Remember the WWJD craze? You know, those initials were on everything (t-shirts, bracelets, rings, bumper stickers). WWJD - What Would Jesus Do?
I don't see it much anymore. People wore them to remind themselves to react as they expect Jesus would react if in their shoes. I must admit I didn't really get it. First of all, I certainly don't presume to know the mind of God or to know how He would react to situations. God has much more insight and knowledge than I could ever have. Yet, I bought one of those bracelets.
I wore it on a trip with high schoolers to Washington DC. I was a chaperon. I had never done anything like that and knew it was probably out of my comfort zone, and if I am to be honest, it might not be so much fun for those students either. So I thought that having the reminder around my wrist that I was a Christian would be important. I imagined myself getting angry at some teenager for breaking rules or something. It is a long story that this post is not about so details will be skipped. The bottom line was that the bracelet became a lifeline for me as I went 36+ hours with no sleep and dealing with an intense situation in a hospital while one of the teens faced emergency surgery.
Sadly though, I did lose it at one point. It was not a teen or anyone involved with the trip. Just a person who had the wrong attitude with me when I had not one ounce of patience left. I learned the line between sanity and insanity is very thin and one I hope to never cross again. I found myself in a public bathroom, on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. For someone who is a control freak, trust me when I say this was not a good thing. I had just splashed my face with cold water, looked in the mirror and saw my reflection looking ragged and frightened. I leaned against the wall and just sank to the floor where I sat and cried. My hands over my face, I opened my eyes and saw that bracelet on my wrist. I cried some more. WWJD?
WWJD?!? I'll tell you what He wouldn't do! He wouldn't scream at some stranger on the phone like a raving lunatic. That is what He wouldn't do!
But as those and other thoughts entered my insanity I felt a calmness starting to reclaim my heart. I prayed there, on the floor of that bathroom, for a very long time. I pulled myself together and went back to the surgical waiting room to wait for news on the teen I had brought to the hospital hours before.
She remained there and eventually family came to meet her and take her home. I returned to the role of chaperon and clung to that bracelet for the next three days. Believe, me I needed it, there were other "situations" that happened on that trip. It was my lifeline to God and reminded me that I belong to Him. When I returned home I wrapped the bracelet and sent it to the high school girl I had spent so many hours with in the emergency room. The note included why I wanted her to have it. We met at a store a few years later, by chance, and hugged as if we had never stopped knowing each other. I've not seen her again but I often think of her and pray for her.
That was a lifetime ago for me. Much has changed. I've grown in my faith and my knowledge of the Lord. I've still got a long way to go but today I was reminded that I belong to Him. A simple unexpected phone call and I am in awe of the God who spoke our universe into existence.
The content of the call is not what matters. What matters is how God used a sad event (the death of a loved one) in this person's life to connect us. Strangers when I answered phone, we concluded the call - sisters in Christ. Her broken heart bared early in our talk put her on cliff that I had the power to push her off of. Yet, I knew that is not what she needed. She needed to feel safe. So I listened, for a very long time, as she poured out years of difficulties and hurts. The longer we talked the more we found we have much in common. I asked her if I could pray with her before we hung up and she sobbed "YES" in a way that let me know no one, not even those close to her, had offered to pray with her over these things that trouble her sleep. It was a God moment. God used the death of someone in her family to result in a phone call where we were able to meet. The reason for her call was insignificant and was easy to take care of. Yet, God wanted more for her. She longs for a church home and after talking God brought just the right one to my mind. I pray she visits. She desires friendship, God gave her soulship. But He wasn't done there. See, I have my own need, a small insignificant need that is really more of a nuisance than a need. After listening to her share what she does I realized she might be able to take care of my need. So I shared what I needed and she was ecstatic about helping me. As a result, we will talk again and probably even meet in person.
I have moved beyond asking, "what would Jesus do" and moved in to watching to see what God is doing! How about you? What has God done in your life today? Nothing? If that is true I can assure that you are wrong. He is active in our lives. However, if we aren't watching for Him, we will miss it. Before you fall to sleep tonight, ask yourself:
"What did God do today?"
You might be surprised by the answer.
WELCOME!
T - i - double G - grrrr
December 28, 2009
December 1, 2009
The man in the Australian Outback Hat
I remember a popular book titled "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". Well, I'm hoping to meet more than that one day but for now I'll settle for the interesting people I've met in the hot tub while visiting my parents in the retirement community in Florida.
Really, you meet the most interesting people. From the young man in his 50's visiting his mom who considers himself an "easy going liberal" (which I didn't know existed and really am not sure I even know what that meant), to a woman from Sheboygan Wisconsin who shared memories of her younger days in the state my husband and I grew up in.
Then there are the people who are about 20-30 years older than us who talk about what it will be like when they get old. Hee hee. That one makes me laugh every time and I have to work very hard to not laugh out loud.
But for me the most memorable will be the man in the Outback hat. Born in 1928 this man was fascinating to listen to. I could have spent long hours hearing his stories. It wasn't just the story itself, but the delivery of it and the way his eyes danced as he shared childhood memories.
He remembers what it was like growing up during WWII. He shared how he remembers things like car tires were hard to get. However, his father was a doctor and so he was able to replace car tires when he needed to. Then he shared about the first car he bought. A young man in high school, he purchased a 1929 Model T with a friend of his. That was the only way he could afford it. They split the cost, $15 each! They saved a long time for it. They bought it from a farmer and walked out to the field where it was parked so they could take their new treasure home.
He said they couldn't get tires because of the war. At least not real tires. They got old tires made of poor material and worn out. They called them "50 mile tires" because that is about as far as they could get before one of them would blow. He remembers one time when his friend had the car and was bringing it back to his house because it was his turn to have it. He heard a car coming and then BOOM, followed shortly by another BOOM. Two tires blown out just like that. His eyes lit up as he shared the joy that noise was for him because he knew that meant the car coming down the road was his.
Then he and his friend painted their highschool girlfriends' names on the back windows of the car. The same back windows that he said came with shades when they bought the car, shades like house window shades with tassles on them and I think I saw him blush when he shared this story. He said both girls were quite angry and insulted when they saw their names painted on the back seat windows of the car. While they were doing the painting these two young men in their teens really didn't intend it to have the meaning their girls took from it but I could swear I saw a sly little smile come across his face when he shared this part.
He was so interesting and I wanted to hear more but his time in the hot tub was over. He got up and announced, "this lobster is boiled" and proceeded to leave the hot tub and went right into the pool that was about 20 degrees cooler. It was then that I understood the strength his old body still had. There was NO way I was going to go from that comfortable hot tub to the pool. The shock to my system I'm sure would cause some kind of medical condition that couldn't be good for me. Yet there he was, swimming as if it was as warm as bath water. Strong or a little nuts? I may never know.
Really, you meet the most interesting people. From the young man in his 50's visiting his mom who considers himself an "easy going liberal" (which I didn't know existed and really am not sure I even know what that meant), to a woman from Sheboygan Wisconsin who shared memories of her younger days in the state my husband and I grew up in.
Then there are the people who are about 20-30 years older than us who talk about what it will be like when they get old. Hee hee. That one makes me laugh every time and I have to work very hard to not laugh out loud.
But for me the most memorable will be the man in the Outback hat. Born in 1928 this man was fascinating to listen to. I could have spent long hours hearing his stories. It wasn't just the story itself, but the delivery of it and the way his eyes danced as he shared childhood memories.
He remembers what it was like growing up during WWII. He shared how he remembers things like car tires were hard to get. However, his father was a doctor and so he was able to replace car tires when he needed to. Then he shared about the first car he bought. A young man in high school, he purchased a 1929 Model T with a friend of his. That was the only way he could afford it. They split the cost, $15 each! They saved a long time for it. They bought it from a farmer and walked out to the field where it was parked so they could take their new treasure home.
He said they couldn't get tires because of the war. At least not real tires. They got old tires made of poor material and worn out. They called them "50 mile tires" because that is about as far as they could get before one of them would blow. He remembers one time when his friend had the car and was bringing it back to his house because it was his turn to have it. He heard a car coming and then BOOM, followed shortly by another BOOM. Two tires blown out just like that. His eyes lit up as he shared the joy that noise was for him because he knew that meant the car coming down the road was his.
Then he and his friend painted their highschool girlfriends' names on the back windows of the car. The same back windows that he said came with shades when they bought the car, shades like house window shades with tassles on them and I think I saw him blush when he shared this story. He said both girls were quite angry and insulted when they saw their names painted on the back seat windows of the car. While they were doing the painting these two young men in their teens really didn't intend it to have the meaning their girls took from it but I could swear I saw a sly little smile come across his face when he shared this part.
He was so interesting and I wanted to hear more but his time in the hot tub was over. He got up and announced, "this lobster is boiled" and proceeded to leave the hot tub and went right into the pool that was about 20 degrees cooler. It was then that I understood the strength his old body still had. There was NO way I was going to go from that comfortable hot tub to the pool. The shock to my system I'm sure would cause some kind of medical condition that couldn't be good for me. Yet there he was, swimming as if it was as warm as bath water. Strong or a little nuts? I may never know.
October 22, 2009
Putting God First - Appreciation
As I was preparing my heart before going to the radio station last night, I opened my Bible to look for my favorite passage I like to read before giving my testimony or public speaking. This was an AM radio talk show and I've never done anything like that before so I wasn't sure what to expect. Before I found the passage I was interested in, I came across this other passage. It was highlighted in my old worn Bible with pages that are barely bond in with the others anymore. The leather cover on this Bible is frayed on all sides from use. It is like an old friend, comfortable and full of memories. I don't use it as much as I once had because it is so fragile now. But every once in a while I like to pick it up and read from it because I know that I have many things highlighted in it and many notes written in the margins. Next to this particular passage I had scribbled “WOW! How beautiful this is!!!!”
2 Corinthians 3:2-3
The only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.
Did that move you in any way? If not then I suggest saying a quick prayer and reading it one more time. This time slowly soaking in each sentence as if it was written to you from someone who taught you about Christ.
You are a living letter that God is using for others to read about who He is and about how much He loves them. Wow!
October is Pastor appreciation month. I have had the privilege of being taught by some of the finest Pastors over the years. Even now, I feel blessed to be in a church with Pastors who take their calling seriously and invest their time in my life and the lives of others. They are doing a "good work".
There are others in my life who have done a "good work" as well. These women love the Lord and it shows. That love pours out of them and flows on to everyone they have contact with. I remember a woman who invested time in meeting with me and teaching me from God's word things I somehow missed as a child. I remember another woman who mentored me as I began to search for what God wanted me to do with my life. Then there is this one dear woman, a "Timothy" to me as she is younger than I am, yet much wiser than almost anyone else I know. I remember my mom one time when we were going through a family crisis sitting us all down and saying something like, "You kids need to understand what my priorities are. First it is to God, then to your father, then to you kids." I did not understand this then, but now I understand in full.
As I type these memories my mind is flooded with so many more. God has been good to me. Surrounding me with men and women who have helped me grow in my wisdom of the Lord. Using them to carve His love story on the tablet of my heart.
So I close this post and dedicate it with GREAT appreciation to all the "pastors" in my life! May God bless them above and beyond how they have blessed me.
AMEN
2 Corinthians 3:2-3
The only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.
Did that move you in any way? If not then I suggest saying a quick prayer and reading it one more time. This time slowly soaking in each sentence as if it was written to you from someone who taught you about Christ.
You are a living letter that God is using for others to read about who He is and about how much He loves them. Wow!
October is Pastor appreciation month. I have had the privilege of being taught by some of the finest Pastors over the years. Even now, I feel blessed to be in a church with Pastors who take their calling seriously and invest their time in my life and the lives of others. They are doing a "good work".
There are others in my life who have done a "good work" as well. These women love the Lord and it shows. That love pours out of them and flows on to everyone they have contact with. I remember a woman who invested time in meeting with me and teaching me from God's word things I somehow missed as a child. I remember another woman who mentored me as I began to search for what God wanted me to do with my life. Then there is this one dear woman, a "Timothy" to me as she is younger than I am, yet much wiser than almost anyone else I know. I remember my mom one time when we were going through a family crisis sitting us all down and saying something like, "You kids need to understand what my priorities are. First it is to God, then to your father, then to you kids." I did not understand this then, but now I understand in full.
As I type these memories my mind is flooded with so many more. God has been good to me. Surrounding me with men and women who have helped me grow in my wisdom of the Lord. Using them to carve His love story on the tablet of my heart.
So I close this post and dedicate it with GREAT appreciation to all the "pastors" in my life! May God bless them above and beyond how they have blessed me.
AMEN
October 8, 2009
Putting God First - Conviction
Have you ever heard or read God’s word and something just pings in your heart in a way that you know God is trying to convict you of something? That happened to me this morning. I was listening to the radio and the preacher was teaching from 1 Thessalonians 3:12:
And may the Master pour on the love so it fills your lives and splashes over on everyone around you, just as it does from us to you.
On the surface this is a verse I’ve heard many times and one that usually doesn’t trip me up. As I'm driving I'm praying for the day and for things on my heart. I'm asking God to step in and change our city so those hurting will find places that give hope and life. At this point I'm probably feeling pretty good about myself because I’m starting my day in this fashion when the radio preacher says something like…
“Isn’t it easy to let God’s love flow out of you with people you like? BUT what about people you don’t like. How are you loving them?”
He didn’t say anything about ever liking them, just loving them. Loving them? I must confess that there are people in this world that I don't like. And so loving them certainly is not something that ever crossed my mind. Just the thought is challenging and to add to that an action like “how are you showing them love” is almost incomprehensible for me.
Yet, Christ died on the cross for them too. He loved them so much that he endured the pain and the shame of their sins along with my own. That is HOW He showed His love. Am I willing to follow Christ’s example? Oh, I don’t think that God is asking me to endure death on a cross but I do believe that He wants me to allow myself to show love to those I don’t like. To let my pride and my ego die. So I’m left, and challenged with, “how” do I show that love? Here are some initial thoughts:
1. To not wish harm on them.
2. To not harbor nasty thoughts about them or allow my mouth to speak poorly about them.
3. To pray sincerely and humbly for them.
4. Possibly to go out of my way to do something nice for them.
Could God call me to do more than that? Yes. Will I be ready when He does? With Christ’s love filled in me I believe it is possible.
Father God, once again I am amazed at your unlimited love. You have touched my heart in a place I did not know needed to be corrected. Help me to love those I don’t like in real ways that require action not just thought. Fill me with your love to the place where it overflows and splashes out onto every person I meet. God you know who needs to be loved today and you do that through your people. May you use me to love someone today. AMEN
And may the Master pour on the love so it fills your lives and splashes over on everyone around you, just as it does from us to you.
On the surface this is a verse I’ve heard many times and one that usually doesn’t trip me up. As I'm driving I'm praying for the day and for things on my heart. I'm asking God to step in and change our city so those hurting will find places that give hope and life. At this point I'm probably feeling pretty good about myself because I’m starting my day in this fashion when the radio preacher says something like…
“Isn’t it easy to let God’s love flow out of you with people you like? BUT what about people you don’t like. How are you loving them?”
He didn’t say anything about ever liking them, just loving them. Loving them? I must confess that there are people in this world that I don't like. And so loving them certainly is not something that ever crossed my mind. Just the thought is challenging and to add to that an action like “how are you showing them love” is almost incomprehensible for me.
Yet, Christ died on the cross for them too. He loved them so much that he endured the pain and the shame of their sins along with my own. That is HOW He showed His love. Am I willing to follow Christ’s example? Oh, I don’t think that God is asking me to endure death on a cross but I do believe that He wants me to allow myself to show love to those I don’t like. To let my pride and my ego die. So I’m left, and challenged with, “how” do I show that love? Here are some initial thoughts:
1. To not wish harm on them.
2. To not harbor nasty thoughts about them or allow my mouth to speak poorly about them.
3. To pray sincerely and humbly for them.
4. Possibly to go out of my way to do something nice for them.
Could God call me to do more than that? Yes. Will I be ready when He does? With Christ’s love filled in me I believe it is possible.
