My husband often says I have a God-given GPS in my brain. It's true. I rarely get lost. My sense of direction is remarkable. I'm not bragging, that is just a fact. It isn't flawless but it is remarkable.
When I move to a new area I typically get in the car and just start driving around. My goal is to see if I can get so lost that I have to get out a map to see how to get back home. I've never had to map my way home.
All that said, I have found Florida to be one of the most challenging places to not get lost. The roads are bipolar and few, if any, go north/south or east/west. They wind and curve and just do whatever. Plus, they don't name roads, just give them numbers 484, 369, etc., which can at times be confusing. And some don't have names as all and aren't paved. So, I have a Florida rule, STAY ON PAVED ROADS ONLY.
This has been a good rule for me and it applies whether I'm walking, bike riding, or driving a vehicle.
I live in a gated community with lots of roads. Many find it confusing and won't live here because they fear getting lost. At first that was a concern for me too. Well, I was more concerned my husband would get lost than me. When I started bike riding in my community I found it less confusing but discovered it has more cul de sacs than through roads. Eventually, I found a route to do that kept me from dead-ends and endless circle-only, go nowhere, roads.
But, after doing the same route hundreds of times I tend to get bored. Once in a while, I noticed a golf cart that turns down a dead-end road and disappears into the woods. I went to take a peak and saw that there was a golf cart trail into the woods that must go somewhere. I was so curious but the trail is not paved and to discover where it goes would mean breaking my rule about paved roads only. So, I turned around and went back on my normal route. I promised myself that some day when I had a golf cart I would go exploring that mysterious road and see where it goes.
However, today I felt a bit adventurous. Again bored of seeing the same old thing I turned down that road just to take another peak at the unpaved golf cart road. I stopped and looked down into the wooded area as far as I could from my safe paved road. Then it happened. I decided to give it a shot.
At first it was fun. In the adrenaline rush I didn't even notice how hard I had to peddle on the sand. Plus it was a slight downhill which kept my momentum going. The further I got the harder I had to peddle. How far does this go? Where does it come out? Now all I can see is trees and sand. No houses, no civilization.
I came to fork in the road and went left. Another fork so I went right. Always trying to memorize what I did so I could get back if this ended up being a mistake. Too late! I was committed. I looked around and began to worry about what might live in these woods. Florida is very different from the northern woods I'm used to. Fire ants, crazy poisonous looking spiders and snakes, alligators. I started to worry about going through spider webs as it didn't look like there was much traffic on this road.
The bike started going slower and slower. At this point I'm standing up peddling, trying to use shear will to keep the bike moving. The sandy road had gotten much softer and my bike tires were sinking deeper in to it. But I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to walk and have something crawl on me. When the bike came to a complete stop because the tires were so buried I just stood there on those pedals wondering what I would do next.
The only solution was to get off the bike, pull it out of the sand and walk until I found sand that was a bit more solid.
Another fork in the road. Then another. Still no evidence of civilization. I start thinking about the Israelites and how they wandered in the desert for 40 years. "Please God, help me get out of here quicker than that!"
Still trusting my internal GPS I hoped I would eventually end up back at the place where I entered this unpaved road. Finally the sand was a little more solid so I got back on the bike. I peddled as hard as I could and fought through the burning in my thighs as I didn't want to walk again.
Another fork in the road. Left or right? At this point I'm just picking the direction that looks like the sand will not be too soft to ride the bike on. I thought about using my google maps on the phone as I was starting to doubt I'd find my way out. But 2 things prevented me from doing that. One is that I would have to stop the bike again to do it and that wasn't an option I was willing to do. The other is that I was worried I was in an area where there wasn't any signal. If that happened, I wasn't sure panic wouldn't set in. So I just kept peddling
Then, I saw what looked like a building up ahead! WAIT, it was a building! And, it was the building I went past when I first went down this stupid road. YEAH! I'm out! I'm on my lovely paved road with the same old lovely wonderful scenery I always see on my bike ride. And, despite the fact that I had to go up hill, it seemed so easy now that I was on a paved road again. YEAH!
Still had 5 miles to get back home. And, all I wanted at this point was a shower as I was pretty covered with sand. Back home now, all cleaned up, I am thankful for my little adventure. But I won't be doing it again. My "paved roads only rule" is back in place!
WELCOME!
T - i - double G - grrrr
August 11, 2018
Love Letters
I love to journal. Perhaps you are old enough to remember when it was called "keeping a diary". I still remember my diary with its little lock. I have no idea whatever happened to it. That place as a preteen and then teen that I wrote down my deepest thoughts. It was always a fear that someone would look in it and perhaps see into my mind and heart where I didn't want others to go.
Married, I had moved away from the diary and into journaling. I still hoped no one would invade my privacy, like this new husband. I'm pleased to share that even after 40 years of marriage my husband has respected my privacy. Last year, 2017, I decided to dedicate my daily journaling to him. I wrote in it the entire year knowing that on New Years Day 2018 I would give it to him as a gift to read. I must admit it scared me a little as I had determined to be transparent and not change the way I journal just because I knew he would be reading it a year later. I imagined him reading each day and getting to know me a little better (the good and the bad) with each entry.
