3AM

"I saw 3 AM again" is part of a line in a song I hear on the radio now and then. It speaks to seeing it for all the wrong reasons.

Well, last night I saw 2AM, 3AM, and 4AM. Not sure why I couldn't sleep because I was dead tired. I did have an incredibly terrible headache during the day but I don't think that is what kept me awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.

I laid there thinking about how many people would be distraught if they were awake at that hour for that amount of time. But for some reason I enjoyed the fact that I didn't have do anything, or be anywhere, or even move if I didn't want to. I didn't spend the time thinking about that day or tomorrow or all the things there are to do. No I just enjoyed doing nothing. I wasn't even angry that I couldn't fall back to sleep.

Those are typically the times when I pray and seek God. I did a bit of that but then I heard my husband's rhythmic breathing next to me. I just listened as he would breathe in and then out. I remembered back to the first time a met him. It was a blind date and there were two things that stood out in my mind from that first encounter. One was how incredibly sweet he was and the other was how safe I felt when he held my hand. Even at that moment when he would still be considered a stranger.

Then I remembered our first apartment we had together. Over 30 years ago and in my minds eye I could see him, a 20-something young man, who was so devoted and looked at me as if I were the only woman he had ever seen. I remembered to earlier in the evening when he was caring for me with my headache. The face, hair, and body of this man may have aged over the years but that look is still in his eyes. To be so loved is a gift that nothing can compare to.

Again, I hear his breathing. I look at the clock and see it is 3:30AM. I realize that in less 2 hours his alarm will go off and a new day will begin. I think to myself that maybe I had better try to fall asleep. Before sleep comes I enjoy 30 more minutes of doing nothing.

What IS heaven?

So I asked her, "where do you think you will go after you die?"

The answer surprisingly was one I've heard before. She said, "to a place where everyone goes after they die". She went on to explain that there is no heaven or hell or purgatory or "any of that stuff". That everyone goes to the same place and they all live together there forever.

"Is God there?", I asked. She wasn't sure but she knew there was a God. So I asked, "Will Hitler be in the same place you will be?"

She thought for a very long time before answering that one. She wasn't sure but it seemed she needed to say yes because if she didn't then she knew that what she said earlier would have no meaning. So she said, "Yes, but he will be farther away in this place from where I will be. But it will still be the same place. It is hard to explain."

Where did she get this understanding? She wasn't sure. She just "knows it". She doesn't believe what her mother believes and she doesn't believe what the church she has gone to teaches. She has heard about Jesus Christ and said she understands God sent him and that he died on a cross.

What she didn't know is that Jesus is God and that He gave up heaven to come to earth. Gave up everything so He could be human and live among us. He did this so we once again could be united with our Creator. We talked about being created and what that means. We talked about how much God loves us and that Jesus came so we could be saved. I shared how Jesus died not because He sinned...but because we do. I shared with her my own path of sin and learning about God. I shared with her how once I too was confused and unsure about what would happen after I died.

She listened and wondered what was true. What she made up or what I was sharing. So I told her that the truth she seeks can be found. That God gave us the truth by putting it in the written word that we call the Bible. I shared that there is so much evidence that proves the Bible to be true and reliable and it can be validated.

I could tell that she was overwhelmed and had no interest in researching these things on her own. She has heard so many "stories" during her lifetime and has never investigated or researched any of what she believes to be true. No, it is easier to believe just because it sounds good to her. If she thinks it is true that is enough. She doesn't have to be able to prove it or justify it to anyone.

But she still has so many questions and no answers for them based on the theology she has created. This conversation did not happen in a country where the Gospel is not available. No it happened here in the middle of the USA.

As I reflect back on the conversation I had with the woman I realize that when we seek God on our own we often do not find Him, we tend to create him in our image. No, it is God who first seeks us. It is God who leads us to truth. Not because of who we are or how good we are or who we might become. Just because of how much He loves us. So much that He sent His one and only Son to die for us. God knew that left on our own we would stay lost.

But that does not mean we don't have free will to reject the gift that He has given us. The woman I spoke with is now faced with that choice. Accept what is true and grow in the wisdom of the Lord or refuse the truth and spend eternity without Him. I once read that hell is not hell because of the heat or the fire or the punishment. Hell is hell because of the absence of God. I can't imagine life here or in eternity without God, that would be hell. Heaven is being in God's presence forever. I pray she finds the Truth she is seeking. I pray He uses the words I shared to direct her on to the narrow path that leads to Him. I pray God allows me to share the Good News about Him with many others in my community who still don't know the Truth.

AMEN

Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 14:16 - Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."

Dignity and Infinite Mercy

My in-laws have found what we were praying for. Gary's brother Steve and his wife Mary have turned their world and their home upside down in order to care for them.

This week dad was released from the rehab center and Steve and Mary brought him and mom home to live with them. They both know this will be a road filled with many difficulties but as Steve said, "it will all be worth it to have even one chance to see dad smile again."

I looked back at an earlier post and was reminded that when I had no words to pray for Gary's dad all I could ask God for was to bring him a little dignity. I also requested that God would show them both infinite mercy. Both of those requests were answered beyond anything I could have imagined.

I spoke with Gary's mom the evening of the big move to their new home and she said dad woke up that morning full of joy, excitement, and humor. He wouldn't stop talking and was making everyone in the rehab center laugh. Now that's the Eugene Clayton Gosa we all know and love.

May God grant him many moments of joy, humor, and smiles for whatever days he is given.
May God give him and mom quiet moments together that only they can truly cherish.
And May God bless Steve and Mary in ways they could never imagine for putting their love to action that requires great sacrifice.

I am overwhelmed. Our God IS and awesome God.