Father God, once again I am amazed at your unlimited love. You have touched my heart in a place I did not know needed to be corrected. Help me to love those I don’t like in real ways that require action not just thought. Fill me with your love to the place where it overflows and splashes out onto every person I meet. God you know who needs to be loved today and you do that through your people. May you use me to love someone today. AMEN
September 30, 2009
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
Recently I was asked to speak to the 5th grade class at my church about why and how I got into fulltime ministry. Naturally, being in a pregnancy center the discussion would at some point need to discuss babies and life in the womb. I was a bit nervous as I do better with teens and adults on this topic. Yet here I was, in a room with 5th graders.
Their Bible verse was Gen. 1:27 which was perfect for me to launch from. We started by discussing God as author and creater of all life and how humans (male and female) are the only life that God created in His image.
We discussed how special that is and that no matter how big or small we are that doesn't change that fact. I asked them if they could think of any times in the Bible when they remember it talking about someone while they were still in their mother's womb and not even born yet. They were awesome! Of course Jesus came up first but then others also were shared (even Jacob and Esau). I kept waiting for someone to say John the Baptist and eventually someone did. So I was able to talk about when Mary was pregnant with Jesus and went to visit her cousin Martha who was pregnant with John the Baptist.
I'm on a roll at this point because I was so excited that they were able to provide the answers I was hoping for. But this one little girl just kept her hand up and was going "ooo, ooo, ooo". I had hoped if I kept talking she would stop but she didn't so I said "yes?" She said "Don't you mean Elizabeth, NOT Martha." To which I laughed and said, "Yes, I absolutely mean Elizabeth. Thank you for helping me."
Guess I better not apply to be on the show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"
Their Bible verse was Gen. 1:27 which was perfect for me to launch from. We started by discussing God as author and creater of all life and how humans (male and female) are the only life that God created in His image.
We discussed how special that is and that no matter how big or small we are that doesn't change that fact. I asked them if they could think of any times in the Bible when they remember it talking about someone while they were still in their mother's womb and not even born yet. They were awesome! Of course Jesus came up first but then others also were shared (even Jacob and Esau). I kept waiting for someone to say John the Baptist and eventually someone did. So I was able to talk about when Mary was pregnant with Jesus and went to visit her cousin Martha who was pregnant with John the Baptist.
I'm on a roll at this point because I was so excited that they were able to provide the answers I was hoping for. But this one little girl just kept her hand up and was going "ooo, ooo, ooo". I had hoped if I kept talking she would stop but she didn't so I said "yes?" She said "Don't you mean Elizabeth, NOT Martha." To which I laughed and said, "Yes, I absolutely mean Elizabeth. Thank you for helping me."
Guess I better not apply to be on the show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"
September 9, 2009
Putting God First - Freedom
I’ve been thinking about freedom lately, and it isn’t even July 4th. "Freedom" is an interesting word. It means many things to many people. In America I think we take freedom for granted. Too many generations have passed since this country fought for the right to be free. But freedom has a price doesn't it.
Too much freedom leaves society to do whatever it wants to. One person can infringe on another person's freedom by exercising their own. Freedom must have something to go with it or it would just become chaos. So freedom has rules, or laws if you want to look at it legally. If you want to be "politically correct" we'll just call them heavily suggested guidelines.
Why are they necessary? The answer is simple. To protect us. Protect us from what? I would have to say to protect us from ourselves.
Man did not just create this concept. God knew it first. God offers us freedom, real freedom. But there are some who wouldn't see it that way. They would see it as restrictions. Because God's freedom also has something that goes with it. To protect us. To keep us safe. God is not a cosmic kill-joy. God wants us to have abundant joy. A lasting, not a fleeting joy.
There is saying that is derived from the Bible (yet many don't know that), it goes: "I once was lost but now am found. Was blind but now I see." I did not understand this until I understood God. In fact, I did not even know I was blind until I gained my sight.
For the musically knowledgeable they will recognize that those words are also found in the song "Amazing Grace". Why is it that when we are in that lost state we don't see it that way? We think we are free and don't even know that we are captives in our own prison. We are all slaves to something. For some (I relate to this one) that lost state is not recognized because of pride. Those are hard walls to let God break down.
I have so many more thoughts on this topic of freedom that I feel a sermon coming on. Since God has not called me to be a preacher I think I will stop now and close with God's words, not mine:
John 8:36
If the Son gives you freedom, you are free!
(This kind of freedom is one that can never be taken away.)
Romans 6:14
Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.
("Grace, grace, God's grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin.")
1 Corinthians 7:35
What I am saying is for your own good--it isn't to limit your freedom. I want to help you to live right and to love the Lord above all else.
(Oh, I get it. "MY" freedom. That is what I hold on to. I have to let my freedom go in order to accept God's freedom. There can only be one Master in my life, I can't serve myself and my God.)
1 Timothy 2:6
He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time.
AMEN
Too much freedom leaves society to do whatever it wants to. One person can infringe on another person's freedom by exercising their own. Freedom must have something to go with it or it would just become chaos. So freedom has rules, or laws if you want to look at it legally. If you want to be "politically correct" we'll just call them heavily suggested guidelines.
Why are they necessary? The answer is simple. To protect us. Protect us from what? I would have to say to protect us from ourselves.
Man did not just create this concept. God knew it first. God offers us freedom, real freedom. But there are some who wouldn't see it that way. They would see it as restrictions. Because God's freedom also has something that goes with it. To protect us. To keep us safe. God is not a cosmic kill-joy. God wants us to have abundant joy. A lasting, not a fleeting joy.
There is saying that is derived from the Bible (yet many don't know that), it goes: "I once was lost but now am found. Was blind but now I see." I did not understand this until I understood God. In fact, I did not even know I was blind until I gained my sight.
For the musically knowledgeable they will recognize that those words are also found in the song "Amazing Grace". Why is it that when we are in that lost state we don't see it that way? We think we are free and don't even know that we are captives in our own prison. We are all slaves to something. For some (I relate to this one) that lost state is not recognized because of pride. Those are hard walls to let God break down.
I have so many more thoughts on this topic of freedom that I feel a sermon coming on. Since God has not called me to be a preacher I think I will stop now and close with God's words, not mine:
John 8:36
If the Son gives you freedom, you are free!
(This kind of freedom is one that can never be taken away.)
Romans 6:14
Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.
("Grace, grace, God's grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin.")
1 Corinthians 7:35
What I am saying is for your own good--it isn't to limit your freedom. I want to help you to live right and to love the Lord above all else.
(Oh, I get it. "MY" freedom. That is what I hold on to. I have to let my freedom go in order to accept God's freedom. There can only be one Master in my life, I can't serve myself and my God.)
1 Timothy 2:6
He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time.
AMEN
September 3, 2009
Today
My Lord, My God, my heart is weary
Yesterday gone, today is dreary
Miracle requested seems ignored
I trust You will do something more.
Yesterday now is just the past
Memories linger, memories last
Can't be changed or undone
Must go forward, must move on
The focus now is on today
Help me Lord is what I pray
Be my shelter and my guide
Hold me closer to Your side.
AMEN
Yesterday gone, today is dreary
Miracle requested seems ignored
I trust You will do something more.
Yesterday now is just the past
Memories linger, memories last
Can't be changed or undone
Must go forward, must move on
The focus now is on today
Help me Lord is what I pray
Be my shelter and my guide
Hold me closer to Your side.
AMEN
September 1, 2009
Tomorrow
My grief runs deep this evening as I wait for tomorrow A young woman confused and desperate knows tomorrow the "appointment" will come. She's been beaten down by threats and fear. Some self inflicted but most imposed by others. She doesn't "want" to have an abortion, she doesn't "want" to be pregnant. She just wants her life back. Sadly that won't ever happen.
Her mother can't sleep. She's been beaten down too. Mom is spent and has nothing left. Unable to be strong for her daughter she gives in to the pressure too. Mom can't sleep, she will drive daughter to the abortion clinic she knows too well. What pain must she feel as she drives down the street where her children died while still in her womb. Mom's wounds are old and mom's wounds are fresh. Her pain runs so deep she can't feel anything at all.
All that can be said has been said. There is nothing more anyone can do. So where do my tears come from? Who am I crying for? Is it the daughter or the mom that makes my heart break? I prayed and I've cried and I've prayed some more. Tomorrow a baby will die. No wait 3,700 babies will die tomorrow. 3,700 and 1.
Tomorrow a young woman will take a pregnancy test and cry. It was her last chance. They've tried it all. Every test, every procedure, every option. But she will learn that her hearts desire to birth a child will never come true. She will mourn her baren womb. She will look her husband in the eyes and feel she failed him. He will feel helpless to heal her wounded heart. They will try for years to adopt a baby but sadly there will be none. The babies have all been aborted.
Tomorrow an older woman will die. She will have lost her desire to live. She will have given up on fighting her grief from years ago. The shame from her abortions wins out. She can't take another night of bad dreams and haunting memories. She didn't know that suicide was a risk factor for abortion. She had never read the statistics that more post-abortive women commit suicide than any other woman group. She didn't know that she would never get her life back as she had once hoped.
Who are my tears for? Who breaks my heart more?
When did children become disposable? What civilized society determined that abortion was okay? I sat as a mother explained why her daughter must have an abortion. Mom saw her grandchild just the day before during the sonogram. Yet, she does not understand. Her little boy played in the room and we discussed how someday he will be a man. All this little boy needs is time to grow. Kind of like her grandchild in the womb? That baby has everything it will need to be an adult some day. Right now it just needs time in the womb to grow.
I'm tired of the old argument about how if abortion wasn't legal women will be dieing in back allies. Really? Possibly. 3,700 a day? I doubt it. Women are dieing now from abortion. A few physically, thousands emotionally.
Our societies complete and utter acceptance of abortion on demand has turned in to an ugly monster disguised as a cute little puppy. And that puppy is hiding behind some bigger dogs who are getting richer every day. When will the mask come off? When will good men stop doing nothing so evil won't keep succeeding.
"Abortion is a reflection that society has failed women." - Patricia Heaton
Amen sister!
Her mother can't sleep. She's been beaten down too. Mom is spent and has nothing left. Unable to be strong for her daughter she gives in to the pressure too. Mom can't sleep, she will drive daughter to the abortion clinic she knows too well. What pain must she feel as she drives down the street where her children died while still in her womb. Mom's wounds are old and mom's wounds are fresh. Her pain runs so deep she can't feel anything at all.
All that can be said has been said. There is nothing more anyone can do. So where do my tears come from? Who am I crying for? Is it the daughter or the mom that makes my heart break? I prayed and I've cried and I've prayed some more. Tomorrow a baby will die. No wait 3,700 babies will die tomorrow. 3,700 and 1.
Tomorrow a young woman will take a pregnancy test and cry. It was her last chance. They've tried it all. Every test, every procedure, every option. But she will learn that her hearts desire to birth a child will never come true. She will mourn her baren womb. She will look her husband in the eyes and feel she failed him. He will feel helpless to heal her wounded heart. They will try for years to adopt a baby but sadly there will be none. The babies have all been aborted.
Tomorrow an older woman will die. She will have lost her desire to live. She will have given up on fighting her grief from years ago. The shame from her abortions wins out. She can't take another night of bad dreams and haunting memories. She didn't know that suicide was a risk factor for abortion. She had never read the statistics that more post-abortive women commit suicide than any other woman group. She didn't know that she would never get her life back as she had once hoped.
Who are my tears for? Who breaks my heart more?
When did children become disposable? What civilized society determined that abortion was okay? I sat as a mother explained why her daughter must have an abortion. Mom saw her grandchild just the day before during the sonogram. Yet, she does not understand. Her little boy played in the room and we discussed how someday he will be a man. All this little boy needs is time to grow. Kind of like her grandchild in the womb? That baby has everything it will need to be an adult some day. Right now it just needs time in the womb to grow.
I'm tired of the old argument about how if abortion wasn't legal women will be dieing in back allies. Really? Possibly. 3,700 a day? I doubt it. Women are dieing now from abortion. A few physically, thousands emotionally.
Our societies complete and utter acceptance of abortion on demand has turned in to an ugly monster disguised as a cute little puppy. And that puppy is hiding behind some bigger dogs who are getting richer every day. When will the mask come off? When will good men stop doing nothing so evil won't keep succeeding.
"Abortion is a reflection that society has failed women." - Patricia Heaton
Amen sister!
August 31, 2009
Putting God First - Courage
I read this weekend that if someone is depressed or feeling bad about themselves that giving them compliments does not really provide much help. The article suggested that if someone is feeling like this they should put themselves down.
Really, it said that their “self talk” should not be about what they are good at, instead it suggested they should pay themselves an “un-compliment”. What they meant by this is that they should think of something they are not good or bad at and reverse compliment themselves. You need examples? Okay.
Let’s say I’m in this mood where I'm suffering from ingrown eyeballs. Here are some “un-compliments” I could say to myself:
“I would be the worst waitress in the world.” (see this is true, I know it, I accept, and I don’t care, it even makes me giggle to myself)
“I’d be terrible at doing surgery.” (I bet you are all glad I know this)
Wow, I’m feeling better already. Kidding, I’m actually in a good place today. But as I practiced this I did find out that my mind was forced to think of things I don’t do and why, which caused some internal thoughts that reminded me of my strengths. So maybe there is something to the article I read. I have to admit that until typing this post I really thought it was a bunch of nonsense.
Personally, I find the best way to correct my faulty thinking is to look at God’s word. No matter what I'm facing; hardship, attacks, illness, difficulties; it doesn't seem to weigh me down as much after I take it to the Lord. He has a way of helping me put "my things" into an eternal perspective. That typically gives me the strength and courage I need to move on. And when it doesn't, well then I need a REALLY good and courageous friend to look me in the face and say something like, "just get over yourself." Fortunately, God has given me many friends like that.
Chronicles 15:7
"But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work."
Job 11:18
Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety.
Psalm 31:24
Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the LORD.
Psalm 138:3
When I asked for your help, you answered my prayer and gave me courage.
John 16:33
"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
Philippians 1:28
Be brave when you face your enemies. Your courage will show them that they are going to be destroyed, and it will show you that you will be saved. God will make all of this happen.
James 5:8
You, too, must be patient. Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near.
1 John 2:28
And now, dear children, remain in fellowship with Christ so that when he returns, you will be full of courage and not shrink back from him in shame.
My hope is in you Lord! Grant me courage no matter what I may face this week. Thank you Lord that you showed me the way and that you equip me with everything I need, WHEN I need it. Not before I need, and not after I need it. God, grant me opportunities this week to show others how much you love them. Allow me to be a source of strength for someone. I trust you God in all things. Praise the Lord oh my soul! In Jesus' name, AMEN.
Really, it said that their “self talk” should not be about what they are good at, instead it suggested they should pay themselves an “un-compliment”. What they meant by this is that they should think of something they are not good or bad at and reverse compliment themselves. You need examples? Okay.
Let’s say I’m in this mood where I'm suffering from ingrown eyeballs. Here are some “un-compliments” I could say to myself:
“I would be the worst waitress in the world.” (see this is true, I know it, I accept, and I don’t care, it even makes me giggle to myself)
“I’d be terrible at doing surgery.” (I bet you are all glad I know this)
Wow, I’m feeling better already. Kidding, I’m actually in a good place today. But as I practiced this I did find out that my mind was forced to think of things I don’t do and why, which caused some internal thoughts that reminded me of my strengths. So maybe there is something to the article I read. I have to admit that until typing this post I really thought it was a bunch of nonsense.
Personally, I find the best way to correct my faulty thinking is to look at God’s word. No matter what I'm facing; hardship, attacks, illness, difficulties; it doesn't seem to weigh me down as much after I take it to the Lord. He has a way of helping me put "my things" into an eternal perspective. That typically gives me the strength and courage I need to move on. And when it doesn't, well then I need a REALLY good and courageous friend to look me in the face and say something like, "just get over yourself." Fortunately, God has given me many friends like that.
