in my rear view mirror I was reminded of the many times I counseled with individuals who made mistakes in their past and had serious regrets. I can relate to them, but I had to learn that I can't change the past. And if I spend too much time looking at the past, I don't see much of a future. Driving in the fog, it was easy to see if I focused too long on the rear view mirror, it would be easy to miss something right in front of me. An animal, a stalled car, there might some danger I could have avoided had I focused on what is in front of me instead of what was behind me. Sometimes it is dangerous to live in the past. It may not be easy, you might need help to refocus on the future, but it is a goal worth pursuing. Focusing on what is in front of us allows us to avoid future problems AND allows us to see the blessings that are there to enjoy. The rear view mirror has a purpose, as does our past. We learn from it, we grow as result, our past can help steer us to a better future. But we need to only give it so much of our time, attention and energy. This lesson from the fog, has much more to unpack yet. My past no longer "owns" me, I own it. I determine its value. I set its boundaries.
5. Each moment is a gift. This morning's fog could have set a tone to ruin my entire day had I let it. But seeking to see God in it, made it a very special time. Yes, even a foggy ride in to work can be a blessing.

The fog has lifted, the sky is a beautiful blue now. In fact, I think it is much prettier because of the way the day started. Had it been a normal, clear morning, I doubt I would value the beauty of the sun and sky as it is now. I'm quite sure I would just be taking it for granted. I'll let you draw your own lesson from this ending comment.

A funny thing happened on my way to feeling sorry for myself...

This story actually started a year ago. My husband and I decided we were done with apartment living. That is when we found a house to rent. I fell in love with it from the first time I saw it. But the odds of us getting it were slim. Then we did! It had been a long time since I lived somewhere I would label as "home". And this may be the first home we had that I felt an emotional connection to. So, when we got the news that our lease would NOT be renewed for a second year it was more than shock that engulfed me.

Fortunately, the news came when I was in a place of being thankful regardless of the circumstances swirling around me. And, I am still very thankful. Our landlords have been wonderful and we rejoice in their ability to retire early and move to Florida to enjoy their home. I am thankful for the year we have had here and the memories we made.

But this past Saturday, as I invested 6+ hours in trying to find a new place to live, I began to let the circumstances overwhelm me. The rental landscape has changed substantially in the past twelve months. A LOT less space...for a LOT more money. Place after place, neighborhood after neighborhood, only served to make my mood spiral downward.

I decided I needed ice cream to wallow in my sorrow with. I went to this cute place that I've always wanted to try but being close to it, I had a feeling the conditions inside were less than sanitary. So I drove off without getting out of my car. Needless to say this did not help my mood improve. Then I saw it, it glowed brighter than I've ever noticed before, a big DQ! I knew this lifeline of happiness was put there just for me. I parked the car and went in.

Yay! There was only one person in line. After a short time a GIANT of a man came in. He walked up to the counter in front of the person I was behind. I remember thinking "this man may be big, but with my mood, he better NOT come between me and my ice cream".

It was about 5 minutes before he realized what he had done. I was becoming annoyed not just by his presence, but by the fact that this ONE person in line was not moving yet. The giant said something about skipping in front of me as he got in line behind me. I decided to make a joke and said, "thank you, I was sure it would get ugly when I took you down". He laughed with a laugh that equaled his size and said, "I would have liked to see you try." I was glad he had a sense of humor.

The person in front of us was having a hard time paying for the meal he just bought. Annoyed again, I was thinking that if he wanted to buy food he should have gone somewhere else. DQ is for ICE CREAM! The only employee who seemed to be working at this time could not get this man's charge card to work. The man insisted it was good, he just used it to get gas in his car. The employee tried and tried. Was it 5 minutes, or maybe 10 by now? It felt like an hour. I could see the ice cream, I needed it and all that stood between me and what I wanted was this person in front of me. $7.27, that is what he owed. He asked if there was an ATM near by. But there wasn't. So I took out my wallet and handed the clerk a $20. "My treat, please use this to pay for his purchase." The man was overwhelmed and fairly embarrassed. He said "Oh no, that isn't necessary". I said, "I insist, it would be my privilege". It came out with the kindest, most sincere voice I ever heard myself use. Not sure where that came from because that wasn't the way I was feeling.

The giant behind me was deeply touched by this "act of kindness". I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was just trying to get rid of the guy so I could get my ice cream. The giant said, "what a rare act of kindness, so glad I was here to witness it". Now, I was the one embarrassed.

I ordered my blizzard and the giant insisted on paying for it. "Pay it forward", he said.

My mood was improved, not by the ice cream because I hadn't even taken a bite yet, just by the circumstances that surrounded getting it.