He was THRILLED when I presented it. I kept it a secret the entire year so he had no idea what I had planned to do. Each day he read an entry. Even the prayers I wrote when I asked God to give him the desires of his heart. And, the times I wrote how mad he made me for whatever. I was nervous as I couldn't remember exactly what I might have written a year prior. How would he take it? Would he be hurt? Some days I was afraid to ask what I wrote about.
Each day I came home I would look to see where the journal was laying. I knew by the movement of it that he had read it that day. It was like my heart was laying on those pages, waiting to be picked up and read. Then, I noticed that the journal stopped moving from place to place. It was like it wasn't being picked up at all. Today, August 11, I took a peak and saw that it was still open to May 15, 2017.
He hasn't read it for THREE MONTHS! My heart is broken. So much love poured out over 365 days only to see it gathering dust on the shelf.
Head hung low I went for a bike ride. My sadness turned to anger. I prayed to God and asked why He motivated me to do this crazy thing. To take a risk with my heart that feels like it is just being discarded. It was in that moment of self pity that an image came to my mind.
I saw it like it was right in front of me.
On a shelf, not to far from that neglected journal was my Bible. Just sitting there gathering dust. It was the "grandma Bible" I purchased in 2013. I had decided I would read through it and write notes or thoughts for my grandson Linus. I figured it would take a about a year if I really made it a priority. Then, I would do the same for each grandchild God blessed us with after Linus.
Guess when the last time was that I picked that book up? Three months ago? Not even close. It was January 21, 2018. SEVEN MONTHS AGO! And, in 5 years I am only in 2 Kings. The Bible is God's "love letter" to me. He inspired each word that is recorded and the writing of it spans about 2,000 years. From cover to cover it is an amazing writing that starts with "In the beginning" and ends with "The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen".
In between, there is story after story of redemption, leading up to the ultimate sacrifice of God's own Son. God's very heart exposed in the pages. He wants nothing more than for me to spend time reading it and learning from it. Yet, where is it? On the shelf gathering dust.
My pity party is now over. My 365 days of writing and Gary's 3 months of not getting around to reading it can't hold a candle to God's Word and how long He waits for me to pick it up.
Time to go. I have something I need to do.
Married, I had moved away from the diary and into journaling. I still hoped no one would invade my privacy, like this new husband. I'm pleased to share that even after 40 years of marriage my husband has respected my privacy. Last year, 2017, I decided to dedicate my daily journaling to him. I wrote in it the entire year knowing that on New Years Day 2018 I would give it to him as a gift to read. I must admit it scared me a little as I had determined to be transparent and not change the way I journal just because I knew he would be reading it a year later. I imagined him reading each day and getting to know me a little better (the good and the bad) with each entry.
He was THRILLED when I presented it. I kept it a secret the entire year so he had no idea what I had planned to do. Each day he read an entry. Even the prayers I wrote when I asked God to give him the desires of his heart. And, the times I wrote how mad he made me for whatever. I was nervous as I couldn't remember exactly what I might have written a year prior. How would he take it? Would he be hurt? Some days I was afraid to ask what I wrote about.
Each day I came home I would look to see where the journal was laying. I knew by the movement of it that he had read it that day. It was like my heart was laying on those pages, waiting to be picked up and read. Then, I noticed that the journal stopped moving from place to place. It was like it wasn't being picked up at all. Today, August 11, I took a peak and saw that it was still open to May 15, 2017.
He hasn't read it for THREE MONTHS! My heart is broken. So much love poured out over 365 days only to see it gathering dust on the shelf.
Head hung low I went for a bike ride. My sadness turned to anger. I prayed to God and asked why He motivated me to do this crazy thing. To take a risk with my heart that feels like it is just being discarded. It was in that moment of self pity that an image came to my mind.
I saw it like it was right in front of me.
On a shelf, not to far from that neglected journal was my Bible. Just sitting there gathering dust. It was the "grandma Bible" I purchased in 2013. I had decided I would read through it and write notes or thoughts for my grandson Linus. I figured it would take a about a year if I really made it a priority. Then, I would do the same for each grandchild God blessed us with after Linus.
Guess when the last time was that I picked that book up? Three months ago? Not even close. It was January 21, 2018. SEVEN MONTHS AGO! And, in 5 years I am only in 2 Kings. The Bible is God's "love letter" to me. He inspired each word that is recorded and the writing of it spans about 2,000 years. From cover to cover it is an amazing writing that starts with "In the beginning" and ends with "The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen".
In between, there is story after story of redemption, leading up to the ultimate sacrifice of God's own Son. God's very heart exposed in the pages. He wants nothing more than for me to spend time reading it and learning from it. Yet, where is it? On the shelf gathering dust.
My pity party is now over. My 365 days of writing and Gary's 3 months of not getting around to reading it can't hold a candle to God's Word and how long He waits for me to pick it up.
Time to go. I have something I need to do.
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