Chronicles 15:7
"But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work."
Job 11:18
Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety.
Psalm 31:24
Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the LORD.
Psalm 138:3
When I asked for your help, you answered my prayer and gave me courage.
John 16:33
"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
Philippians 1:28
Be brave when you face your enemies. Your courage will show them that they are going to be destroyed, and it will show you that you will be saved. God will make all of this happen.
James 5:8
You, too, must be patient. Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near.
1 John 2:28
And now, dear children, remain in fellowship with Christ so that when he returns, you will be full of courage and not shrink back from him in shame.
My hope is in you Lord! Grant me courage no matter what I may face this week. Thank you Lord that you showed me the way and that you equip me with everything I need, WHEN I need it. Not before I need, and not after I need it. God, grant me opportunities this week to show others how much you love them. Allow me to be a source of strength for someone. I trust you God in all things. Praise the Lord oh my soul! In Jesus' name, AMEN.
August 25, 2009
Putting God First - Encouraged
I have no idea what kind of day you are having. Regardless if this day is bringing you joy or bringing challenges, or maybe both, I pray you will be encouraged by reading this post.
2 John 1:3
“Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love.”
What GREAT words: grace, mercy, peace, truth, love!
AND all used in one sentence. How often do our sentences include that many words of encouragement and affirmation? WOW!
Abba Father,
May your words be my words today. Thank you for seeing to it that your Message would be written and kept alive for thousands of years. Keep my thoughts pure and help me to speak words of encouragement and affirmation to others; to family, to the mailman, to the clerk at a store, to co-workers, to whoever you bring into my life this day. AMEN
2 John 1:3
“Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love.”
What GREAT words: grace, mercy, peace, truth, love!
AND all used in one sentence. How often do our sentences include that many words of encouragement and affirmation? WOW!
Abba Father,
May your words be my words today. Thank you for seeing to it that your Message would be written and kept alive for thousands of years. Keep my thoughts pure and help me to speak words of encouragement and affirmation to others; to family, to the mailman, to the clerk at a store, to co-workers, to whoever you bring into my life this day. AMEN
August 24, 2009
Putting God First - Waiting
One night as I drifted off to sleep I reflected on the day. I felt that it was productive and was mostly at peace. Yet I found this small restlessness in my heart and so I asked God to examine it. I silenced my thoughts and waited. In the stillness of my heart I felt God saying “wait”. “Wait for what?” I wondered. No answer came just that one word “wait”. Slowly I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning I did a Bible word search on" “wait on the Lord”. I searched in 4 different translations and nothing came back. I was disappointed. I was positive there had to be a Bible verse on waiting on the Lord and since I couldn't find it I searched only on the word “wait” but so many verses came back that I was overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed or not I began the daunting task of reading the verses that came back on that search. It was in that search that I found what I was looking for. It isn’t “wait on the Lord”, it is “wait for the Lord”.
What a huge difference that one word makes. I redid my search with "wait for the Lord" and eight verses came back. Here are two of them:
Isaiah 40:31
“Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”
I love this as often I find myself tired and weary.
Psalm 27:14
“ Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”
Hmmmmm…must be important when the search phrase I use is quoted twice in one verse.
Here is one that I found great comfort in:
Judges 6:18
“Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you." And the LORD said, "I will wait until you return."
Wow! God waits FOR us!
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your patient waiting. Thank you that you never tire of waiting for me. I don’t feel worthy for such honor. Help me wait for you Lord as your plan for my life is carried out. Help me to remember that every person (husband, child, friend, co-worker, store clerk) I speak to is a person You directed to me. Help me be patient as I wait for you Lord. Help me to remember that Your word never fails and that You will make Your presence known. God there is none that compares to you. AMEN
Originally written: May 28th, 2009
The next morning I did a Bible word search on" “wait on the Lord”. I searched in 4 different translations and nothing came back. I was disappointed. I was positive there had to be a Bible verse on waiting on the Lord and since I couldn't find it I searched only on the word “wait” but so many verses came back that I was overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed or not I began the daunting task of reading the verses that came back on that search. It was in that search that I found what I was looking for. It isn’t “wait on the Lord”, it is “wait for the Lord”.
What a huge difference that one word makes. I redid my search with "wait for the Lord" and eight verses came back. Here are two of them:
Isaiah 40:31
“Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”
I love this as often I find myself tired and weary.
Psalm 27:14
“ Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”
Hmmmmm…must be important when the search phrase I use is quoted twice in one verse.
Here is one that I found great comfort in:
Judges 6:18
“Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you." And the LORD said, "I will wait until you return."
Wow! God waits FOR us!
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your patient waiting. Thank you that you never tire of waiting for me. I don’t feel worthy for such honor. Help me wait for you Lord as your plan for my life is carried out. Help me to remember that every person (husband, child, friend, co-worker, store clerk) I speak to is a person You directed to me. Help me be patient as I wait for you Lord. Help me to remember that Your word never fails and that You will make Your presence known. God there is none that compares to you. AMEN
Originally written: May 28th, 2009
August 21, 2009
Desperate
So I'm driving home after an almost 12 hour day. Yikes can that be right? Started at 8:30 AM left at 8:00 PM. Yes I guess that's right.
Anyway, I decide to take the road less traveled home because the drive is so beautiful and less stressful than I435 and Metcalf. It had been a long day, that followed a long day the day before.
The windows are down the sunroof is as open as it can go. I'm wishing I had a convertible because it is just so incredibly beautiful out. I feel the stress that fills me beginning to leave.
I just put my head back and breath in the fabulously fresh air. I smell the trees, the grass, the flowers. I marvel at what a gift this evening is. My arm hangs out the window catching the wind and dancing to the beat of the music coming from my radio.
I start to think of all the wonderful blessings God has given me. I wonder "why me Lord"? There are so many I know who need and probably deserve blessings more than I do. But my heart fills with gratitude that can't be explained. Then a song comes on the radio and as I sing the words "I'm desperate for You" my heart is turned to heaven.
I cry because I'm so overwhelmed.
"This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me"
The words of the song fill me as I breathe in the fresh evening air. I fill my lungs as I rest in the assurance that God's spirit is living in me. I belong to Him.
"I'm desperate for You
I'm lost without You"
My soul is at peace as the song concludes. I'm content.
Anyway, I decide to take the road less traveled home because the drive is so beautiful and less stressful than I435 and Metcalf. It had been a long day, that followed a long day the day before.
The windows are down the sunroof is as open as it can go. I'm wishing I had a convertible because it is just so incredibly beautiful out. I feel the stress that fills me beginning to leave.
I just put my head back and breath in the fabulously fresh air. I smell the trees, the grass, the flowers. I marvel at what a gift this evening is. My arm hangs out the window catching the wind and dancing to the beat of the music coming from my radio.
I start to think of all the wonderful blessings God has given me. I wonder "why me Lord"? There are so many I know who need and probably deserve blessings more than I do. But my heart fills with gratitude that can't be explained. Then a song comes on the radio and as I sing the words "I'm desperate for You" my heart is turned to heaven.
I cry because I'm so overwhelmed.
"This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me"
The words of the song fill me as I breathe in the fresh evening air. I fill my lungs as I rest in the assurance that God's spirit is living in me. I belong to Him.
"I'm desperate for You
I'm lost without You"
My soul is at peace as the song concludes. I'm content.
August 11, 2009
Putting God First - Shhhhh
Have you ever been told a secret and then blabbed it to someone else? Have you ever shared your secret with someone and then found out that they told someone else? Remember the feelings from when that happened?
In the first situation there is something exciting about being able to tell someone something they didn't know. You can feel somewhat powerful. If you get away with it you might even think it did no harm. But we never "get away" with it, do we. God always knows. And what if it back fires and the person who trusted you found out what you did. AND then they confront you about it. Ever have that happen? Sadly I must confess I have. I still remember that feeling like it was yesterday. I never want to experience that again.
Then what about when you were the one who shared something and was betrayed by someone who didn't keep your secret. Remember those feelings. Quite different from the situation above. Hurt replaces shame. Anger replaces embarrassment. Sometimes friendships can be destroyed.
Mark 1:40-45
A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured. Jesus sent him away at once with a strong warning: "See that you don't tell this to anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for your cleansing, as a testimony to them." Instead he went out and began to talk freely, spreading the news.
There are a number of things that strike me about these Bible verses. However, the part that hits me the most is that Jesus instructed this man to NOT tell others about the healing that He did. But the man could not be silent. His life was changed forever as a result of God in Flesh touching him, having compassion on him and healing him. He knew this was a miracle and he knew that the man who performed it had told him to tell no one. Yet he told everyone who would listen. Jesus knew this would happen and yet used the situation to bring glory to God. He didn't strike the man dead or shame him, even though his telling others meant more crowds of people trying to find Jesus. No, Jesus forgives.
I think about this man who must have wondered if he told others about what Jesus did would Jesus make him sick again? Or maybe he never wondered that at all. Maybe he was just caught up in the moment. This secret was just too good to keep and so he risked it all and told everyone who would listen about this Jesus and what he had done. Why? Because his life was forever changed by this one encounter with the Son of God.
Today God continues to change lives and now He instructs (or is it a “strong warning”) us to go spread the Good News; but how often do we just stay silent. Interesting. When our lives our profoundly changed by God we might tell a person or two but rarely will someone in this culture tell "everyone" they meet. No, talking about God or what He has done in our lives is not politically correct so we risk nothing and stay silent. This must make God sad. This must speak to God's infinite patience with us. When he says "be silent" we talk, when he says "talk" we are silent. Hmmmm
Dear Heavenly Father,
Make me more like the man who had leprosy. Fan a flame of desire in me that is so strong I can't ignore it. Allow me to share what you have done in my life and may I never stay silent on it. You Lord God changed my life and my heart and it is with unending gratitude that I desire to serve you. May I never make you sad by missing an opportunity you give me to share what you've done with others. Open my eyes and my ears. Help me to focus on the true need that lies in each person you allow me to have contact with. As You had compassion on the outcasts of society may I also have compassion on those that our society considers of little or no value. Allow me to shine light in the darkness. Guide me in all wisdom and let my voice be heard. Not to bring me into the spotlight or on center stage Lord, but so that others will see past me directly to you. The only one who can change lives. Thank you God that you have called me to speak for those in the womb who cannot speak for themselves. Thank you God that you allow me the privilege of working with men and women who have been deeply hurt by abortion. Thank you that you provide those holy moments where I can see you changing a life that was once lost in darkness. Never let me forget how much you have done for me. AMEN
In the first situation there is something exciting about being able to tell someone something they didn't know. You can feel somewhat powerful. If you get away with it you might even think it did no harm. But we never "get away" with it, do we. God always knows. And what if it back fires and the person who trusted you found out what you did. AND then they confront you about it. Ever have that happen? Sadly I must confess I have. I still remember that feeling like it was yesterday. I never want to experience that again.
Then what about when you were the one who shared something and was betrayed by someone who didn't keep your secret. Remember those feelings. Quite different from the situation above. Hurt replaces shame. Anger replaces embarrassment. Sometimes friendships can be destroyed.
Mark 1:40-45
A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured. Jesus sent him away at once with a strong warning: "See that you don't tell this to anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for your cleansing, as a testimony to them." Instead he went out and began to talk freely, spreading the news.
There are a number of things that strike me about these Bible verses. However, the part that hits me the most is that Jesus instructed this man to NOT tell others about the healing that He did. But the man could not be silent. His life was changed forever as a result of God in Flesh touching him, having compassion on him and healing him. He knew this was a miracle and he knew that the man who performed it had told him to tell no one. Yet he told everyone who would listen. Jesus knew this would happen and yet used the situation to bring glory to God. He didn't strike the man dead or shame him, even though his telling others meant more crowds of people trying to find Jesus. No, Jesus forgives.
I think about this man who must have wondered if he told others about what Jesus did would Jesus make him sick again? Or maybe he never wondered that at all. Maybe he was just caught up in the moment. This secret was just too good to keep and so he risked it all and told everyone who would listen about this Jesus and what he had done. Why? Because his life was forever changed by this one encounter with the Son of God.
Today God continues to change lives and now He instructs (or is it a “strong warning”) us to go spread the Good News; but how often do we just stay silent. Interesting. When our lives our profoundly changed by God we might tell a person or two but rarely will someone in this culture tell "everyone" they meet. No, talking about God or what He has done in our lives is not politically correct so we risk nothing and stay silent. This must make God sad. This must speak to God's infinite patience with us. When he says "be silent" we talk, when he says "talk" we are silent. Hmmmm
Dear Heavenly Father,
Make me more like the man who had leprosy. Fan a flame of desire in me that is so strong I can't ignore it. Allow me to share what you have done in my life and may I never stay silent on it. You Lord God changed my life and my heart and it is with unending gratitude that I desire to serve you. May I never make you sad by missing an opportunity you give me to share what you've done with others. Open my eyes and my ears. Help me to focus on the true need that lies in each person you allow me to have contact with. As You had compassion on the outcasts of society may I also have compassion on those that our society considers of little or no value. Allow me to shine light in the darkness. Guide me in all wisdom and let my voice be heard. Not to bring me into the spotlight or on center stage Lord, but so that others will see past me directly to you. The only one who can change lives. Thank you God that you have called me to speak for those in the womb who cannot speak for themselves. Thank you God that you allow me the privilege of working with men and women who have been deeply hurt by abortion. Thank you that you provide those holy moments where I can see you changing a life that was once lost in darkness. Never let me forget how much you have done for me. AMEN
July 29, 2009
Putting God First - Wisdom
James 3:17-18
“But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.” - NLT
Father God,
There is so much in your word about wisdom. I find I value it more with each passing day. In the verse above it states wisdom is “pure”. Help me this day to recognize when I believe I am being wise but it is not that pure wisdom that comes only from you. Dear Lord, I pray that you will guide so I may be peace loving, gentle, and “willing to yield”. These are not the things that come naturally for me. Show me this day opportunities to plant seeds of peace with anyone who is in need. Thank you Lord for putting wisdom within my reach and for loving me to the point of death on the cross. And Lord as I read this same verse from the Message I was not feeling so good as I recognized it as a mirror to my heart. Help me to value everyone you put in my life from my friends – to my husband – to the clerk in the store – to my church family. Thank you that you do not treat me as I deserve to be treated but that you treat me as I don’t deserve by granting forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life with you. AMEN
James 3:17-18 (The Message)
“Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.”
(originally written - May 19, 2009. No added commentary needed, God's word says it all!)
“But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.” - NLT
Father God,
There is so much in your word about wisdom. I find I value it more with each passing day. In the verse above it states wisdom is “pure”. Help me this day to recognize when I believe I am being wise but it is not that pure wisdom that comes only from you. Dear Lord, I pray that you will guide so I may be peace loving, gentle, and “willing to yield”. These are not the things that come naturally for me. Show me this day opportunities to plant seeds of peace with anyone who is in need. Thank you Lord for putting wisdom within my reach and for loving me to the point of death on the cross. And Lord as I read this same verse from the Message I was not feeling so good as I recognized it as a mirror to my heart. Help me to value everyone you put in my life from my friends – to my husband – to the clerk in the store – to my church family. Thank you that you do not treat me as I deserve to be treated but that you treat me as I don’t deserve by granting forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life with you. AMEN
James 3:17-18 (The Message)
“Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.”
(originally written - May 19, 2009. No added commentary needed, God's word says it all!)
July 28, 2009
Putting God First - All Mighty
Hebrews 6:10
“For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for Him and how you have shown your love to Him by caring for other believers, as you still do.”