I left with a smile on my face and an ice cream in my hand. It doesn't get much better than that!  :)

Hobby Lobby

So I've been giving this a lot of thought for a very long time. I have so many thoughts and planned to share them. Then, I started seeing what was out there about this topic. WOW! There is a plethora of opinions in cyber space on it. Most are verbally abusive (from both sides) and not tolerant at all. I find that odd. I thought we lived in a country that worships tolerance.

Hmmm

I looked up the definition of tolerance:showing willingness to allow the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

I thought that was interesting. But, my source of wisdom does not come from the American dictionary. It comes from the Word of God. So I searched on tolerance and tolerant, in multiple versions of the Bible (Christian Bible). It varies, but on average, there are a total of 31,102 verses in the Bible. Who knew? Don't you feel smart now? (humor)

How many verses do you think came back when I searched on tolerance? A few thousand? A few hundred? Maybe a dozen or so? How about THREE! And one of those three is from the VERY wordy "Message" version. So, some might say there are really only TWO:
Romans 2:4 and Ephesians 4:2

Let's look at Ephesians 4:2 first, "...with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love..." and since I hate to take things out of context here is the entire sentence (verses 1-3): "Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

This is not being preached to people from different religions. It is being told to Christians. I must conclude that if it was necessary to tell them to show tolerance, IN LOVE, that they were not doing that. We think we are enlightened living in 2014. Not much changes. Perhaps Solomon was right, there is nothing new under the sun.

Now Romans 2:4, "Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?"

God is the ultimate example of tolerance. If you spend any time at all reading the Old Testament I think that will show itself. God only wants what is best for us.

So what does all this have to do with Hobby Lobby? Nothing really. It is just a reflection of where my thoughts take me. With all the opinions and views out there on that topic, no one needs to be subjected to mine.

How rude

So I wasn't sure what to blog about but figured I would get here and see what happens. Haven't been here in a while and when I got to the page a commercial came up. WHAT?! That never happened before. It was a commercial with two young people (male and female) "doing it". Nothing showed but the message was obvious. Then it was ended with the ad for a box of condoms. REALLY? I think it is just rude.

First of all I didn't ask for this type of junk to be put before me. At least with TV I can DVR and skip commercials. Couldn't do that with this one. Nope, just popped right up. Made me very sad. In fact, it ruined my whole mood.

Secondly, I thought the whole complaint with the internet was how "big brother" (whoever that is) is always watching and knows "everything" about you. If that were true, they should know my age. They should know I'm married. They should know I'm Christian. They should know, that based on all the information that is available about me, condoms is the last thing I need.

Just saying.

From princess, to evil, to princess again

Imagine a beautiful princess from a fairy tale waking up after a perfect night's sleep. Her skin is clear and her makeup already applied, not too much or she wouldn't look natural enough. For her beauty is outside for all to see, and inside for all to know. Her bed is what every one wishes they had; soft and luxurious. For some reason she sleeps outside and all of nature rejoices that she is awake! Little blue birds sing to her as playful butterflies dance around the bed and land softly on her arms.

Yes, this is exactly how I felt when I woke up this morning. To my surprise I had slept seven hours straight. A rare event in my life. I just laid in bed marveling at how great it felt to get that much sleep, and surprised at how it made me feel like a fairy tale princess.

But that was hours ago. A lot of life has happened between then and now. My heart aches for a young lady I met with today at the crisis pregnancy center where I serve. I've been doing this for many years and have met with a lot of women. Each one impacts me to some degree or another but few invade my heart the way this one did.

She told me how the abortion she had over a decade ago meant nothing to her. Her face told me a different story. The tears she could not keep back revealed her heart where her words couldn't. Unable to speak at times she would say, "I prefer not to talk about it". So, out of respect, I honored her request and we began to talk about this pregnancy. Her plan is to abort. She has been with the same man all this time but doesn't see a future with him. The utter defeat in her face caused me to ask "are you safe with him?" She assured me she was and said, "I prefer not to talk about it". So, the pattern for this meeting began.

As I sat with her, the faces of the many women I've seen over the years flashed through my mind. Their stories all different but the lines on their faces, the tears down their cheeks and the shame in their eyes revealed they all had one thing in common: they regret their abortions. They are tormented by the nightmares some endure. They try to drown their memories in booze or drugs. They hate what they did. They hate who they became.

But this women was different. WHY? What caused me to feel such deep sorrow for her? We talked a while more. Well, I talked, she just hung her head, wiped her tears, and repeated "I prefer not to talk about that". After the ultrasound she learned that she did indeed have a healthy pregnancy and her baby was visible on the screen. Still in the first trimester but far enough along to see and hear the heartbeat.

"So what will you do now?", I asked. "Have an abortion", she replied. Eye contact was not made. I waited as she cried. When asked if she has sought God and prayed to Him for answers she said, "no, why would you talk to God when you are planning to do something evil."