One Sunday my pastor said an interesting thing in his sermon. He said “God is all mighty, He will not be put down by anybody, any business, or any country.” That is not an exact quote but it is what I heard. God is ALL mighty and as we serve Him we need to always remember that. He is bigger and stronger than anything we may be facing right now, no matter how impossible the situation may seem. God is bigger than work issues, than life issues, than death issues, than government issues. Do you believe that? If you do it should change how you approach everything in your life. The ministry I work in has many real enemies. People who hate us and what we do. People who want to destroy us. Really, that is not an exaggeration. But based on God being all mighty we...fear not.
The verse above reminded me of the high calling it is to work in ministry. God is not unjust. Think on that. God is NOT unjust. My enemies will have to stand before God some day just as I will. It is then and only then that I believe things of this earth that do not make sense to me will be made perfectly clear. Until that time; remain faithful, work hard, and love others as God first loved you.
Father God,
Thank you that you are not UNJUST. Thank you that you are ALL mighty. Thank you Lord that you will never forget how hard each of us works for you. Help me to always show how much I love you by caring for the other believers you put in my life. Help me to remember, as you do, how hard everyone is working for you. Help me to remember to say “thank you” more often. AMEN
(originally written May 18, 2009)
“For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for Him and how you have shown your love to Him by caring for other believers, as you still do.”
One Sunday my pastor said an interesting thing in his sermon. He said “God is all mighty, He will not be put down by anybody, any business, or any country.” That is not an exact quote but it is what I heard. God is ALL mighty and as we serve Him we need to always remember that. He is bigger and stronger than anything we may be facing right now, no matter how impossible the situation may seem. God is bigger than work issues, than life issues, than death issues, than government issues. Do you believe that? If you do it should change how you approach everything in your life. The ministry I work in has many real enemies. People who hate us and what we do. People who want to destroy us. Really, that is not an exaggeration. But based on God being all mighty we...fear not.
The verse above reminded me of the high calling it is to work in ministry. God is not unjust. Think on that. God is NOT unjust. My enemies will have to stand before God some day just as I will. It is then and only then that I believe things of this earth that do not make sense to me will be made perfectly clear. Until that time; remain faithful, work hard, and love others as God first loved you.
Father God,
Thank you that you are not UNJUST. Thank you that you are ALL mighty. Thank you Lord that you will never forget how hard each of us works for you. Help me to always show how much I love you by caring for the other believers you put in my life. Help me to remember, as you do, how hard everyone is working for you. Help me to remember to say “thank you” more often. AMEN
(originally written May 18, 2009)
Where have I been?
Wow. It's been along time since I've posted anything in this blog. Probably not a big deal since I might be the only one that reads is regularly (well me and my mom).
I've been busy, nothing new. I've also found a new outlet for writing and I think that might be why I haven't done much here.
Now moved into the new house and just a few days away from having cable (so we can watch tv again) and internet access (so I can keep up with blogging!).
My writing outlet has been an attempt at some daily devotionals I share with others where I serve God daily. I might pick a few of my favorites and start posting them here. I titled them "Putting God First" because in the ministry where I work we have to do that in order to survive. It has been sortof an awakening of my spirit, so to speak. It forces me to consider God first before I begin my day. I have found it to be encouraging. I hope if you read them you will find encouragement in them too.
I've been busy, nothing new. I've also found a new outlet for writing and I think that might be why I haven't done much here.
Now moved into the new house and just a few days away from having cable (so we can watch tv again) and internet access (so I can keep up with blogging!).
My writing outlet has been an attempt at some daily devotionals I share with others where I serve God daily. I might pick a few of my favorites and start posting them here. I titled them "Putting God First" because in the ministry where I work we have to do that in order to survive. It has been sortof an awakening of my spirit, so to speak. It forces me to consider God first before I begin my day. I have found it to be encouraging. I hope if you read them you will find encouragement in them too.
June 18, 2009
Are you nuts?
So maybe 5 years ago my husband said, "Let's sell the house and move into an apartment."
To which I responded, "ARE YOU NUTS?????"
2 years later he had convinced me that we would love being apartment dwellers again and so a few thousands dollars later (new windows, new siding, and other things that needed to be done to make the house "marketable") we said goodbye to the house we had lived in for 10 years.
Welcome apartment living! AWESOME! No yard to mow. Less expenses. No property taxes. Can I hear an AMEN? And on top of all that we have pool we don't have to maintain, a gym we don't have to pay dues for, and life is good.
A little over 2 years later my husband says, "I think we should buy a house again."
To which I respond, "ARE YOU NUTS????"
Is anyone else seeing a pattern here?
Think about it he says, "we only have a one car garage, we occasionally have very loud and drunk neighbors - remember when the police had to come?, our space is not a home we really can't do anything we want to it, we are at the beckon call of the landlord, rent keeps going up but nothing gets better because of it", etc.
So I call the real estate agent.
One year later we spend almost an hour in a bank signing the myriad of papers they put in front of us, write a big check, and walk out with a key that's retail value is about one dollar. I look at the key and think "wow, that is one expensive key".
We go to our new home and open the door and feel the joy of home ownership once again. Really, I guess it takes a while being away from it to appreciate it again. We reflect on all the tiny miracles that happened to get us to this point:
- Interest rates dropped
- Real estate dropped
- President Obama offered us $8,000 to be home owners once again (sold last home 3/16/06 - first time buyer tax credit applies if you have not owned a home in over 3 years, bought house today - 3/18/09 . Can someone say "hmmmm"?)
- Fears of major issues found at inspection turn out to be unfounded
- Just when we need it a guy pulls up at the house we are considering buying with a ladder in the back of his truck. Minutes after I said "wish we would have brought a ladder".
Well I guess some of these miracles aren't so tiny. But I wonder, will I miss being an apartment dweller and the freedom that affords?
NO!
God made sure of that. This week has been a nightmare and a HUGE reminder that we are just living in someone else's space and subject to their rule and dominion. A long story I could not due justice in this note but one that is worthy of telling.
Fire sprinklers in our building have been recalled. All of them must be replaced. We have to move EVERYTHING away from the sprinklers and EMPTY all closets that have one in them. That is just about every room and closet in our little dwelling. So Sunday evening is spent moving everything we can out of closets and against walls. Moving furniture so it isn't under sprinklers and then Monday morning all the cloths are carefully taken out of closets, laid on the bed and covered with blankets. The last item has to undone at night since we must sleep on that bed and the next morning the ritual is repeated. For THREE days! That was Monday. Tomorrow is Friday and I have to do it all again. They didn't show on Monday. We were told they will start Wednesday. They didn't show on Wednesday. We were told they will start on Thursday. They did show today so this evening is spent getting exercise bending over picking up thousands of tiny pieces of orange plastic that flies all over the place when you remove fire sprinklers. Something I didn't know before and could have died happy not knowing it. Maybe they will finish tomorrow, who knows.
So I consider it a gift from God - a new house - with a bow on top - a reminder of why I don't want to live in an apartment any more.
Well at least not until my husband says, "Honey....."
To which I responded, "ARE YOU NUTS?????"
2 years later he had convinced me that we would love being apartment dwellers again and so a few thousands dollars later (new windows, new siding, and other things that needed to be done to make the house "marketable") we said goodbye to the house we had lived in for 10 years.
Welcome apartment living! AWESOME! No yard to mow. Less expenses. No property taxes. Can I hear an AMEN? And on top of all that we have pool we don't have to maintain, a gym we don't have to pay dues for, and life is good.
A little over 2 years later my husband says, "I think we should buy a house again."
To which I respond, "ARE YOU NUTS????"
Is anyone else seeing a pattern here?
Think about it he says, "we only have a one car garage, we occasionally have very loud and drunk neighbors - remember when the police had to come?, our space is not a home we really can't do anything we want to it, we are at the beckon call of the landlord, rent keeps going up but nothing gets better because of it", etc.
So I call the real estate agent.
One year later we spend almost an hour in a bank signing the myriad of papers they put in front of us, write a big check, and walk out with a key that's retail value is about one dollar. I look at the key and think "wow, that is one expensive key".
We go to our new home and open the door and feel the joy of home ownership once again. Really, I guess it takes a while being away from it to appreciate it again. We reflect on all the tiny miracles that happened to get us to this point:
- Interest rates dropped
- Real estate dropped
- President Obama offered us $8,000 to be home owners once again (sold last home 3/16/06 - first time buyer tax credit applies if you have not owned a home in over 3 years, bought house today - 3/18/09 . Can someone say "hmmmm"?)
- Fears of major issues found at inspection turn out to be unfounded
- Just when we need it a guy pulls up at the house we are considering buying with a ladder in the back of his truck. Minutes after I said "wish we would have brought a ladder".
Well I guess some of these miracles aren't so tiny. But I wonder, will I miss being an apartment dweller and the freedom that affords?
NO!
God made sure of that. This week has been a nightmare and a HUGE reminder that we are just living in someone else's space and subject to their rule and dominion. A long story I could not due justice in this note but one that is worthy of telling.
Fire sprinklers in our building have been recalled. All of them must be replaced. We have to move EVERYTHING away from the sprinklers and EMPTY all closets that have one in them. That is just about every room and closet in our little dwelling. So Sunday evening is spent moving everything we can out of closets and against walls. Moving furniture so it isn't under sprinklers and then Monday morning all the cloths are carefully taken out of closets, laid on the bed and covered with blankets. The last item has to undone at night since we must sleep on that bed and the next morning the ritual is repeated. For THREE days! That was Monday. Tomorrow is Friday and I have to do it all again. They didn't show on Monday. We were told they will start Wednesday. They didn't show on Wednesday. We were told they will start on Thursday. They did show today so this evening is spent getting exercise bending over picking up thousands of tiny pieces of orange plastic that flies all over the place when you remove fire sprinklers. Something I didn't know before and could have died happy not knowing it. Maybe they will finish tomorrow, who knows.
So I consider it a gift from God - a new house - with a bow on top - a reminder of why I don't want to live in an apartment any more.
Well at least not until my husband says, "Honey....."
June 4, 2009
Thinking again
So I was driving home and this man on a bicycle was riding like he was in a car. Just using whatever lane he wanted and going all over the road. Common in other countries but so much here.
He decided he wanted to turn left at an intersection and right as he got to it the light turned RED! I didn't think he would stop and prepared myself to watch him get hit by a car. He stopped. Phew.
The incident reminded me of a time in Florida when I witnessed a not so smart person on a motorcycle do something stupid while trying to show off. BAM, right into the back of an SUV. It was horrible to witness and I cried. I think I might have even let out a little scream.
This is when I started thinking about all the times I have screamed because something startled me, shocked me, angered me, or just surprised me in such a way that an uninvited, unexpected, unpremeditated SCREAM came out.
I began to wonder if God screams. After all we are made in his image and these times when I've screamed for these types of situations seem to just happen. Like instinct or something. Like something designed into my being for some unknown reason. So, I ask you, does God scream?
If He does. What would cause Him to scream. What horror or injustice would be so terrible that God would just scream? Nothing surprises Him so I know that would never be the cause. No, I guess as I think about it God would never scream. Not in the sense I do.
But He does cry. What makes God cry?
Think about it.
He decided he wanted to turn left at an intersection and right as he got to it the light turned RED! I didn't think he would stop and prepared myself to watch him get hit by a car. He stopped. Phew.
The incident reminded me of a time in Florida when I witnessed a not so smart person on a motorcycle do something stupid while trying to show off. BAM, right into the back of an SUV. It was horrible to witness and I cried. I think I might have even let out a little scream.
This is when I started thinking about all the times I have screamed because something startled me, shocked me, angered me, or just surprised me in such a way that an uninvited, unexpected, unpremeditated SCREAM came out.
I began to wonder if God screams. After all we are made in his image and these times when I've screamed for these types of situations seem to just happen. Like instinct or something. Like something designed into my being for some unknown reason. So, I ask you, does God scream?
If He does. What would cause Him to scream. What horror or injustice would be so terrible that God would just scream? Nothing surprises Him so I know that would never be the cause. No, I guess as I think about it God would never scream. Not in the sense I do.
But He does cry. What makes God cry?
Think about it.
May 29, 2009
3AM
"I saw 3 AM again" is part of a line in a song I hear on the radio now and then. It speaks to seeing it for all the wrong reasons.
Well, last night I saw 2AM, 3AM, and 4AM. Not sure why I couldn't sleep because I was dead tired. I did have an incredibly terrible headache during the day but I don't think that is what kept me awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.
I laid there thinking about how many people would be distraught if they were awake at that hour for that amount of time. But for some reason I enjoyed the fact that I didn't have do anything, or be anywhere, or even move if I didn't want to. I didn't spend the time thinking about that day or tomorrow or all the things there are to do. No I just enjoyed doing nothing. I wasn't even angry that I couldn't fall back to sleep.
Those are typically the times when I pray and seek God. I did a bit of that but then I heard my husband's rhythmic breathing next to me. I just listened as he would breathe in and then out. I remembered back to the first time a met him. It was a blind date and there were two things that stood out in my mind from that first encounter. One was how incredibly sweet he was and the other was how safe I felt when he held my hand. Even at that moment when he would still be considered a stranger.
Then I remembered our first apartment we had together. Over 30 years ago and in my minds eye I could see him, a 20-something young man, who was so devoted and looked at me as if I were the only woman he had ever seen. I remembered to earlier in the evening when he was caring for me with my headache. The face, hair, and body of this man may have aged over the years but that look is still in his eyes. To be so loved is a gift that nothing can compare to.
Again, I hear his breathing. I look at the clock and see it is 3:30AM. I realize that in less 2 hours his alarm will go off and a new day will begin. I think to myself that maybe I had better try to fall asleep. Before sleep comes I enjoy 30 more minutes of doing nothing.
Well, last night I saw 2AM, 3AM, and 4AM. Not sure why I couldn't sleep because I was dead tired. I did have an incredibly terrible headache during the day but I don't think that is what kept me awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.
I laid there thinking about how many people would be distraught if they were awake at that hour for that amount of time. But for some reason I enjoyed the fact that I didn't have do anything, or be anywhere, or even move if I didn't want to. I didn't spend the time thinking about that day or tomorrow or all the things there are to do. No I just enjoyed doing nothing. I wasn't even angry that I couldn't fall back to sleep.
Those are typically the times when I pray and seek God. I did a bit of that but then I heard my husband's rhythmic breathing next to me. I just listened as he would breathe in and then out. I remembered back to the first time a met him. It was a blind date and there were two things that stood out in my mind from that first encounter. One was how incredibly sweet he was and the other was how safe I felt when he held my hand. Even at that moment when he would still be considered a stranger.
Then I remembered our first apartment we had together. Over 30 years ago and in my minds eye I could see him, a 20-something young man, who was so devoted and looked at me as if I were the only woman he had ever seen. I remembered to earlier in the evening when he was caring for me with my headache. The face, hair, and body of this man may have aged over the years but that look is still in his eyes. To be so loved is a gift that nothing can compare to.
Again, I hear his breathing. I look at the clock and see it is 3:30AM. I realize that in less 2 hours his alarm will go off and a new day will begin. I think to myself that maybe I had better try to fall asleep. Before sleep comes I enjoy 30 more minutes of doing nothing.
May 3, 2009
What IS heaven?
So I asked her, "where do you think you will go after you die?"
The answer surprisingly was one I've heard before. She said, "to a place where everyone goes after they die". She went on to explain that there is no heaven or hell or purgatory or "any of that stuff". That everyone goes to the same place and they all live together there forever.
"Is God there?", I asked. She wasn't sure but she knew there was a God. So I asked, "Will Hitler be in the same place you will be?"
She thought for a very long time before answering that one. She wasn't sure but it seemed she needed to say yes because if she didn't then she knew that what she said earlier would have no meaning. So she said, "Yes, but he will be farther away in this place from where I will be. But it will still be the same place. It is hard to explain."
Where did she get this understanding? She wasn't sure. She just "knows it". She doesn't believe what her mother believes and she doesn't believe what the church she has gone to teaches. She has heard about Jesus Christ and said she understands God sent him and that he died on a cross.
What she didn't know is that Jesus is God and that He gave up heaven to come to earth. Gave up everything so He could be human and live among us. He did this so we once again could be united with our Creator. We talked about being created and what that means. We talked about how much God loves us and that Jesus came so we could be saved. I shared how Jesus died not because He sinned...but because we do. I shared with her my own path of sin and learning about God. I shared with her how once I too was confused and unsure about what would happen after I died.
She listened and wondered what was true. What she made up or what I was sharing. So I told her that the truth she seeks can be found. That God gave us the truth by putting it in the written word that we call the Bible. I shared that there is so much evidence that proves the Bible to be true and reliable and it can be validated.
I could tell that she was overwhelmed and had no interest in researching these things on her own. She has heard so many "stories" during her lifetime and has never investigated or researched any of what she believes to be true. No, it is easier to believe just because it sounds good to her. If she thinks it is true that is enough. She doesn't have to be able to prove it or justify it to anyone.
But she still has so many questions and no answers for them based on the theology she has created. This conversation did not happen in a country where the Gospel is not available. No it happened here in the middle of the USA.
As I reflect back on the conversation I had with the woman I realize that when we seek God on our own we often do not find Him, we tend to create him in our image. No, it is God who first seeks us. It is God who leads us to truth. Not because of who we are or how good we are or who we might become. Just because of how much He loves us. So much that He sent His one and only Son to die for us. God knew that left on our own we would stay lost.
But that does not mean we don't have free will to reject the gift that He has given us. The woman I spoke with is now faced with that choice. Accept what is true and grow in the wisdom of the Lord or refuse the truth and spend eternity without Him. I once read that hell is not hell because of the heat or the fire or the punishment. Hell is hell because of the absence of God. I can't imagine life here or in eternity without God, that would be hell. Heaven is being in God's presence forever. I pray she finds the Truth she is seeking. I pray He uses the words I shared to direct her on to the narrow path that leads to Him. I pray God allows me to share the Good News about Him with many others in my community who still don't know the Truth.
AMEN
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 14:16 - Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."
The answer surprisingly was one I've heard before. She said, "to a place where everyone goes after they die". She went on to explain that there is no heaven or hell or purgatory or "any of that stuff". That everyone goes to the same place and they all live together there forever.
"Is God there?", I asked. She wasn't sure but she knew there was a God. So I asked, "Will Hitler be in the same place you will be?"
She thought for a very long time before answering that one. She wasn't sure but it seemed she needed to say yes because if she didn't then she knew that what she said earlier would have no meaning. So she said, "Yes, but he will be farther away in this place from where I will be. But it will still be the same place. It is hard to explain."
Where did she get this understanding? She wasn't sure. She just "knows it". She doesn't believe what her mother believes and she doesn't believe what the church she has gone to teaches. She has heard about Jesus Christ and said she understands God sent him and that he died on a cross.
What she didn't know is that Jesus is God and that He gave up heaven to come to earth. Gave up everything so He could be human and live among us. He did this so we once again could be united with our Creator. We talked about being created and what that means. We talked about how much God loves us and that Jesus came so we could be saved. I shared how Jesus died not because He sinned...but because we do. I shared with her my own path of sin and learning about God. I shared with her how once I too was confused and unsure about what would happen after I died.
She listened and wondered what was true. What she made up or what I was sharing. So I told her that the truth she seeks can be found. That God gave us the truth by putting it in the written word that we call the Bible. I shared that there is so much evidence that proves the Bible to be true and reliable and it can be validated.
I could tell that she was overwhelmed and had no interest in researching these things on her own. She has heard so many "stories" during her lifetime and has never investigated or researched any of what she believes to be true. No, it is easier to believe just because it sounds good to her. If she thinks it is true that is enough. She doesn't have to be able to prove it or justify it to anyone.
But she still has so many questions and no answers for them based on the theology she has created. This conversation did not happen in a country where the Gospel is not available. No it happened here in the middle of the USA.
As I reflect back on the conversation I had with the woman I realize that when we seek God on our own we often do not find Him, we tend to create him in our image. No, it is God who first seeks us. It is God who leads us to truth. Not because of who we are or how good we are or who we might become. Just because of how much He loves us. So much that He sent His one and only Son to die for us. God knew that left on our own we would stay lost.
But that does not mean we don't have free will to reject the gift that He has given us. The woman I spoke with is now faced with that choice. Accept what is true and grow in the wisdom of the Lord or refuse the truth and spend eternity without Him. I once read that hell is not hell because of the heat or the fire or the punishment. Hell is hell because of the absence of God. I can't imagine life here or in eternity without God, that would be hell. Heaven is being in God's presence forever. I pray she finds the Truth she is seeking. I pray He uses the words I shared to direct her on to the narrow path that leads to Him. I pray God allows me to share the Good News about Him with many others in my community who still don't know the Truth.
AMEN
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 14:16 - Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."
May 1, 2009
Dignity and Infinite Mercy
My in-laws have found what we were praying for. Gary's brother Steve and his wife Mary have turned their world and their home upside down in order to care for them.
This week dad was released from the rehab center and Steve and Mary brought him and mom home to live with them. They both know this will be a road filled with many difficulties but as Steve said, "it will all be worth it to have even one chance to see dad smile again."
I looked back at an earlier post and was reminded that when I had no words to pray for Gary's dad all I could ask God for was to bring him a little dignity. I also requested that God would show them both infinite mercy. Both of those requests were answered beyond anything I could have imagined.
I spoke with Gary's mom the evening of the big move to their new home and she said dad woke up that morning full of joy, excitement, and humor. He wouldn't stop talking and was making everyone in the rehab center laugh. Now that's the Eugene Clayton Gosa we all know and love.
May God grant him many moments of joy, humor, and smiles for whatever days he is given.
May God give him and mom quiet moments together that only they can truly cherish.
And May God bless Steve and Mary in ways they could never imagine for putting their love to action that requires great sacrifice.
I am overwhelmed. Our God IS and awesome God.
This week dad was released from the rehab center and Steve and Mary brought him and mom home to live with them. They both know this will be a road filled with many difficulties but as Steve said, "it will all be worth it to have even one chance to see dad smile again."
I looked back at an earlier post and was reminded that when I had no words to pray for Gary's dad all I could ask God for was to bring him a little dignity. I also requested that God would show them both infinite mercy. Both of those requests were answered beyond anything I could have imagined.
I spoke with Gary's mom the evening of the big move to their new home and she said dad woke up that morning full of joy, excitement, and humor. He wouldn't stop talking and was making everyone in the rehab center laugh. Now that's the Eugene Clayton Gosa we all know and love.
May God grant him many moments of joy, humor, and smiles for whatever days he is given.
May God give him and mom quiet moments together that only they can truly cherish.
And May God bless Steve and Mary in ways they could never imagine for putting their love to action that requires great sacrifice.
I am overwhelmed. Our God IS and awesome God.
April 16, 2009
To do or not to do
Faced with a dilemma, what is right?
I wonder do I act, or just hold tight?
Godly wisdom is all I seek.
The answer is not the one I need.
"To do" that's the way I'm lead.
When "not to do" was in my head.
I fight the urge but God wins out.
Now I'm filled with lots of doubt.
Why me Lord? Ask someone else today.
But His answer is clear and so I obey.
My task now done it hurt to do.
No glory for me, I turn to You.
God be honored use this for good.
Released to you - its all soul food.
Trust the Lord with eternity.
These are the things I pray for me.
I wonder do I act, or just hold tight?
Godly wisdom is all I seek.
The answer is not the one I need.
"To do" that's the way I'm lead.
When "not to do" was in my head.
I fight the urge but God wins out.
Now I'm filled with lots of doubt.
Why me Lord? Ask someone else today.
But His answer is clear and so I obey.
My task now done it hurt to do.
No glory for me, I turn to You.
God be honored use this for good.
Released to you - its all soul food.
Trust the Lord with eternity.
These are the things I pray for me.
April 13, 2009
The dream
So I lost my voice and found out how much I need something that I take for granted. Then that night I had this dream.
I can't remember most of it. But I remember the lesson. I was wandering around this city with my family (husband and kids) when everything started to change and get complicated. One by one my family left me. They said they would be back but never did return. I had a purse and other things but someone robbed me and took it all. Except for one dollar. They told me to leave and so I just started wandering around. I was crying and frightened. All I had was the cloths I was wearing and that one dollar bill. Everything important to me was gone. Somehow I knew it was God who took it all. It was so difficult to comprehend what I was feeling at that moment but I guess helplessness comes to mind.
I woke up still uneasy about the dream. I thought that maybe is was due to having lost my voice. But I found that over the next few days I would often reflect back on this dream and the feelings I had during it. Feelings that are difficult to find words to express. Someone who once had it all and now had nothing could probably understand what it felt like. I'm sure that Job from the Bible knew.
The next three days were spent in the rehab center with my in-laws. My father-in-law is 88 and has many health issues. Day one was hard as he was so drugged up he didn't even know who we were. Day two we had them reduce the pain meds and he was only slightly better. I think he knew we were there but communicating with us was not possible. He also was unable to remain awake or complete a sentence. At the end of day we (the family) said to take him off all the narcotics he was on since we didn't even recognize him anymore. Day three we could see signs of his personality coming back to us. He will most likely never go back home to his apartment. He will need medical care for whatever remaining days God gives him.
As I watched him I reflected on the long life this man has had. I remember that he served in WWII, skiing the border of Alaska - protected America. Frost bite and the cold took its toll on this man but he survived and returned home to get a job, a wife, and raise of family of five. For decades he worked in a factory job that also took its toll on his body. Now at the age of 88 he sits in this wheelchair unable to lift his head from the slumped over position we are getting used to seeing.
Simple tasks are no longer possible for him. He has had everything taken away from him. He can't walk, he needs help to eat, he can't focus on things, even simple tasks like blowing his nose are challenging. And when he looks at his wife of over 60 years you can see the sadness in his eyes as you realize that he understands his condition and knows he will always need someones help to eat. Quietly he whispers to her "I'm tired." Again and again I hear him whisper this to her. He doesn't mean physically tired even though that small sentence took a lot of energy for him to say. He has been battling strong and hard for over 10 years now. A constant war with pain that he may not have the ability to keep fighting.
My heart hurts as I hold back tears and wish growing old didn't have to include these types of difficulties. Yet, I walk the halls of the rehab center and see many many elderly men and women all fighting their own private war. I realize that the feelings I can't find words to express from my dream may slightly be what my father-in-law is feeling. He tries to express it at times but he is from a generation where men did not show weakness.
We watch as the physical therapist pushes him to but one cup on another. A small task but we celebrate when he accomplishes it. He looks over at us and you know that he knows how embarassing this is. And it is only one of the minor things that causes him embarassment these days. I wonder what he is thinking. Is he thinking that you celebrate when a 3 year old places cups in the right order and can stack them one on the other, not 88 year old men?
He looks at his wife, she looks back, and the words that are unsaid between the two of them could fill an entire novel. Again, I want to cry but I know if I do he will know that I know too much; so I hold my tears and wait until later when I am alone. I pray and am not sure what to even ask for so I ask for nothing.
Later it comes to me and I ask God to please find a way, any way, to give this dignified man some sense of dignity. It doesn't seem like much to ask for but it does seem like it is something only God could provide him at this point.
I'm left to wonder if the loss of my voice and the dream from the other night were gifts to me so that I would observe more and be more in tune to what my in-laws might be going through. I'm sure that when they were in their 20's and newly married they had dreams for their old age that didn't include what they are now living. My dream was just that, a dream. What I felt as a result of that dream was just a tiny sampling of what they must be experiencing and feeling.
My voice is back now, not fully normal but on its way to being what it once was. Their lives will never be the same again. Dear Heavenly Father, please show them Your infinite mercy. AMEN
I can't remember most of it. But I remember the lesson. I was wandering around this city with my family (husband and kids) when everything started to change and get complicated. One by one my family left me. They said they would be back but never did return. I had a purse and other things but someone robbed me and took it all. Except for one dollar. They told me to leave and so I just started wandering around. I was crying and frightened. All I had was the cloths I was wearing and that one dollar bill. Everything important to me was gone. Somehow I knew it was God who took it all. It was so difficult to comprehend what I was feeling at that moment but I guess helplessness comes to mind.
I woke up still uneasy about the dream. I thought that maybe is was due to having lost my voice. But I found that over the next few days I would often reflect back on this dream and the feelings I had during it. Feelings that are difficult to find words to express. Someone who once had it all and now had nothing could probably understand what it felt like. I'm sure that Job from the Bible knew.
The next three days were spent in the rehab center with my in-laws. My father-in-law is 88 and has many health issues. Day one was hard as he was so drugged up he didn't even know who we were. Day two we had them reduce the pain meds and he was only slightly better. I think he knew we were there but communicating with us was not possible. He also was unable to remain awake or complete a sentence. At the end of day we (the family) said to take him off all the narcotics he was on since we didn't even recognize him anymore. Day three we could see signs of his personality coming back to us. He will most likely never go back home to his apartment. He will need medical care for whatever remaining days God gives him.
As I watched him I reflected on the long life this man has had. I remember that he served in WWII, skiing the border of Alaska - protected America. Frost bite and the cold took its toll on this man but he survived and returned home to get a job, a wife, and raise of family of five. For decades he worked in a factory job that also took its toll on his body. Now at the age of 88 he sits in this wheelchair unable to lift his head from the slumped over position we are getting used to seeing.
Simple tasks are no longer possible for him. He has had everything taken away from him. He can't walk, he needs help to eat, he can't focus on things, even simple tasks like blowing his nose are challenging. And when he looks at his wife of over 60 years you can see the sadness in his eyes as you realize that he understands his condition and knows he will always need someones help to eat. Quietly he whispers to her "I'm tired." Again and again I hear him whisper this to her. He doesn't mean physically tired even though that small sentence took a lot of energy for him to say. He has been battling strong and hard for over 10 years now. A constant war with pain that he may not have the ability to keep fighting.
My heart hurts as I hold back tears and wish growing old didn't have to include these types of difficulties. Yet, I walk the halls of the rehab center and see many many elderly men and women all fighting their own private war. I realize that the feelings I can't find words to express from my dream may slightly be what my father-in-law is feeling. He tries to express it at times but he is from a generation where men did not show weakness.
We watch as the physical therapist pushes him to but one cup on another. A small task but we celebrate when he accomplishes it. He looks over at us and you know that he knows how embarassing this is. And it is only one of the minor things that causes him embarassment these days. I wonder what he is thinking. Is he thinking that you celebrate when a 3 year old places cups in the right order and can stack them one on the other, not 88 year old men?
He looks at his wife, she looks back, and the words that are unsaid between the two of them could fill an entire novel. Again, I want to cry but I know if I do he will know that I know too much; so I hold my tears and wait until later when I am alone. I pray and am not sure what to even ask for so I ask for nothing.
Later it comes to me and I ask God to please find a way, any way, to give this dignified man some sense of dignity. It doesn't seem like much to ask for but it does seem like it is something only God could provide him at this point.
I'm left to wonder if the loss of my voice and the dream from the other night were gifts to me so that I would observe more and be more in tune to what my in-laws might be going through. I'm sure that when they were in their 20's and newly married they had dreams for their old age that didn't include what they are now living. My dream was just that, a dream. What I felt as a result of that dream was just a tiny sampling of what they must be experiencing and feeling.
My voice is back now, not fully normal but on its way to being what it once was. Their lives will never be the same again. Dear Heavenly Father, please show them Your infinite mercy. AMEN
April 12, 2009
Mute
They say "you don't know what you have until it is gone". Gone is my voice, my friend, my ability to share all the many words that show up in my head. It's been 14 hours since I woke up and found out that my vocal cords had decided to take some time off. Vacation? I don't know. It has been a long day without the ability to communicate with language.
There are some noises that still come out. When I cough for instance. Ironically I found that I can still say "shhhhh" which doesn't come in handy too much. I had no idea how much I have to say. It is when you can't talk that you find out how much you really wish you could talk.