I was able to learn that she is miserable in her life and her relationship. She sees no future for herself or her children. She has no hope. She shared with me that she doesn't deserve to be happy. EVER! What is one more abortion? Nothing I said brought her any comfort.

She looked so weak. I assured her that God loves her but she could not comprehend that statement. She knows Him. But she is convinced that, because of her choices, God is done with her. There were no words I could share that would change her perspective.

I have looked hopelessness in the face before but this time it looked right back at me. "There but for the Grace of God go I" is all I could think. I hated seeing her walk out the door. I worry not for the baby in her womb, but for her. Is she do hopeless that she would consider ending her own life? I fear that is a real possibility. She never hinted or said anything to that effect but...

I tried everything I knew to do, everything I've been trained to do, I prayed harder than I normally pray. Nothing seemed to make a difference. Before she left I asked permission to give her hug. She melted into my arms and cried. How long has it been since someone offered her a hug? A hug with no strings attached, with no demands. How long? I looked her in the eyes and said, "No matter what you decide to do, you are welcome back here. We love you. Not what you do or don't do. We love YOU!"

And she is gone. As the door closed behind her, my heart began to ache and my eyes swelled with tears. Immediately I remembered the princess who woke up this morning.

Women deserve better than abortion. Abortion has not done ANYTHING to better the lives of women. This is not open for debate with me. It is fact.

Women raising children alone is higher than it has ever been. Teen pregnancies are down. REALLY? Are they down? They typically measure this by the number of teens having babies. How many took the morning after pill or had an abortion to hide their pregnancy. Is abuse against women down? NO! Do women still die from abortions? YES! Prior to abortion being legal were their 1.2 million illegal abortions happening a year? NO! Is the suicide rate among women higher now than before legalized abortion? The last study I saw says yes it is.

Okay, I'll stop. I have more, but I'll stop.

Women deserve to be cherished and nurtured and protected. Women deserve to birth the children they carry in their womb. Of the evils in the world, in my opinion, abortion is the most evil. Why? Because it is packaged so nice and neat with a BIG bow on it that says, "this is your right, it is your body, no one should interfere with your fertility." TRUTH ALERT: Abortion interferes with fertility, with babies being born, with relationships, with self-respect, etc.

There is young woman who boldly and proudly put a video of herself having an abortion out on the internet. This saddens my heart more than words can express. Nothing is private any more. Nothing is sacred. These are the moments when I look to heaven and expect Jesus' return.

No, I don't feel better now. My heart is heavy and I pray for God to work a miracle in the life of the woman who so deeply touched my soul today. She needs hope, the kind of hope that only God can give.

In fairy tales there are no abortions, only happy endings. In life, happy endings are rare unless you know the One who wrote your life story. You are His princess. No matter your past, no matter your present. He loves you more than death itself. When you know Christ, your story ends on earth and begins in eternity with Him. So you see, by nature of the word "eternity", we don't have to worry about a happy ending. Life doesn't end, it only begins.

Indiana Jones the Lizard!

If you know me, you know I detest bugs. I have found that that the farther south I move, the more bugs there are, and they are BIGGER. Yet, for some reason lizards don't bother me. Possibly because they eat bugs. Or it might be because I think they are cute. I like them a lot when they are outside. Which is a good thing because there are a lot of them in Florida.

However, once in while they get in the house. I have this butterfly net I use to catch them and release them back outside when that happens. For some reason they really like our back door. They somehow get in the door jam area while the door is closed. Then when you open it, BAM, they are in the house before you can do a thing about it. For a while they were on the top of the door jam and if you weren't careful they would fall and land on you as you opened the door. Like them or not, when that happens there is a loud girly scream. And it isn't always me (don't tell Gary I shared that).  :)

One day a lizard got in the house when we opened the back door. Right below the door is a lip like thing that is hollow from one end of the door to the other. Like a little tunnel or something. The PERFECT size for a lizard to sneak in and hide. That is exactly what this particular lizard did. Gary got something to poke in one end and hopefully drive out the lizard on the other end. Right into my waiting net. It worked!

The lizard, that was a nice light brown when it when the tunnel/cave, came out black as the ace of spades. At first we thought it was dirt but when I released it, the original color came back. I went back in the house and found Gary picking up what I thought were little sticks that somehow got stuck in the tunnel. Turns out they were lizard skeletons. Apparently our little friend wasn't the first one who tried to hide in there.

I laughed when I thought about this lizard running in the tunnel to find himself face to face with skeletons of those who had gone before him. Distant cousins perhaps. Scenes from Indiana Jones movies ran through my mind. It was really funny.

Gary has plugged up both ends of the tunnel to prevent any future lizard traumas. They still sneak in but I've been able to continue my catch and release efforts. Florida adventures...to be continued.