It reminded me of a recent meeting I had with a person who is in a world of hurt. She is heartbroken and there is very little comfort that I had for her. Her pain is deep and the wound is at the soul level. She knows God exists but has no interest in discussing matters of the soul. So we talked and stayed at the surface level. I prayed as we spoke and asked God for wisdom on how to share Him with her. Each time I spoke of God it was almost as if you could see the words fall from my mouth right to the floor.
She didn't seem to even hear them and had ignored each opening I offered. All I could think was that I was holding this incredible treasure in my hands, right in front of her, and she could see it but did not want it. It was as if she saw it but decided there might be something better out there and if she took it she might miss a better treasure that might exist somewhere. All the time I'm thinking, "THIS IS IT! This is THE treasure you are looking for. All you have to do is accept it." But she passed on it and left.
Back to my inability to speak. There are these precious thoughts in my head, pearls of wisdom, and yet they are trapped there and I can't share them. Sometimes I can manage a few words but they come out in an almost inaudible whisper. My sweet husband works hard to hear and understand what I need. I try to remember some of the sign language I learned years ago but why. No one around me will understand the signs. I manage to say "thank you" in sign language to a kind waitress and I think she maybe knew what I was saying. This small recognition from a stranger gives me a little hope.
So I drive the car for nine hours without being able to yell when someone cuts me off. Without being able to have a conversation with my husband. Without being able to sing out loud to my favorite songs. It was a very long trip. We arrive in WI to see family. We are at the rehab center and I can't even say "hi" to my dear father-in-law who may be in the last few days of his life. My heart hurts as I can't answer the many questions family ask, "how are the kids?", "how is your precious grandchild?", and even "are you okay?".
No I am silent and listen as my husband explains I can't talk and answers the questions in words I wouldn't have used. I am sad and think about my good friend Kiersten. I see her in my minds eye looking right at me, putting a finger to her lips and saying "hmmmm".
I know that that means. That is always her way of saying, "wonder what God is teaching you here". Which I have now been asking myself for 14 hours and have found no answer. The Bible verse "be still and know that I am God" comes to mind. Well perhaps being silent is not the same as being still. Actually I would have to say it absolutely is not the same thing.
Soon I will going to bed. I wonder if speech will return to me in the morning. I pray it will.
Written Thursday evening 4/9/09
There are some noises that still come out. When I cough for instance. Ironically I found that I can still say "shhhhh" which doesn't come in handy too much. I had no idea how much I have to say. It is when you can't talk that you find out how much you really wish you could talk.
It reminded me of a recent meeting I had with a person who is in a world of hurt. She is heartbroken and there is very little comfort that I had for her. Her pain is deep and the wound is at the soul level. She knows God exists but has no interest in discussing matters of the soul. So we talked and stayed at the surface level. I prayed as we spoke and asked God for wisdom on how to share Him with her. Each time I spoke of God it was almost as if you could see the words fall from my mouth right to the floor.
She didn't seem to even hear them and had ignored each opening I offered. All I could think was that I was holding this incredible treasure in my hands, right in front of her, and she could see it but did not want it. It was as if she saw it but decided there might be something better out there and if she took it she might miss a better treasure that might exist somewhere. All the time I'm thinking, "THIS IS IT! This is THE treasure you are looking for. All you have to do is accept it." But she passed on it and left.
Back to my inability to speak. There are these precious thoughts in my head, pearls of wisdom, and yet they are trapped there and I can't share them. Sometimes I can manage a few words but they come out in an almost inaudible whisper. My sweet husband works hard to hear and understand what I need. I try to remember some of the sign language I learned years ago but why. No one around me will understand the signs. I manage to say "thank you" in sign language to a kind waitress and I think she maybe knew what I was saying. This small recognition from a stranger gives me a little hope.
So I drive the car for nine hours without being able to yell when someone cuts me off. Without being able to have a conversation with my husband. Without being able to sing out loud to my favorite songs. It was a very long trip. We arrive in WI to see family. We are at the rehab center and I can't even say "hi" to my dear father-in-law who may be in the last few days of his life. My heart hurts as I can't answer the many questions family ask, "how are the kids?", "how is your precious grandchild?", and even "are you okay?".
No I am silent and listen as my husband explains I can't talk and answers the questions in words I wouldn't have used. I am sad and think about my good friend Kiersten. I see her in my minds eye looking right at me, putting a finger to her lips and saying "hmmmm".
I know that that means. That is always her way of saying, "wonder what God is teaching you here". Which I have now been asking myself for 14 hours and have found no answer. The Bible verse "be still and know that I am God" comes to mind. Well perhaps being silent is not the same as being still. Actually I would have to say it absolutely is not the same thing.
Soon I will going to bed. I wonder if speech will return to me in the morning. I pray it will.
Written Thursday evening 4/9/09
April 3, 2009
The Tree - Easter 2009
The tree, the tree, the mysterious tree.
What does it hold for you and me?
Was Christ nailed there or just a man?
Just history or the Master's plan?
How could a tree hold such pain?
Why would God die for other's shame?
That tree, that tree, that blood stained tree.
Why would He die for you and me?
Christ left heaven and all it holds.
Left the crystal sea and streets of gold.
Heaven with angels all around.
Gone now, Christ is earthly bound.
That tree, that tree, that infamous tree.
Held our Lord for all to see.
Pain and death, they hung Him there.
Soldiers watched, didn't care.
Yet, Christ chose to stay upon that cross.
Chose to suffer and die for the lost.
Nailed to that tree is where he died.
Had power to leave but never tried.
That tree, that tree, that eternal tree.
Twas love that held him to that tree.
The tree, the tree, that wonderful tree.
Designed by God for you and me.
March 31, 2009
Attacked for doing good...
Pregnancy center work is interesting and NEVER dull. Not only do we help families facing crisis we do it under attack from others. You wouldn't think that there are those in our country that want to attack us but there are. It doesn't make sense that people would publicly state that helping women facing unintended pregnancies should be stopped. But it is happening and is about to happen on a grander scale.
Recently I attended a conference preparing us for the coming attacks that are scheduled for this year. You might think this would be scary but really it just causes me great sadness. They believe the lies they spread, and others who do not know any different will believe them too.
On Friday, February 27, 2009 Mary B. Worthington wrote an article in The Bulletin (http://thebulletin.us/articles/2009/02/27/top_stories/doc49a7d5f33eb8a931983371.txt) that states:
"In an e-mail sent to college activists, the Feminist Majority Foundation’s Campus Program announced a nationwide protest against pregnancy care centers that provide free aid and abortion alternatives for women." This protest is scheduled for Monday April 13th.
I went to the FMF's website and read some of the material they have there. Here is one paragraph of what I found: "In reality, many of these centers attempt to coerce and intimidate women out of considering abortion as an option, and prevent women from receiving neutral and comprehensive medical advice. They are typically run by anti-abortion volunteers who are not licensed medical professionals. Crisis pregnancy centers also often spread false information, such as the disproved and discredited claims that abortions increase the risk of breast cancer and frequently cause mental trauma."
Sounds convincing doesn't it. With over 2,500 pregnancy centers in our country I can't state that there isn't one out there that hasn't used the best methods to serve the women they meet. I can only share that at the center I'm involved in (and many others I've personally visited) the goal is to love her, respect her, never judge her, and give her all the information she needs to make an informed decision. We are Christian and life-affirming and we do NOT hide that fact from them. We also will NOT profit from their decision putting us in a unique position to offer them honest information on all their "choices". We have a licensed nurse on staff and a licensed medical director with years of ob/gyn experience. And I could go on but I figure anyone who has read this note this far is someone who already knows that.
So why post this? So you can be prepared to be an advocate to others who don't know the truth about pregnancy centers. Know that attacks are coming, planned, and will be specific. Someone you know will believe what they hear or read in the media. Be ready, we NEED you!
In a recent survey 80% of women who had an abortion at a clinic that states it is pro-choice said they were never given another choice. No one educated them on parenting as an option or on adoption. 80% were never given resources that exist right in their own community. Those same women also stated that had they known there was support somewhere ("anywhere"), they would have made a different choice. I believe that statistic because when we fully educate the women we see, over 80% of them decide it is in their best interest to continue their pregnancies.
What are those opposed to pregnancy centers really afraid of? Is it who we are or what we do or is it perhaps that we are making a difference in their bottom line?
So here we sit in this "he said, she said" mentality. Each side claiming the other side lies and uses deceptive practices. In these moments I am glad I'm intimately involved in this work so I can see and recognize truth. But to end where I started, I am also deeply saddened that there are individuals out there who want to close down pregnancy centers, believing we are harming women. Deeply saddened. :(
And I ask for prayers of protection for pregnancy centers all over our country. And pray for those that may not be doing everything in the most appropriate manner. Pray God brings to them volunteers and individuals to guide them and help them. But most importantly pray for the women who might get caught in this crossfire. Pray they are led to a place of truth and that their fears can be conquered and that their needs will be met. Pray if they are Christian they will rely on the ONE who can help them. Pray if they are not Christian that God will direct their hearts to Him. The only One who can give them the truth they really need. For this I will NOT apologize, and if I am accused of sharing Christ with someone then I stand ready to face that accusation. AMEN
Recently I attended a conference preparing us for the coming attacks that are scheduled for this year. You might think this would be scary but really it just causes me great sadness. They believe the lies they spread, and others who do not know any different will believe them too.
On Friday, February 27, 2009 Mary B. Worthington wrote an article in The Bulletin (http://thebulletin.us/articles/2009/02/27/top_stories/doc49a7d5f33eb8a931983371.txt) that states:
"In an e-mail sent to college activists, the Feminist Majority Foundation’s Campus Program announced a nationwide protest against pregnancy care centers that provide free aid and abortion alternatives for women." This protest is scheduled for Monday April 13th.
I went to the FMF's website and read some of the material they have there. Here is one paragraph of what I found: "In reality, many of these centers attempt to coerce and intimidate women out of considering abortion as an option, and prevent women from receiving neutral and comprehensive medical advice. They are typically run by anti-abortion volunteers who are not licensed medical professionals. Crisis pregnancy centers also often spread false information, such as the disproved and discredited claims that abortions increase the risk of breast cancer and frequently cause mental trauma."
Sounds convincing doesn't it. With over 2,500 pregnancy centers in our country I can't state that there isn't one out there that hasn't used the best methods to serve the women they meet. I can only share that at the center I'm involved in (and many others I've personally visited) the goal is to love her, respect her, never judge her, and give her all the information she needs to make an informed decision. We are Christian and life-affirming and we do NOT hide that fact from them. We also will NOT profit from their decision putting us in a unique position to offer them honest information on all their "choices". We have a licensed nurse on staff and a licensed medical director with years of ob/gyn experience. And I could go on but I figure anyone who has read this note this far is someone who already knows that.
So why post this? So you can be prepared to be an advocate to others who don't know the truth about pregnancy centers. Know that attacks are coming, planned, and will be specific. Someone you know will believe what they hear or read in the media. Be ready, we NEED you!
In a recent survey 80% of women who had an abortion at a clinic that states it is pro-choice said they were never given another choice. No one educated them on parenting as an option or on adoption. 80% were never given resources that exist right in their own community. Those same women also stated that had they known there was support somewhere ("anywhere"), they would have made a different choice. I believe that statistic because when we fully educate the women we see, over 80% of them decide it is in their best interest to continue their pregnancies.
What are those opposed to pregnancy centers really afraid of? Is it who we are or what we do or is it perhaps that we are making a difference in their bottom line?
So here we sit in this "he said, she said" mentality. Each side claiming the other side lies and uses deceptive practices. In these moments I am glad I'm intimately involved in this work so I can see and recognize truth. But to end where I started, I am also deeply saddened that there are individuals out there who want to close down pregnancy centers, believing we are harming women. Deeply saddened. :(
And I ask for prayers of protection for pregnancy centers all over our country. And pray for those that may not be doing everything in the most appropriate manner. Pray God brings to them volunteers and individuals to guide them and help them. But most importantly pray for the women who might get caught in this crossfire. Pray they are led to a place of truth and that their fears can be conquered and that their needs will be met. Pray if they are Christian they will rely on the ONE who can help them. Pray if they are not Christian that God will direct their hearts to Him. The only One who can give them the truth they really need. For this I will NOT apologize, and if I am accused of sharing Christ with someone then I stand ready to face that accusation. AMEN
March 13, 2009
How uuuuu doin'?
So I get asked this question a lot. Most of the time it is just a form of saying hi. But there are a few people who, when they ask, you know they are really looking for you to answer it. Well, just yesterday someone asked me "How are you doing?" and I replied that I'd have to think about how to best answer that question.
I thought and thought and here is what I came up with:
Have you seen pictures of that new tourist attraction over the Grand Canyon? It's a glass (floor and all) walkway shaped like a horseshoe and it goes straight out over the Grand Canyon.
I picture myself there. I'm the only tourist around. The walkway is completely glass, no support beams at all. I'm standing right at the edge of solid ground about to walk out on it when I just stop and look around. The beauty is breathtaking. I almost feel like falling on my knees to praise God for his handiwork when I realize how immaculate the glass walkway is. Really! It almost looks invisible because it is so perfectly clean and free of any cracks at all. I think to myself, "how'd they do that?" but don't really seek an answer to the question.
I decide it is time to walk out on the glass when an employee tells me to have a good time and adds almost as an after thought, "Oh, by they way, not all the glass panes might be in place."
Now, a sane person would probably stop and say "WHAT???"; I however decide to go for the walk. Each time I put my foot down I don't know if it will land on solid glass or thin air. Will I survive to take another step or plummet to my death?
That's how I'm doing.
I shared this word picture with my husband when he asked that same question. He is one of those in my life that really wants an answer when he asks it. After I told him how I was doing he looked at me and with a slight little grin said, "Put some pebbles in your pocket and toss them out in front of you before you take the next step."
What a guy! And, what wisdom! May your day be filled with adventure and challenges. May you not be given more than you can handle. And if you are, may you have pebbles in your pocket to keep you safe. :)
Grand Canyon Skywalk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvzlZuWrJNw
I thought and thought and here is what I came up with:
Have you seen pictures of that new tourist attraction over the Grand Canyon? It's a glass (floor and all) walkway shaped like a horseshoe and it goes straight out over the Grand Canyon.
I picture myself there. I'm the only tourist around. The walkway is completely glass, no support beams at all. I'm standing right at the edge of solid ground about to walk out on it when I just stop and look around. The beauty is breathtaking. I almost feel like falling on my knees to praise God for his handiwork when I realize how immaculate the glass walkway is. Really! It almost looks invisible because it is so perfectly clean and free of any cracks at all. I think to myself, "how'd they do that?" but don't really seek an answer to the question.
I decide it is time to walk out on the glass when an employee tells me to have a good time and adds almost as an after thought, "Oh, by they way, not all the glass panes might be in place."
Now, a sane person would probably stop and say "WHAT???"; I however decide to go for the walk. Each time I put my foot down I don't know if it will land on solid glass or thin air. Will I survive to take another step or plummet to my death?
That's how I'm doing.
I shared this word picture with my husband when he asked that same question. He is one of those in my life that really wants an answer when he asks it. After I told him how I was doing he looked at me and with a slight little grin said, "Put some pebbles in your pocket and toss them out in front of you before you take the next step."
What a guy! And, what wisdom! May your day be filled with adventure and challenges. May you not be given more than you can handle. And if you are, may you have pebbles in your pocket to keep you safe. :)
Grand Canyon Skywalk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvzlZuWrJNw
March 3, 2009
The enemy within
What is this melancholy mood that has taken over me? Where did it bubble up from? Why can't I focus on the work in front of me?
It was sudden and unexpected. I went to lunch with some old friends and had a great time. Gone for a little over an hour I come back to my desk with more on it than when I left. The red message light on my phone annoys me and I can't seem to find the energy to read the many unread emails in my inbox.
I think of all there is to do and am frozen by the vast amount of work that exists. What is first? What is second? What is last? Last is the most important because I know I will never get to it.
But that isn't where this sadness is from. I go to the internet to listen to my favorite Christian radio station and I can't "connect". The "server is busy, try again later". LATER? But I need it now. I try my second favorite radio station and the website so complicated that I get sick of following the instructions that say "click here to listen online".
What is this consuming desire to hear Christian music? It stems for this deep need that took over my day to be near to God. But why and why so suddenly? I have this overwhelming need to walk out the front door and just keep walking. But where would I go? Then I remember being at the hospital last week and hearing the desperate cry of a mom whose only child was dying. She said she just felt like running away. She just felt like she needed to run and run and run. No plan, no direction, just run. I remember hearing a another woman express this feeling the same way when she was going through an impossible situation. But why do I feel like this right now? Are the events of the past week catching up to me?
I don't know but my phone rang and reality hits hard. This short introspective break must end. Duty calls.
It was sudden and unexpected. I went to lunch with some old friends and had a great time. Gone for a little over an hour I come back to my desk with more on it than when I left. The red message light on my phone annoys me and I can't seem to find the energy to read the many unread emails in my inbox.
I think of all there is to do and am frozen by the vast amount of work that exists. What is first? What is second? What is last? Last is the most important because I know I will never get to it.
But that isn't where this sadness is from. I go to the internet to listen to my favorite Christian radio station and I can't "connect". The "server is busy, try again later". LATER? But I need it now. I try my second favorite radio station and the website so complicated that I get sick of following the instructions that say "click here to listen online".
What is this consuming desire to hear Christian music? It stems for this deep need that took over my day to be near to God. But why and why so suddenly? I have this overwhelming need to walk out the front door and just keep walking. But where would I go? Then I remember being at the hospital last week and hearing the desperate cry of a mom whose only child was dying. She said she just felt like running away. She just felt like she needed to run and run and run. No plan, no direction, just run. I remember hearing a another woman express this feeling the same way when she was going through an impossible situation. But why do I feel like this right now? Are the events of the past week catching up to me?
I don't know but my phone rang and reality hits hard. This short introspective break must end. Duty calls.
February 28, 2009
Don't cry for me
It typically isn't good when the caller on the other end of the phone line is crying before you even say "hello."
This call was no exception to that rule. The young single mom called to ask for prayer. The day before, her 2 year old had a terrible accident and she was at the hospital with him. His condition was critical and the prognosis was grim. The next three days were a blur of emotions and ceaseless prayer as everyone was praying for a "Lazarus size" miracle for this little boy. I remembered this mom sharing her story about the difficult pregnancy she had with him. She was gravely ill and almost lost her own life. Medical personnel suggested she terminate the pregnancy due to their concern for her health. She said she just couldn't do that and continued the pregnancy despite the risks. Her son was born, and up until a few days ago, had been healthy.
Now he lay in intensive care. His tiny two year old body hooked up to more things than one can imagine. Constant care given by the medical personnel who skillfully watched over him. Every conversation with mom included her saying, "I'll never give up hope. I know God can do a miracle. I can't leave him. I can't bear the thought of leaving this hospital without him." She prayed and begged God to bring him back. She said "Take my legs, my arms, anything, just don't take him." Again, others witness the depth of her love for her son.
Test after test brought back more bad news. Occasionally there was a small sign that maybe he would come back to her. Hundreds, if not, thousands of people were praying for him all over the world. But it was not meant to be. Stopping in to visit her, and bring mom some items she needed, I expected it to be just like the other visits. But as I approached she said "he's gone". I held her as she cried. Then after a short while I left as "they" (nurses and doctors) were waiting for her. "There were so many things to be done."
I went down to the lobby and made a few calls. I sat in a lobby chair by the window and realized I didn't know what to do. Leaving somehow felt so final. So I just sat there and quietly cried for about an hour. On the drive home I thought about the emotions over the past three and half days. I silently worry if mom will make it through this. I can not even begin to imagine the depth of her grief.
As I drove I thought about all the people that had been praying for her little boy. Then I noticed a car in front of me with a bumper sticker that read: "Keep abortion legal". It was old and faded, revealing the fact that it had been on the car for a long time. I wondered if the owner of that bumper sticker would have been pulling for this two year old to make it or not. After all, his mom was young, single, and often had difficult struggles. Would that person had seen him as a burden? Having known this little boy his entire life, even when he was living in his mother's womb, I just can't imagine the world without him. Then or now.
And it was in that moment that I remembered having read that we average 3,600 abortions a day in the U.S.
I did the math. For the 3.5 days this precious little one had been in the hospital struggling to live; 12,600 other babies died before they even had a chance to be born. Watching this mom carry a grief that is unbearable for her son, I began to also cry for all those babies that died during the week through the hands of an abortionist. I wondered when and if their moms would one day grieve their loss. Some will. Some may not be able to deal with it and may fall victim to suicide. And what about a country that allows innocent lives to die without even a thought of who they might have been? 3,600 A DAY! Dead.
It seems to me that God has put governments and authorities in place to protect the people. All of them. Especially the weak and defenseless. Will God continue to bless a country or a government if that country/government will not even attempt to protect all its citizens? Or are we not citizens of this country if we have not moved a few inches down the birth canal yet? Do we not count because while in the womb we do not have a voice? Then when and where does that logic stop?
Think about this: if you sit down with a 5 year old, or a 10 year old for that matter, and explain to them how babies begin; how they grow in their mother's womb for 9 months before they are born. Then you tell that child that if the baby's mother wants to she can prevent the baby from ever being born. And you share with the child the process involved to make sure the baby is not born. (Most adults refuse to listen to exactly what has to be done during an abortion procedure.) That child will be horrified. They would not see the logic in what they just heard. Maybe because their isn't any. I don't want to downplay the difficult challenges there are in unplanned pregnancies, this post is not about that. No, I know that there are some who will read this who believe abortion should be legal. What I want to do with this is post is to challenge that notion. Why should it be legal?
Why should we ignore the fact of "what" is really in the womb? What are we teaching each new generation? That motherhood is disposable? That motherhood is not to be valued, well at least not all the time? That the person in the womb really isn't a person? Really? There is NO medical or scientific evidence to prove that. Wake up America. Please, before it's too late. Wake up America and research the abortion industry. Abortions range from $400 to $3,000. There are 1.2 million abortions a year. You do the math. (Side note: abortionists require payment in advance.) Follow the money and you will begin to see why so many want to ensure abortion on demand through the entire 9 months of pregnancy is protected, while life in the womb is NOT.
Stop talking to me about the rare and very sad cases of rape and incest. Stop talking to me about even rarer times when a woman's life is in danger. Stop talking to me about how you believe abortion should never be used as a form a birth control. Wake up America!!! Abortion is always birth control. The only thing abortion is designed to do is to prevent a live birth. That's it.
I will always remember the example that the mom above is to all of us. Moms are uniquely designed by their Creator to protect their children, at all costs. Moms are not meant to outlive them. I pray that I will never live longer than my children or my grandchildren. I pray that God will hold the heart of this mom who lost her son in the palm of His hands and walk closely with her as she walks in the valley of the death of her son. And I pray she will again someday find a reason to live.
Don't cry for me, I'm no longer here.
Cry for my mother who still needs me near.
Don't cry for me, I'm where angels fly.
Cry for my country, where so many babies die.
Don't cry for me, for I have been loved.
Cry for the ones that die unloved.
Don't cry for me, my death had no cost.
Cry for our land where motherhood's lost.
Don't cry for me, weep for the others.
Cry for their fathers, cry for their mothers.
Cry for a country where babies are discarded.
Cry that our laws will protect the downhearted.
And when the cryings all done then look to the Lord.
Ask, "what can I do?" and go change the world!
"For I created your inmost being;
I knit you together in your mother's womb." - GOD
This call was no exception to that rule. The young single mom called to ask for prayer. The day before, her 2 year old had a terrible accident and she was at the hospital with him. His condition was critical and the prognosis was grim. The next three days were a blur of emotions and ceaseless prayer as everyone was praying for a "Lazarus size" miracle for this little boy. I remembered this mom sharing her story about the difficult pregnancy she had with him. She was gravely ill and almost lost her own life. Medical personnel suggested she terminate the pregnancy due to their concern for her health. She said she just couldn't do that and continued the pregnancy despite the risks. Her son was born, and up until a few days ago, had been healthy.
Now he lay in intensive care. His tiny two year old body hooked up to more things than one can imagine. Constant care given by the medical personnel who skillfully watched over him. Every conversation with mom included her saying, "I'll never give up hope. I know God can do a miracle. I can't leave him. I can't bear the thought of leaving this hospital without him." She prayed and begged God to bring him back. She said "Take my legs, my arms, anything, just don't take him." Again, others witness the depth of her love for her son.
Test after test brought back more bad news. Occasionally there was a small sign that maybe he would come back to her. Hundreds, if not, thousands of people were praying for him all over the world. But it was not meant to be. Stopping in to visit her, and bring mom some items she needed, I expected it to be just like the other visits. But as I approached she said "he's gone". I held her as she cried. Then after a short while I left as "they" (nurses and doctors) were waiting for her. "There were so many things to be done."
I went down to the lobby and made a few calls. I sat in a lobby chair by the window and realized I didn't know what to do. Leaving somehow felt so final. So I just sat there and quietly cried for about an hour. On the drive home I thought about the emotions over the past three and half days. I silently worry if mom will make it through this. I can not even begin to imagine the depth of her grief.
As I drove I thought about all the people that had been praying for her little boy. Then I noticed a car in front of me with a bumper sticker that read: "Keep abortion legal". It was old and faded, revealing the fact that it had been on the car for a long time. I wondered if the owner of that bumper sticker would have been pulling for this two year old to make it or not. After all, his mom was young, single, and often had difficult struggles. Would that person had seen him as a burden? Having known this little boy his entire life, even when he was living in his mother's womb, I just can't imagine the world without him. Then or now.
And it was in that moment that I remembered having read that we average 3,600 abortions a day in the U.S.
I did the math. For the 3.5 days this precious little one had been in the hospital struggling to live; 12,600 other babies died before they even had a chance to be born. Watching this mom carry a grief that is unbearable for her son, I began to also cry for all those babies that died during the week through the hands of an abortionist. I wondered when and if their moms would one day grieve their loss. Some will. Some may not be able to deal with it and may fall victim to suicide. And what about a country that allows innocent lives to die without even a thought of who they might have been? 3,600 A DAY! Dead.
It seems to me that God has put governments and authorities in place to protect the people. All of them. Especially the weak and defenseless. Will God continue to bless a country or a government if that country/government will not even attempt to protect all its citizens? Or are we not citizens of this country if we have not moved a few inches down the birth canal yet? Do we not count because while in the womb we do not have a voice? Then when and where does that logic stop?
Think about this: if you sit down with a 5 year old, or a 10 year old for that matter, and explain to them how babies begin; how they grow in their mother's womb for 9 months before they are born. Then you tell that child that if the baby's mother wants to she can prevent the baby from ever being born. And you share with the child the process involved to make sure the baby is not born. (Most adults refuse to listen to exactly what has to be done during an abortion procedure.) That child will be horrified. They would not see the logic in what they just heard. Maybe because their isn't any. I don't want to downplay the difficult challenges there are in unplanned pregnancies, this post is not about that. No, I know that there are some who will read this who believe abortion should be legal. What I want to do with this is post is to challenge that notion. Why should it be legal?
Why should we ignore the fact of "what" is really in the womb? What are we teaching each new generation? That motherhood is disposable? That motherhood is not to be valued, well at least not all the time? That the person in the womb really isn't a person? Really? There is NO medical or scientific evidence to prove that. Wake up America. Please, before it's too late. Wake up America and research the abortion industry. Abortions range from $400 to $3,000. There are 1.2 million abortions a year. You do the math. (Side note: abortionists require payment in advance.) Follow the money and you will begin to see why so many want to ensure abortion on demand through the entire 9 months of pregnancy is protected, while life in the womb is NOT.
Stop talking to me about the rare and very sad cases of rape and incest. Stop talking to me about even rarer times when a woman's life is in danger. Stop talking to me about how you believe abortion should never be used as a form a birth control. Wake up America!!! Abortion is always birth control. The only thing abortion is designed to do is to prevent a live birth. That's it.
I will always remember the example that the mom above is to all of us. Moms are uniquely designed by their Creator to protect their children, at all costs. Moms are not meant to outlive them. I pray that I will never live longer than my children or my grandchildren. I pray that God will hold the heart of this mom who lost her son in the palm of His hands and walk closely with her as she walks in the valley of the death of her son. And I pray she will again someday find a reason to live.
Don't cry for me, I'm no longer here.
Cry for my mother who still needs me near.
Don't cry for me, I'm where angels fly.
Cry for my country, where so many babies die.
Don't cry for me, for I have been loved.
Cry for the ones that die unloved.
Don't cry for me, my death had no cost.
Cry for our land where motherhood's lost.
Don't cry for me, weep for the others.
Cry for their fathers, cry for their mothers.
Cry for a country where babies are discarded.
Cry that our laws will protect the downhearted.
And when the cryings all done then look to the Lord.
Ask, "what can I do?" and go change the world!
"For I created your inmost being;
I knit you together in your mother's womb." - GOD
February 7, 2009
Post about nothing
I really feel like posting in my blog this morning but don't feel like I have anything of value to say today.
My poor husband. Imagine how he must feel since he will have to spend the entire day with me in this mood of nothing of value to say but still the desire to talk. I remember a family vacation as a child. It was an 8 hour trip and when we got there my mom said quietly to my dad, "Thank goodness we're here, she didn't shut up once the entire time."
That's the mood I'm in.
I did a Bible study recently that included journaling and was required to write in my journal for 20 minutes without stopping to think about what I was writing. At first it was hard but once I started it was like thoughts just kept pouring out. Some of them really surprised me. I had no idea that so many thoughts just float around in my head creeping into my personality that I don't really think about or invite into the process.
I little scary if you ask me. But taking that time to write that way helped me to consider the things I think about. To identify them and to let them out. I'd encourage others to try this. You might be surprised by what you find.
My poor husband. Imagine how he must feel since he will have to spend the entire day with me in this mood of nothing of value to say but still the desire to talk. I remember a family vacation as a child. It was an 8 hour trip and when we got there my mom said quietly to my dad, "Thank goodness we're here, she didn't shut up once the entire time."
That's the mood I'm in.
I did a Bible study recently that included journaling and was required to write in my journal for 20 minutes without stopping to think about what I was writing. At first it was hard but once I started it was like thoughts just kept pouring out. Some of them really surprised me. I had no idea that so many thoughts just float around in my head creeping into my personality that I don't really think about or invite into the process.
I little scary if you ask me. But taking that time to write that way helped me to consider the things I think about. To identify them and to let them out. I'd encourage others to try this. You might be surprised by what you find.
January 26, 2009
Lions
I expect that some will read this post and just walk away scratching their heads. I have even thought about not posting this entry and just keeping it in my head. But it won't let me go, so...I feel compelled to let it go.
Today was one of those red letter days that can only happen when you work full-time in a pregnancy center. It never escapes my notice that this is a ministry of high highs and low lows. I guess when you stand in the gap between life and death you should expect there to be some bumps in the road. I do know that some don't view this work as standing in the gap between life and death. No they view it as the gap between a woman's right to do what she wants with her body and other people trying to get in her business. Sometimes I tire of that debate. For me, it is life or death. That's it. Not that that makes it simple, the issues that bring women to our center are never simple. But inside her womb is life and it will either be allowed to continue or it will not.
As a Christian I understand that God is the author of life and that there is an enemy that is against anything God is for. So for me I understand that there is a spiritual battle to this work. The Bible is not silent on this topic. Today something happened that made that part of the fight far to real.