55+

Prior to moving to our current home, we lived in a very nice apartment complex for two years. It had a diverse population and we definitely were part of the smaller, "older" crowd. This was most noticeable when we went to the pool. When you are typically the oldest person in a group, and not in the kind of shape you once were, you actually start to think more about your age. And not in happy fun ways.

Then we moved to a 55+ community. I strongly recommend every one who can, to seriously consider moving into a 55+ community shortly after turning 55. It is sooooo fun to be the "youngster" again. To have people ask, "are you old enough to live here?"  Hee hee

I hate to be about ego, but this is really good for my ego. :)

I have had more compliments from sweet old men in the few months we've lived here, than I've had in a number years!

And I see the way the "older" women look at my hunk of a husband. You can tell they are not disappointed in the eye candy that has moved in. :)

So, consider this post to be words to the wise. If you are younger, store this idea in the recesses of your memory. If you are around 55 and want to feel young again, consider moving. If you are part of the older, more mature generation a 55+ community might be for you as well. You never know who might move in next door. :)

New home

After years living in apartments with about 1K square feet of living space and owning a home that had slightly less, we are currently in a home with about 1,800 square feet. It is so fun to have space and room again. Even now, I am at my desk, in the office/music room! I'm hoping this new space will encourage me to get back to my writing. I sit looking out the window enjoying the soft breeze. It is not a scenic view as the house next door is only about a car length away. But to some degree that is not bad. I will not be terribly distracted and yet I can see geckos playing, grass, a few plantings, sky and the tip of a palm tree peeking over the neighbors house. In other words, HEAVEN. :)

The first thing I noticed, living in a bigger house again, is that I can't just reach out and touch my husband. Shortly after moving in I was in the back room and called his name. No response. I called again. No response. I found him in the kitchen oblivious to the fact that I had been calling him. Yes, with more space I need to learn to use my "outside" voice again.  Lucky Gary. :)

I feel so blessed. We've been in this home almost 3 months and every day I thank the Lord for this answer to prayer. We have a 2 car garage, a patio, and a "Florida room", which I am not sure is called that in Florida. Ha ha!

My parents are less than 2 hours from here and we get to see each other often. I've seen my siblings more as result of this move as well since they come and visit the folks on a regular basis. Just an added perk I did not expect with the move to Florida.

All our kids and grandkids were here in January. AND we actually had room for everyone!

I work with and serve along side some of the best women I've ever had the joy of knowing. They inspire and encourage me on a regular basis.

Yes, life is good. Perfect? No. But good. We have settled on a church home but I don't think they know that yet. But they will. Gary is not playing music yet. But he will. I have not golfed on the course in this 55+ community we live in. Not yet. But I will.

Here is the biggest thing. The apartments were a place to live. The last house we had was a house. This sweet place has become "HOME". And every time I walk through the door my stress level goes down and I just give a big sigh, "Ahhhhh". Home. A place to rest and love, a place to make sweet memories, a place to live, laugh, and learn.

Shortly after moving in I was reading a Bible I bought for my oldest Grandson. I'm reading every page and writing thoughts and notes that hopefully some day will mean a great deal to him. I hope I get it done before Christmas so I can give it to him then, or for his 6th birthday. Once done, I'll buy another and do the same for my second Grandson, and then the third, and then...

Anyway, back to when I was reading this Bible. I was in Genesis reading about Jacob (wow) and got to Genesis 32:1-2. Jacob went on his way and the angels of God met him. And when Jacob saw them he said "This is God's camp!" As I read those words I wept. That is what this home feels like to me. God's camp. An answer to prayer. AMEN!

It's been a long time

One year and two months since my last post. Anyone miss me? I missed blogging. I hope to get back to it. We have moved into a house! YAHOO! I now have a room we set up as my office. Just need a comfortable chair to sit at my desk. The one I am using now is too low and my back is killing me.

I find that the newer technologies (smart phone, android tablet) have made me lazy with my writing. I type so much faster and better than using the touch screen. I just can't be creative on them. Yet, living in the apartment, I did not have space to create a place for my laptop that would make it easy for me to sit and type. Oh, I certainly could have figured something out but that would have required some thought and planning. It was much easier to just sit on the couch, turn on TV and use my android to check facebook, emails, etc.

Well, perhaps this year will be different. Time will tell. :)

So for now, I have a room for my office. I share it with my husband who uses it as his music room. We have not been in it at the same yet so we'll see what happens when our two worlds collide. My guess it won't be a problem. Might even be fun. Me being creative with my writing and my husband being creative with his music. Looking forward to it.

I do wonder if anyone ever sees my blogs. I know the ones I post to facebook are read. This won't be one of those. I guess I write mostly for myself so it really doesn't matter. Ta Ta for NOW!