I left early due to some errands I had to run but couldn't shake the events of the day. I called a dear friend who stopped what she was doing and prayed for me as I drove to my first stop. As she prayed I reflected on the evil I had felt earlier and she prayed about satan being a gnat in my ear trying to distract and all I could think of was this is no tiny gnat. It felt like a lion, and the Bible verse that speaks of satan being like a lion roaming the earth seeking who he can devour began to come to my mind. At the same time my thoughts turn to Aslan of Narnia. It was just a few seconds after these thoughts that I heard my friend's voice on the phone include in her prayer Aslan and Lucy (she does great word pictures). It was about this time that I arrived at my first stop and was able to park my car. I allowed my friend's prayer to wash over me with truth and calm yet it was hard to ignore the darkness of the day.
We said Amen and then goodbye and I thanked this dear sister in the Lord for her time and prayer. I went into the store and it felt like I had walked right into the arms of God. It was a Christian Bookstore and every sight and every sound reminded me of my Lord. Then as I walked by an end-cap I noticed a book with a picture of Aslan from Narnia on it. My soul smiled even if I couldn't.
Back in my car the image of satan prowling the earth like a lion came back to my mind. But this time the lion came face to face with another Lion. The two stared into each others eyes and they looked almost identical. Then the Lion roared. If it were real I imagined it would be a roar so loud that my ears would ring for hours or maybe even cause me to go deaf. While the Lion roared the other lion suddenly looked completely different. It was smaller and weak, skin and bones, no fight in him, he just hung his head and looked pathetic.
I am strengthened by the prayer of a dear friend and the thought of my God standing in the gap with me. The Lion of Judah. The song I've heard so many times surrounds me with great comfort in this moment, "If my God is for me, who can be against me."
I will get up tomorrow and walk by faith that God will equip me for the battle; whatever that might be. That nothing escapes His notice or happens without His knowledge. And that it is God who has placed me in this fight; to stand for truth, to love those many would not, to cry when tears are all there are, and to protect the most unprotected people group in this nation - the unborn.
Today was one of those red letter days that can only happen when you work full-time in a pregnancy center. It never escapes my notice that this is a ministry of high highs and low lows. I guess when you stand in the gap between life and death you should expect there to be some bumps in the road. I do know that some don't view this work as standing in the gap between life and death. No they view it as the gap between a woman's right to do what she wants with her body and other people trying to get in her business. Sometimes I tire of that debate. For me, it is life or death. That's it. Not that that makes it simple, the issues that bring women to our center are never simple. But inside her womb is life and it will either be allowed to continue or it will not.
As a Christian I understand that God is the author of life and that there is an enemy that is against anything God is for. So for me I understand that there is a spiritual battle to this work. The Bible is not silent on this topic. Today something happened that made that part of the fight far to real.
I left early due to some errands I had to run but couldn't shake the events of the day. I called a dear friend who stopped what she was doing and prayed for me as I drove to my first stop. As she prayed I reflected on the evil I had felt earlier and she prayed about satan being a gnat in my ear trying to distract and all I could think of was this is no tiny gnat. It felt like a lion, and the Bible verse that speaks of satan being like a lion roaming the earth seeking who he can devour began to come to my mind. At the same time my thoughts turn to Aslan of Narnia. It was just a few seconds after these thoughts that I heard my friend's voice on the phone include in her prayer Aslan and Lucy (she does great word pictures). It was about this time that I arrived at my first stop and was able to park my car. I allowed my friend's prayer to wash over me with truth and calm yet it was hard to ignore the darkness of the day.
We said Amen and then goodbye and I thanked this dear sister in the Lord for her time and prayer. I went into the store and it felt like I had walked right into the arms of God. It was a Christian Bookstore and every sight and every sound reminded me of my Lord. Then as I walked by an end-cap I noticed a book with a picture of Aslan from Narnia on it. My soul smiled even if I couldn't.
Back in my car the image of satan prowling the earth like a lion came back to my mind. But this time the lion came face to face with another Lion. The two stared into each others eyes and they looked almost identical. Then the Lion roared. If it were real I imagined it would be a roar so loud that my ears would ring for hours or maybe even cause me to go deaf. While the Lion roared the other lion suddenly looked completely different. It was smaller and weak, skin and bones, no fight in him, he just hung his head and looked pathetic.
I am strengthened by the prayer of a dear friend and the thought of my God standing in the gap with me. The Lion of Judah. The song I've heard so many times surrounds me with great comfort in this moment, "If my God is for me, who can be against me."
I will get up tomorrow and walk by faith that God will equip me for the battle; whatever that might be. That nothing escapes His notice or happens without His knowledge. And that it is God who has placed me in this fight; to stand for truth, to love those many would not, to cry when tears are all there are, and to protect the most unprotected people group in this nation - the unborn.
January 3, 2009
Evacuation Update
Well we went back to Town Center and learned that there was a bomb threat yesterday when we were there which is why they made us all leave. So I guess going to the parking lot and not staying close to the buildings was the best thing to do.
The good news is I got those black pants I wanted! And even more stuff as many of the stores had really good clearance sales going on. Especially NY&C! Very good deals there! Wow, like things were $3.99 and up. Then there were a few stores that are "closing" so I had check out the deals in those stores too.
Needless to say Gary came back home very tired following me around and had to take a nap. I went back out and shopped at Target where I found even more good sales. I'd love to tell you I saved a lot of money today, which I did, but I also spent money. How's that saying go "you have to spend money to save money"? Hee hee.
The good news is I got those black pants I wanted! And even more stuff as many of the stores had really good clearance sales going on. Especially NY&C! Very good deals there! Wow, like things were $3.99 and up. Then there were a few stores that are "closing" so I had check out the deals in those stores too.
Needless to say Gary came back home very tired following me around and had to take a nap. I went back out and shopped at Target where I found even more good sales. I'd love to tell you I saved a lot of money today, which I did, but I also spent money. How's that saying go "you have to spend money to save money"? Hee hee.
January 2, 2009
EMERGENCY EVACUATION!
So Gary and I are having a good time shopping at a center we seldom go to. Town Center is a good outdoor shopping mall but for some reason we don't go there often even though it is closest to our home.
Today we were finding GREAT bargains and I was very excited because we had just gotten to a store where I had hope I might find nice black dress pants that actually fit. AND they were on sale! I was about to go in the dressing room when I noticed someone walking around store telling people to leave. I thought it was a customer at first and then she said "This is an emergency evacuation. Everyone MUST leave RIGHT now. The entire mall is being evacuated and you have to leave now."
Quickly I found my husband, put down the pants I had hoped to try on, and we headed to the front door with the dozens of other shoppers in this store. As we waited to get out I wondered what the "emergency" was. Was it safe to go out into the parking lot not knowing what was going on? I had no idea but we were given no other choice.
So we headed out and immediately saw that many other stores must have told their shoppers to leave before our store did. The parking lot was grid locked. I was glad to see no one panicking but I still had no idea if there was danger anywhere and what was the best thing to do? Should we walk out away from the building and cross the parking lot to get to our car? Should we stay close to the buildings? Where was the danger? What was the danger?
We chose to move away from the building in case there was a gunman or a bomb threat. We felt we had more choices if we needed to move fast. Looking down the lot in the opposite direction of where we were headed we could see lots of emergency vehicles but they were too far away for us to guess what might be the problem.
We got to our car and fortunately I knew my way around the parking lot and we left quickly and without incident. But I'm still left wondering what the emergency was and was sending us to the parking lot the right thing to do? I may never find out.
Or maybe I will when I go back tomorrow to try on those pants!!!!!
Today we were finding GREAT bargains and I was very excited because we had just gotten to a store where I had hope I might find nice black dress pants that actually fit. AND they were on sale! I was about to go in the dressing room when I noticed someone walking around store telling people to leave. I thought it was a customer at first and then she said "This is an emergency evacuation. Everyone MUST leave RIGHT now. The entire mall is being evacuated and you have to leave now."
Quickly I found my husband, put down the pants I had hoped to try on, and we headed to the front door with the dozens of other shoppers in this store. As we waited to get out I wondered what the "emergency" was. Was it safe to go out into the parking lot not knowing what was going on? I had no idea but we were given no other choice.
So we headed out and immediately saw that many other stores must have told their shoppers to leave before our store did. The parking lot was grid locked. I was glad to see no one panicking but I still had no idea if there was danger anywhere and what was the best thing to do? Should we walk out away from the building and cross the parking lot to get to our car? Should we stay close to the buildings? Where was the danger? What was the danger?
We chose to move away from the building in case there was a gunman or a bomb threat. We felt we had more choices if we needed to move fast. Looking down the lot in the opposite direction of where we were headed we could see lots of emergency vehicles but they were too far away for us to guess what might be the problem.
We got to our car and fortunately I knew my way around the parking lot and we left quickly and without incident. But I'm still left wondering what the emergency was and was sending us to the parking lot the right thing to do? I may never find out.
Or maybe I will when I go back tomorrow to try on those pants!!!!!
January 1, 2009
New Year's R________
Okay, so I'm not real big on resolutions. Mostly because it has become so commercialized. But every year I do tend to have a theme. One that I hope promotes growth and knowledge and some years it is just for fun. This year Gary and I have said that we are resolved to cook more at home and even try to cook one new meal a week, something we haven't made before.
Last year my theme was to understand more deeply what it means to be fully surrendered to God. I sang the song "I surrender all" and I began to wonder what exactly am I committing to. I knew I was singing the words with all my heart but I wasn't sure I fully understood what it was I was offering to the Lord. Let me tell you this was not an easy year for learning this lesson and it took me down a path I was not expecting.
What God taught me or reminded me was that to be fully surrendered to Him meant that I needed to be fully vulnerable to Him. And these are not lessons I learn easily so there were some tough ones over the past twelve months. I did my best to endure through the lessons and found that as I allowed myself to be fully vulnerable to God that there was a new dependence on Him that resulted. And in those deep moments of udder dependence I learned a new level of trusting Him to use it all for His glory. Some endings to these lessons are not known yet but I am trusting that God is in control of it all. And I understand better that through my giving up of my control over things and giving it to God that I grow closer to surrendering it all to Him. Besides, it all really belongs to Him anyways.
I'm glad 2008 is over and as I began to wonder what my theme for 2009 would be I must admit I was a bit scared. Then I noticed a theme beginning to develop in December and now I know what my area of concentration for 2009 will be. A few years back I journaled all year with the first sentence being "A saw God today". Well, this year I plan to do that same thing only the first sentence for each journal entry will begin with "I experienced God today when...".
Today during my quiet time and time for reflection I wondered what God will show me in 2009. I picked up an old book that I read every once in a while about strong women with tender hearts. I come from generations of strong women and for the longest time I never saw past their strength to the tenderness of their hearts. Anyway, in the book it talked about our walk with the Lord and I began to think about the fact that with my current heel issues I won't be having my walks with God like I had in the past.
Then I thought that perhaps this is a blessing and part of my journey. God wants to show me those special times are not reserved for those few moments out on the path during a long walk. No, that is kind of like saying I go to church on Sunday and then never spend anytime praying or in His word the rest of the week. I need to learn to experience God all the time, not just during "my" walks. He walks with me even when I forget He is there.
So perhaps this year my blog entries will have bits and pieces about this year's theme as I am open to what God wants me to experience in 2009. I pray you too will consider how God plans to grow, teach, and change you in the coming year. Through good times and bad times. Through trials and through victories. Look for the Lord in all you do, He is there.
God even gave me a jump start last month when I got to hold my grandson in my arms. I thought about how unique this little person is and how God planned for him to be born now to the parents God specifically chose for him. He, Linus Clayton Gosa, never existed before in all of human history and will never exist again. This is it, this is the time God planned for him. I thought about the family legacies that he comes from. Gary and I spent time thinking about Linus and his parents and his grandparents and his great-grandparents and knew that God has a plan and a purpose for his life. We knew that all these things weave together to make him unique and special. Special to us and special to God.We shared with Kevin and Laura the things God put on our hearts and together we prayed for Linus and I knew we experienced a special moment in the presence of God.
The night before we left I held Linus in my arms with Gary right next to me and thought about how much we loved him. I thought about how I would do anything for this little guy, including give my life to protect him. And I looked at my husband and knew he felt the same way. Then I whispered in my husbands ear about the things I was feeling and together we knew that our love for Linus is nothing compared to how much God loves him. Our love is so deep and strong for this little guy who is just sweet and innocent and I knew I experienced God when I realized that His love for me, and for you, is so much more than that. And, most of us - no - ALL of us are not as sweet and innocent as a two week old newborn baby. Yet, God loves us anyway with a love that motivated Him to send His one and only Son to die for us. Amazing grace, is just that...amazing!
Last year my theme was to understand more deeply what it means to be fully surrendered to God. I sang the song "I surrender all" and I began to wonder what exactly am I committing to. I knew I was singing the words with all my heart but I wasn't sure I fully understood what it was I was offering to the Lord. Let me tell you this was not an easy year for learning this lesson and it took me down a path I was not expecting.
What God taught me or reminded me was that to be fully surrendered to Him meant that I needed to be fully vulnerable to Him. And these are not lessons I learn easily so there were some tough ones over the past twelve months. I did my best to endure through the lessons and found that as I allowed myself to be fully vulnerable to God that there was a new dependence on Him that resulted. And in those deep moments of udder dependence I learned a new level of trusting Him to use it all for His glory. Some endings to these lessons are not known yet but I am trusting that God is in control of it all. And I understand better that through my giving up of my control over things and giving it to God that I grow closer to surrendering it all to Him. Besides, it all really belongs to Him anyways.
I'm glad 2008 is over and as I began to wonder what my theme for 2009 would be I must admit I was a bit scared. Then I noticed a theme beginning to develop in December and now I know what my area of concentration for 2009 will be. A few years back I journaled all year with the first sentence being "A saw God today". Well, this year I plan to do that same thing only the first sentence for each journal entry will begin with "I experienced God today when...".
Today during my quiet time and time for reflection I wondered what God will show me in 2009. I picked up an old book that I read every once in a while about strong women with tender hearts. I come from generations of strong women and for the longest time I never saw past their strength to the tenderness of their hearts. Anyway, in the book it talked about our walk with the Lord and I began to think about the fact that with my current heel issues I won't be having my walks with God like I had in the past.
Then I thought that perhaps this is a blessing and part of my journey. God wants to show me those special times are not reserved for those few moments out on the path during a long walk. No, that is kind of like saying I go to church on Sunday and then never spend anytime praying or in His word the rest of the week. I need to learn to experience God all the time, not just during "my" walks. He walks with me even when I forget He is there.
So perhaps this year my blog entries will have bits and pieces about this year's theme as I am open to what God wants me to experience in 2009. I pray you too will consider how God plans to grow, teach, and change you in the coming year. Through good times and bad times. Through trials and through victories. Look for the Lord in all you do, He is there.
God even gave me a jump start last month when I got to hold my grandson in my arms. I thought about how unique this little person is and how God planned for him to be born now to the parents God specifically chose for him. He, Linus Clayton Gosa, never existed before in all of human history and will never exist again. This is it, this is the time God planned for him. I thought about the family legacies that he comes from. Gary and I spent time thinking about Linus and his parents and his grandparents and his great-grandparents and knew that God has a plan and a purpose for his life. We knew that all these things weave together to make him unique and special. Special to us and special to God.We shared with Kevin and Laura the things God put on our hearts and together we prayed for Linus and I knew we experienced a special moment in the presence of God.
The night before we left I held Linus in my arms with Gary right next to me and thought about how much we loved him. I thought about how I would do anything for this little guy, including give my life to protect him. And I looked at my husband and knew he felt the same way. Then I whispered in my husbands ear about the things I was feeling and together we knew that our love for Linus is nothing compared to how much God loves him. Our love is so deep and strong for this little guy who is just sweet and innocent and I knew I experienced God when I realized that His love for me, and for you, is so much more than that. And, most of us - no - ALL of us are not as sweet and innocent as a two week old newborn baby. Yet, God loves us anyway with a love that motivated Him to send His one and only Son to die for us. Amazing grace, is just that...amazing!
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